The appeal of marriage

[StSanta]

That I live my wife thread got me thinking about this again. We've probably been over it, but my memory isn't what it has been. I cannot even remember if it was what it used to be, whatever that means.

Anyway, regarding marriage. The pros: legal documentation. There are certain legal perks you get when you're married, including certain tax breaks, right to inherit and whatnot.
Another: a commitment from the person you love. Getting in is easy, getting out harder. And of course it is a mental commitment to stay true and love forever and all that.
Cons: stuck with one person. All individuals change over time, and you may grow apart. Divorce is messy, especially if children are involved. Expensive too; she/he gets half.

If we put the legal arguments aside, why get married? I can understand if religious people want Gods permission to shag away (to be blunt, inaccurate and rude). But otherwise?

She'll love you no more because of a piece of paper that says you're married. You can commit yourself to a partner fully without it. Indeed, getting married can be construed as an ownership issue and even as something to do with jealosy and distrust. By getting married, you put an extra moral obligation and sharpen up the lines, so to speak. but that's more out of selfish reasons than love, then.

So tell me. What is so great about marriage? You wake up next to the same woman, married or not.

What happens when you get married? How is you, your partner and your relationship different after you've slipped each other a ring, some tongue and gotten a priest or official to speak some words?

I just don't get it. My personal experience with marriage hasn't been a good one. parents relationship is stormy to say the least, and to me it seems like they stick together because they know what they have but not what they'll get. Essentially they're afraid to be lonely, especially as old age approaches. Perhaps if they weren't married they'd gone separate ways, dared to seek more fulfilling partners and not gone on and on like it is.

Why would anyone want to risk that, aside from legal or religious reasons?

[capt. apathy]

alot of times when dating or even living together you both aren't in the same place emotionaly or you think you are until the other person has a whole other idea of where you're at/going.

example

marriage is an agreement where you both formally state where your at and what you intend.  you make it clear to the person you are with- and witnessed by anyone you care enough about (or who can afford really good gifts) to invite- that from this day on you are no longer conscerned  with ME so much as US.

basicly you agree to go ahead and stop holding back or preparing what to do after it's over and go ahead and put everything you have into the relationship

[beet1e]

...tend to agree with you, StSanta. After one bad round of my own, I found that not only did I not want a repeat, but I no longer wanted the lifestyle of the big M.

[Kanth]

Good question StSanta, very good question.

[VFJACKAL]

And no easy answers really. I spent 15 years with a woman I came to untimatly hate. We have 2 children which suffered her bullchit cheating and overall stupidity. I have the knowledge and satisfaction of being able to say I told you so. This is the bad side of marriage.

Now....
   I'm married again. For the first time I understand what real love is. Marriage doesn't make me love her any more than I did before I married her. Your right in that statment you made as far as I'm concerned. The thing that marriage does do is.....
Puts your lives in the same direction. It's really that simple. IMO no matter what some say , when you just live together there really is a way out. Weaker guys (or chitheads) will run at the first sign of maybe not getting what they want. They have that "Why buy the cow when ya get the milk free" thing. So , when the woman says hey..I want something more or says..you know..we should be married to continue...They just say screw it and leave. Which really means they never loved at all. So Marriage is that commitment. Saying that I am ready to not only spend the rest of your life with you , but SHARE the rest. Marriage is work sometimes. It's extremely easy others. I'm religious in that I believe in marrige. But , not to the extent that I didn't live with my wife before we married.

St.Santa
  Man it's a tough question to answer for me...Wish I could give ya help..Ya seem to have some issues that ya want answers to. I've been on that crappy side of the fence. Tough after ya been thru the grinder to jump back in. But I suspect when you meet the right one you'll understand what marriage reall is. It can be and mean differnt things to alot of different people.

   Hope ya find the answers ya want...This ramble probably didn't help. Best of Luck:)

[mrfish]

marriage is totally unnecessary and i wish more people would realize that. it would save them a lot of time but many people have to get married or their families will ostracize them or belittle them for religious reasons.

people get married for the stupidest reasons and it really diminishes the institution because 1/2 the time in america it ends in divorce. if you think you'll get bored with the same woman then don't get married!  

when you make the commitment it's more than the piece of paper, you are making a partnership. you really do have to be best friends and all those other cliche things for it to be right. it can't have anything to do with money or status or any of that.  it works for me, i love being married because my wife is fun to hang out with and all that, but the best advice i'd have is don't try to make a chance to get married, it really does 'just seem right' when it is.

[funkedup]

Why would anyone want to risk that, aside from legal or religious reasons?

My take:

The purpose of marriage is to bear and raise (grow and enrich physically and mentally) children in a stable home which provides the children with a solid model for their own relationships.  If this is not your goal, then marriage is probably not for you.  As you point out, other than tax benefits, there are not a whole lot of positives beyond what I said above.

PS By marriage I mean the lifetime committment to the other person, with or without the blessing of God depending on your faith or lack thereof.  The legal institution doesn't mean diddly.

[AKDejaVu]

You're asking the wrong group of people.  There's really only one person that can answer this for you... the one you decide to spend the rest of your life with.

AKDejaVu

[funkedup]

Originally posted by AKDejaVu
You're asking the wrong group of people.  AKDejaVu

Agreed.  

[StSanta]

There are no guarantees whatsoever such a person exists, though

[mrfish]

Originally posted by funkedup
The purpose of marriage is to bear and raise (grow and enrich physically and mentally) children in a stable home which provides the children with a solid model for their own relationships.  

yeah that too- well i don't know if married people have to have kids... but if you're going to have kids, you'd better be married. that single parent toejam will never measure up no matter how hard they sell it.

[funkedup]

"that single parent toejam will never measure up no matter how hard they sell it."

Well I'd have a hard time saying that to someone who is busting their bellybutton every day to raise kids by themselves.
But yeah it's a suboptimal situation and should be avoided.

[eskimo2]

For me,
it was time when my love for my wife was beyond even the slightest doubt.

eskimo

[Gryffin]

Women only get married so that they can cut their hair short

[Puke]

It's an oath and vow to your partner to become one (a team against the world) and to care for each other through thick and thin.  It's typically performed in public in front of family and friends (or a bunch of Elvises in Vegas) who bear witness to the vows.  Marriage isn't necessary, but it is comforting and reassuring to many.  I don't see anything wrong with it.