Thinking about suicide

[Urchin]

I don't think I'd actually kill myself, I'm too chicken to do it.  As far as 'getting help' and getting medicine, I don't have any health insurance, and I don't have enough money to pay for it.  

Besides, I don't think Im depressed, I just think I'm honest.  I'm not going to decieve myself and say "Sure champ, you are doing just GREAT".  That brings up another question.  If you go to some shrink, who gives you some meds to take... all you are doing is getting high so you don't think about how much your life sucks.  I don't use drugs, and that is all those are.  I'm 24, unemployed, I live at home, I've got one real friend (who isn't quite as big a loser as me, he is a couple years younger), and apparently I'm having quite a bit of trouble finding and keeping a job.  Last job I actually enjoyed (hell, the only job I actually enjoyed) was doing Tech Support for a company that contracted out to Hasbro and Fox for their game support.  That was such an awesome job.  I loved helping people to get their games working.  But when the company lost the Hasbro contract and Fox contract, they had twice as many employees as they needed, so I got fired along with many others.  Maybe I should call them back up and ask them if they'd hire me again.

Since then, the downhill slope has gotten even steeper (think double diamond and you'll be about right).  Worked at a fiber optics plant making stupid bundles of cable and other crap, quit that after a month to go work for Goodyear, worked there for about 2 and a half months, quit when they transferred me into a store in Virginia.  Then I got a job at Sams Club changing tires in the Tire department.  I loved the guys I worked with, they were all very cool.  I think that is why I didn't look for a new job even though I was getting fed up with all the stupid managers and their roadkill.  Then finally I lost my temper there and got fired.  Now I'm doing substitute teaching, and I only work about 2 days a week.  

I think maybe some people just never figure life out.  I think I'm probably one of them.  I seem to get along well with kids (at least as a teacher... one of them asked me if I knew that I looked like Jack Black from some movie... I told her no, I didn't.  Then when I subbed for the same teacher today, they were saying I should go to Hollywood and be a stuntman for this Jack Black fellow... I got a laugh out of that), and I get along well with damn near all of my co-workers.  I just never seem to get along well with the managers.  I've had a couple good managers in the jobs that I've had, but for the most part most of them seem like greedy, stupid, and capricious morons.  

It just seems to me there is either something wrong with like EVERYBODY, or there is something wrong with ME.  Using common sense would tell people it is far more likely that one person is 'defective' than an entire society.

[Tac]

Go fly a N1k. Its the nearest equivalent you can do.


It'll hurt more though.

[Kanth]

Part of the problem would be that you just don't realize how messed up people really are.

99.9% of the population is seriously screwed in the head.

don't believe me? I can tell you exactly what to look out for but I'm sure you've seen the signs already.

in fact just for a quick reality check, get on the freeway and I can guarentee someone in front of you will be doing like 35mph and everyone else will hedge you in..

Especially if you are in a hurry..

and that's just one of the ways to see how screwy people are.

You ever watch RealTV?

do yourself a favor, buy a helmet and some kneepads and some earplugs before you go back out into the world..but as things go you'll probably run into the first annual convention of violent mimes..

that's the way it is, try to laugh.

Originally posted by Urchin
Using common sense would tell people it is far more likely that one person is 'defective' than an entire society.

[Dinger]

Dude, I'm depressed. You're as normal as I've seen.
Heck, you don't like management?  Do you know how many political movements have been fed by people hating management?! I mean if there's one thing that unites us, it's a hatred for those petty morons who run our lives and are incapable of appreciating capable employees.  They ain't all that way, but more than we'd care to know about are.

My answer? If you like helping people and a more informal lifestyle, go to grad skool.  Just don't get stuck there.

[MwRod]

Urchin hope this true story helps.


 I was married for 13 years to my first wife, we had 4 daughters. Every summer i would let my wife and daughters go  visit our old hometown, since her parents and mine live in same town.


  I got a call from my 12 yearold daughter who called me at 1 am pt it was 4am eastern. She said "daddy (all the time crying uncontrolable) I just found mommy in bed with Tom, a member of our church here" ( tom was her old boyfriend before me)I calmly told her to put her mother on. I told my wife right then and there I would file for a divorce in the morning.  I could not sleep and I drove up mtns in La and looked out over cliffs and really thought about just driving over, could not believe what was happening everyone use to comment wish our marriage was like yours Rod.  I got lucky a member of our church drove by and saw me there. He stopped saw I was distraught and in a bad way. He called my Bishop who came out right away. We talked for a good 3 -4 hours, and he asked me to come to his office in the morning. i went to his office and there were 6 men from my church there. 6 men I respected and held in high regards.


   My bishop said to me "Rod lets all throw our troubles in air and you can grab any others troubles , are you willing" I said of course nothing could be worst.

