Getting rid of my demon - whole computer - runs this game max at 60fps

[Flench]

I got a feeling that PC is going to be your best friend for the next few month's .

[BaldEagl]

I'm so sorry TnDep. Still loving her isn't something you can turn off like a faucet, but she's not even on the fence.

Ten years and I still think about my ex on occasion but it's finally started fadng the last two years and I think I might finally be ready for another comitted relationship.  It's gotten to the point I think more about the problems than the good times and that helps but I wouldn't have given up the good times for anything.

Don't expect miracles.  It can be a long hard process.

[morfiend]

 Ryan,

  If you still have my contact send me a note,I'll let ya bend my ear!   No judgement I promise!






   

 PS: Jimson has some good advise for sure.

[TequilaChaser]

Ryan,

  If you still have my contact send me a note,I'll let ya bend my ear!   No judgement I promise!






   

 PS: Jimson has some good advise for sure.

You can always call me too TnDep/ryan.....  you should still have my numbers, Bro.......... I was there where you are now 12 yrs ago...... ain't no big thing in this big ol world......you have a strong heart and strong will....... it will get you thru!

btw....... thx morf/John for the pm..... much appreciated...

cheers

TC

[Getback]

I like Jiminson's advice as well except for the pills. The latter is your choice. If it helps I always wonder why some women stay with guys who drink heavily, stay at bars, go on hunting trips and fishing trips with buds. Then you have women who leave for any reason. I think your wife just felt the need to justify her leaving by blaming you for a game you play. If it wasn't that it would have been something else. She had 10 years, I believe, to develop a hobby with you and she didn't.

Get to the gym and stay away from bars. Join some clubs that share a hobby you like. Attend church, go fishing, eat the foods you like that she didn't. It can be a depressing time but a fun time as well.

Good luck in your journey.

[jimson]

I like Jiminson's advice as well except for the pills.

I can see how one would be adverse to advice on pills. But from my personal experience, insomnia is a gigantic problem during times of emotional upheaval and you have to be able to sleep to keep your job. So if he can get some temp help with that it might not be a bad thing.

[TnDep]

Thank you all for the kind words...and open ears if I need them...

Update:

Pray for me....Praying that she waits for gives me time.

Since I've got my emotions in check and I can absorb all the information taken in from her over the last month and half.  Also talking to countless women on the topic I realise why she left... One of the reasons is that I neglect to show her my love and not tell her...ie.. doing dishes, laundry, walk to her and give a kiss, sweep the floors, make the outside of the house look good, massage her feet and ask nothing in return, we've not been out on a date in a very long time, emotionally shes cut off sexually and its mostly my fault, good thing about it there is no other man, and I see signs of her checking in on me seeing if I'm trying to change myself ie..shes asked how many times I've been to counseling, when she walks in the house she looks around alittle, (she says she don't have the money for divorce shes living with her parents with no bills and 1900 in her account and 2 credit cards she said shes not borrowing the money from her parents if she wanted one that bad don't you think she'd find the money anyway she could, thats what my cousin and sister-n-law said also), I'm currently going to counseling also, I'm not saying it's all my fault, but I'll take 75% of the blame... yesterday I weed-eated the yard, and mulched our whole front flower bed (worked about 3 hours), the front of the house looks really good, I'm going to start on the inside of the house today. 

I told her that I was going to sign the divorce paperwork Tuesday morning and shes not texted me or called me asking if I done it. I couldn't do it, I cried all morning and it's not the right thing to do. The women I've talked to and cousins and sister-n-laws say that if she was set on divorce 100% she would have texted me that afternoon to see if I done it.  I'm not getting my hopes up but I need to work on me as a person and quit being so lazy.  I love her and I should do these things for her and our kids out of love, I've gotten back in a lazy slump over the winter and if I can earn her back we need to change quite a few things.  Pray for me guys that God gives me the strength to not only live by him but to also show her I'm not as stubborn as she thinks I am and I'm willing to change to make her happy and love me.