 Then he told me each mans problems, 2 were dying of cancer and were only in thier early 30's with small children, 1 man's wife was dying. 1 was had just had his 9th heart attack at 42 and wasn't sure how long he had, Carl had bought  a new wood stove for his cabin 3 years ago and when he went to work the stove caught the cabin on fire he lost his wife and 4 kids, And then there was my Bishop (only man in my life I thought was absolutly perfect in every way)  This is when I found out he had nerofibrotossis ( I might have spelled it wrong but its reaccuring tumors all thru his body and at any time one could be the end of him).



  I learned that my problem was minor compare to these. Only 2 of us still living out of the 7 men that met that morning, And I owe it to them for sharing their lives with me.



  And the best part of this story is I found a wonderful woman. Mona-Liza . we have 1 son between us and 4 wonderful Daughters, that have made me so joyful and happy, and shown me so much love, that I always remember my bishop, and I owe him greatest debt a man can owe to someone his life.


 So my plead to You, Talk to a bishop, Priest or any minister you can find, Or talk to doctor. You owe your family and us your friends this, we can not help by posting answers because your problems could run deeper than your willing to talk about. BUT PLEASE FOR YOUR FRIENDS HERE SEEK OUT HELP.


 pontiacedu@yahoo.com


 e-mail me if you like i could get someone to speak to you.

[batdog]

Originally posted by Urchin
I don't think I'd actually kill myself, I'm too chicken to do it.  As far as 'getting help' and getting medicine, I don't have any health insurance, and I don't have enough money to pay for it.  

Besides, I don't think Im depressed, I just think I'm honest.  I'm not going to decieve myself and say "Sure champ, you are doing just GREAT".  That brings up another question.  If you go to some shrink, who gives you some meds to take... all you are doing is getting high so you don't think about how much your life sucks.  I don't use drugs, and that is all those are.  I'm 24, unemployed, I live at home, I've got one real friend (who isn't quite as big a loser as me, he is a couple years younger), and apparently I'm having quite a bit of trouble finding and keeping a job.  Last job I actually enjoyed (hell, the only job I actually enjoyed) was doing Tech Support for a company that contracted out to Hasbro and Fox for their game support.  That was such an awesome job.  I loved helping people to get their games working.  But when the company lost the Hasbro contract and Fox contract, they had twice as many employees as they needed, so I got fired along with many others.  Maybe I should call them back up and ask them if they'd hire me again.

Since then, the downhill slope has gotten even steeper (think double diamond and you'll be about right).  Worked at a fiber optics plant making stupid bundles of cable and other crap, quit that after a month to go work for Goodyear, worked there for about 2 and a half months, quit when they transferred me into a store in Virginia.  Then I got a job at Sams Club changing tires in the Tire department.  I loved the guys I worked with, they were all very cool.  I think that is why I didn't look for a new job even though I was getting fed up with all the stupid managers and their roadkill.  Then finally I lost my temper there and got fired.  Now I'm doing substitute teaching, and I only work about 2 days a week.  

I think maybe some people just never figure life out.  I think I'm probably one of them.  I seem to get along well with kids (at least as a teacher... one of them asked me if I knew that I looked like Jack Black from some movie... I told her no, I didn't.  Then when I subbed for the same teacher today, they were saying I should go to Hollywood and be a stuntman for this Jack Black fellow... I got a laugh out of that), and I get along well with damn near all of my co-workers.  I just never seem to get along well with the managers.  I've had a couple good managers in the jobs that I've had, but for the most part most of them seem like greedy, stupid, and capricious morons.  

It just seems to me there is either something wrong with like EVERYBODY, or there is something wrong with ME.  Using common sense would tell people it is far more likely that one person is 'defective' than an entire society.

Whats your education level bro? If its below 2yrs of Tech school go back to school. At 24 your SOOOOOO young!!! You can do so much man!!! Go back to school.... get fired up about something you LIKE then make a plan and go for it! Dude.... life is gonna be sooo good for you so cheer the f*&k up and drive on!


xBAT

[Eagler]

get a job, any job that'll get you out on your own.
struggle to pay the bills, find out that the basics of life are good

cut out the crap in your life - ie drinking, drugs if any, tv, excessive computer time

exercise, sweat, eat right, read a book, pray

stop thinking like a loser - pick up a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale

As stated above, beauty and happiness is around and within you, you just have to see it - no one else can do that for you but YOU

stick it out - it'll get better

[Innominate]

Here is something I've noticed, that has interested me for quite some time.  People who suffer from depression, and other mental illnesses seem to be unusually common in any online games.

Why?
Do people start playing these games, and develop problems because of them?
Do most people have some kind of complaints of being depressed, and the anonymity of the internet makes it easier to talk about?
Maybe many don't have a clue what depression is like, and are just whining?
Or do online games just provide a convenient escape from the problems of the real world?

Something else?

[Goth]

Urchin,

I've been in a similar situation that you are in right now, and even thinking suicide is dangerous. As was once explained to me, soemtimes the brain jut misfires, and tht coupled with your current feeling about your employment status has led you to a downward spiral.

Sure, you feel like you haven't accomplished anything. You're 24, you haven't even seen much of the world yet, and there's a lot to see and do.

Ok, so you're poor and can't talk to a psych. You also feel that anti-depressants just get you high and let you forget about your problems. While I won't suggest you go that route, I will tell you that you are wrong. These days anti-depressants help the chemical imbalance that is going on in your brain, causing these feelings of worthlessness.

But here's a cheaper solution for you. You should do these three things.

Talk to someone. Be it a priest, cop, shrink...whatever. Talking will not only give you someone to tell your problems to, but may also help you realize just how small those problems really are.

Two, exercise. Physical exercise will take some of that excess energy your brain is running on and will help you focus a bit.

Lastly, write down on paper what you really want out of life. Do you want riches, do you want job satisfaction, do you want to be a housesitter...whatever. Then, plot out how best to achieve that goal. Once it's written down and you've figured out a realistic way to achieve it, start working on it, taking baby steps.

The worse thing you could do is dwell on your current situation. Lots of people here have given you some good ideas and some have thrown out cute jokes. Take the best of which apply to you and go with it.

And for God's sake, never EVER let xBat shoot you down.

[mjolnir]

Some people have hinted at it, but IMO, if you're continually having problems with managers, then get back in school, get a degree in something you love doing, and then get yourself in the manager role.  And once you're there, remember what you didn't like about the ones you've had in the past and don't repeat their mistakes.  You might just find that leading people and having them look up to you for advice and support is one of the most fulfilling things you can do.

[lazs2]

well.... A lot of things happen to a person after age 24..  I wouldn't wanna miss em.    

Maybe some of us who have had to fight to live and have gone through some diviorces and such forget how important to a 24 year old some of the things that bother you are.  

one question... do you still drink?
lazs

[gofaster]

Originally posted by Eagler
exercise, sweat, eat right, read a book, pray

Works for me.  I pray while jogging, usually to give thanks for having the ability to get out and push.  There are so many people that could get out and do it, too, but choose not to.  Such a waste.

Haven't been able to kick the fried foods and sugar out of my life, but every man has his own weakness.

[Elfenwolf]

Urchin. You are only 24 years old and you're ready to write off your whole life as being one big failure after another??? At 24??? Urchin, I'm 50, and at 24 I was the world's biggest failure. 24, huh? When I was 24 my fiancee died of a brain anurism, the business I'd been building for two years went broke, and I lost my house when I couldn't make the mortgage payments without my fiancee's help. I was broke, destitute and bitter, and having to move back home made my situation even worse. All I wanted to was crawl under a rock and die.

You know what? I didn't die. I sucked it up, got a job pulling green chain at a sawmill and conrtinued living- saved my money, started a new business at 25 and IT promptly failed. So- back to the sawmill, saved my money once again, started another business that was successful, met my wife, had a child, sold that business, started another and I've been living happily ever after since then. Well, we have our ups and downs, but life has been pretty damn good, and at 24 I thought my life was ruined. Funny, huh?

BTW, know why I didn't kill myself back in 1977-78? My Mom. How could I do that to her when she'd shared my pain and grief with me? You think all you get to do is go to sleep and everybody is OK with that? That's not what suicide is- suicide is your Mom with a lump in her throat every time she thinks of you. You could do that to your own mother? I don't think so. I think you're stronger than that and you'll use these lessons to become a better person. Hang in there. There ain't no quitting in life.

[AKSWulfe]

Feel better now Urchin?

If you want, we can go grab some beers some time. I'll spot yo broke ass.
-SW

[VAQ]

You had a bad day.  Lie down for awhile and it will pass.

24 years of age and you mention suicide?

This really pisses me off.  I have a son about your age.  

I know the darkness of Despair; a living, soaring, burgeoning thing with velvet wings, encircling, enfolding.  This fluttering darkness lives in each man and woman- the tiny, fleeting feather touches of occasional depression- but within and around the clinically depressed it is a pernicious bird of prey tearing at the center of thier being, a dark-feathered angel with a taste for blood.

I know all about it.  This post is the short version- I exceeded the 10,000 character limit with the one I decided not to post.

Short version: Get thru it (as if you haven't already).  

Prozac get you high?  Whoever said that does not know a damn thing about it.