I know what some of you will say, if thats not you don't change you but my family is me, I love my family so very much and doing these things will make me a better person even if she goes through with the divorce.  I can't hurt myself either way by doing these things and I need to do these things because I love my wife.

I can see how one would be adverse to advice on pills. But from my personal experience, insomnia is a gigantic problem during times of emotional upheaval and you have to be able to sleep to keep your job. So if he can get some temp help with that it might not be a bad thing.

I'm doing alittle better on my sleep getting about 5 to 6 hours, I've lost 19lbs since Febuary 1st half of which is on my own and half because of stress and not eating right.  I'm doing better emotionally

[jimson]

There is nothing wrong with improving yourself, or fixing up the house, but you do need to leave her alone.

Start doing the things you like to do, hang with your buddies from the department. Get involved with other activities and distractions.

You are too busy doing your own thing to bother calling her.

When you have to see her, be happy, friendly, strong and confident, not needy.

I'm sure you have already shown her your heartbroken side. Now show her your confident, happy side.

In reality, to get her back or to move on without her, you pretty much need to do exactly the same thing. Live your life without her and find a way to be Ok with it.

If you want to stall the divorce, just tell her you don't have the money either and you will be happy to sign it when she has saved up the money for it, but don't call her to tell her that. Wait til she brings it up.

As far as your computer, if she asks, just tell her you are keeping it because you need a good one. Tell her you don't have time to play games as much but you might start taking some online night classes or something and you want a good PC for that.

You can bend a little, but you still need to be a man and not let her walk all over you. (Not that she is or anything) but stay confident and strong.

Just move on and start living your life as if.

Believe me, if she ever decides to come back, your moving ahead and living well is not going to stop her.

[TnDep]

very good advise I agree with it all Jim

There is nothing wrong with improving yourself, or fixing up the house, but you do need to leave her alone.

Start doing the things you like to do, hang with your buddies from the department. Get involved with other activities and distractions.

You are too busy doing your own thing to bother calling her.

When you have to see her, be happy, friendly, strong and confident, not needy.

I'm sure you have already shown her your heartbroken side. Now show her your confident, happy side.

In reality, to get her back or to move on without her, you pretty much need to do exactly the same thing. Live your life without her and find a way to be Ok with it.

If you want to stall the divorce, just tell her you don't have the money either and you will be happy to sign it when she has saved up the money for it, but don't call her to tell her that. Wait til she brings it up.

As far as your computer, if she asks, just tell her you are keeping it because you need a good one. Tell her you don't have time to play games as much but you might start taking some online night classes or something and you want a good PC for that.

You can bend a little, but you still need to be a man and not let her walk all over you. (Not that she is or anything) but stay confident and strong.

Just move on and start living your life as if.

Believe me, if she ever decides to come back, your moving ahead and living well is not going to stop her.

[LCAMerciful]

You claim that 75% of it all is your fault and while that may be true it's also important that you keep in mind that 25% of it is her fault.  In order for this to eventually work you're not the only one that needs to change.

She really needs counseling as well.  Her sexual issues and how she handled things with you is proof right there that she's got her own issues she needs to work on.  If both of you can't correct these issues then it's simply never going to work.

But yes... only be in contact with her if it involves your kids.  In the mean time keep working on yourself and learn to be happy for YOU and not HER.  And as I said before once you can get to that point she'll discover the kind of person you have become and assuming she's been working on her issues as well then the rest should fall in place.  When you're in a position where your happiness is in the hands of another person - well they tend to take advantage of that sort of thing.

I really do wish you the best of luck with all this but it's very important that you don't put yourself in a position in which you end up being bitter about how you're being treated and end up doing something you later regret.

[ink]

See Rule #14

[Spikes]

Fireproof is a great movie I have to agree, I bet that was a scary few weeks. Glad you got things straightened out man.

[Torquila]

See Rule #14

[ink]

See Rule #14

[Torquila]

LOL, thanks skuzzy

I guess we were both out of bounds ink.

 

I just wish skuzzy had a rule about personal info not being allowed on boards, it could really bite some people in the butt later on in life to have posted such personal stuff here!