"You might be a leftist if..."

[Ripsnort]

Discuss.

You Might be a Leftist If . . .
By Marc Levin
FrontPageMagazine.com | October 8, 2003


-You believe John Ashcroft poses a greater danger to America than Osama bin Laden

-You think President Bush lied to the nation but his predecessor did not.

-You believe President Bush is too dumb to be President and Arnold Schwarzenegger is too dumb to be Governor of California, but the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo are qualified to discourse at length on foreign policy.

-You believe all conservatives are racist, but do not think minorities can ever succeed without Affirmative Action.

-You can't decide which is worse: the Patriot Act or the Patriot Missile.

-You believe Saddam Hussein, Kim Jong Il, and Yasser Arafat were fairly and democratically elected, but President Bush was not.

-You root for prisoners when they escape from our oppressive prisons, but oppose allowing poor children to escape from failing public schools.

-You support every kind of "diversity" on campus, except political orientation.

-You support banning the smoking of tobacco and legalizing marijuana.

-You are enraged by the so-called mistreatment of Muslim prisoners (who have gained weight while dining on their specially prepared Koran-approved meals) at Guantanamo Bay, but believe the world should have stood idly by while Saddam Hussein filled mass graves.

-You have found where the right to an abortion is written in the Constitution but cannot find where the Constitution provides for a right to keep and bear arms.

-You support campus speech codes that ban pick-up lines and amorous gazes, but never spoke out against President Clinton's physical sexual harassment in the White House.

-You applauded Jimmy Carter for talking about human rights in foreign policy but opposed George W. Bush for doing something about human rights.

-You believe that trial lawyers taking 33 to 40 percent of a plaintiff's recovery in lawsuits is just about right, but the federal government taking this amount of our income in taxes is not nearly enough.

-You believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is more than adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people was completely unprepared in 2000.

-You agree with Toni Morrison that President Clinton was "the first black President," but didn't criticize Al Sharpton for recently labeling President Bush a "gang leader."

-You believe we could get more truth out of the Pentagon if only Don Rumsfeld were replaced by Mohammed Al-Sahhaf.

-You believe evangelical Christians are destroying America but don't feel threatened by the radical Wahabbi sect of Islam.

-When it comes to violent crime, you believe in hating the crime but loving the criminal.

-You support unlimited appeals for convicted criminals, but believe it is undemocratic for Californians to reverse their earlier mistake of electing Gray Davis.

-You believe U.S. exports of genetically modified foods pose a greater threat to African nations than corrupt dictators like Zimbabwe's Mugabe.

-You believe welfare is a fundamental human right and workfare is a human rights violation.

-You believe religion is a scourge on our society, but becoming one with Mother Nature by merging with the universal consciousness and harmonizing with lunar reverberations will save us.

-You believe President Bush is an environmental criminal for poisoning the water with arsenic, but have never complained about Saddam Hussein's devastating Iraq and Kuwait's environment by setting intentional oil well fires and committing genocide against the Marsh Arabs by draining their wetlands.

-Your car sports the bumper sticker saying that "it will be a great day when our schools have all the money they need and the military has to hold bake sales," but oppose allowing the U.S. military to volunteer recruitment tables on college campuses because of their "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy.

If the above has successfully profiled you, congratulations! You have won a one-way ticket to Paris aboard the massive cruise ship, "The U.S.S.R. Michael Moore." Your ticket will be held at the nearest Dennis Kucinich for President rally. Matricular consular ID cards issued by foreign governments will be gladly accepted as identification.

[strk]

Boy the straw men are no match for logic like that!


strk

[AKIron]

Hehe, great find Rip.

[Gunslinger]

LMAO that was too freakin funny and true (in most cases) enough to be scary....I'd like to see a You might  be a right winger column as well....

[strk]

You might be a conservative if:

* You watch the Rush Limbaugh show the same way your kid watches "Barney
  and Friends"

* You believe an adulterer who served his wife divorce papers while she
  was in the hospital and later had to be taken to court for lack of child
  support payments named Newt when he talks about how he's for "Family
  Values"

* You complain about the "liberal media" on any of the numerous
  conservative political TV/radio talk shows.

* You have a bumper sticker that says "Insured by Smith and Wessen"

* You believe the hole in the ozone layer to be a myth created by crazy
  liberals.

* You believe the Holocaust to be a myth created by crazy liberals.

* You fervently speak about the evils of marijuana at social gatherings
  with a vodka straight in hand.

* You believe the Constitution states the Christianity is our official
  religion.

* You molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television...
  oops, my mistake... that's "You might be Newt Gingrinch if.."

* You think the words feminist and lesbian are synonyms.

* If you fit any of Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..."

* You believe every man, woman, child and fetus should be armed to the
  teeth with AK-47's, hand grenades, handguns, and any other weapon
  imaginable.

* You actually believe that people actually own AK-47's for "hunting
  purposes"

* You have faith in idiotic economic policies such as "trickle down
  economics"

* You don't see why everyone's so down on Mark Fuhrman.

* You think that Michaelangelo's David should be wearing boxers at the
  least.

* The hostess at the Sizzler knows you by name.

* You have a button that says "I'm not prejudice, I hate everyone"

* You can ask your daddy to bail you out when you lose hundreds of
  thousands of dollars from embezzling S&L's

* Your main source for news is an egocentric man named Rush who distorts
  facts consistantly to fit his views and opinions.

* You want to find another out-of-work actor to play the figurehead for
  the Republican party (perhaps Bonzo's free)

* Your response to anything Bill Clinton says includes a reference to
  Arkansas hillbillies.

* You still attempt to defend Dan Quayle's intelligence.

* You get offended if someone is unusually quiet on the way to a funeral...
  oops, sorry, my fault again... thats another "You might be Newt
  Gingrinch..."

* You refuse to talk to your sister because she's a lesbian...  dangit,
  sorry...once again, another "You might be Newt..."

* You obsessively impose your own morality upon others.

* You wish to ammend the Constitution to make desecration of the flag
  illegal.

* You wish to rewrite the first ammendment to make desecration of the
  flag illegal.

* You wish to rewrite the first commandment to make desecration of the
  flag illegal (and here, you thought you were such a good Christian...)

* You believe that if parents and teachers don't mention sex to a child
  until s/he is 25, then s/he won't even know it exists until then.

* You think Clarence Thomas is a good spokesman for the black community.

* You must first don rubber gloves before shaking hands with a homosexual.

* You attribute the lack of close families to Murphy Brown.

* You helped to ban Beavis from saying "fire", yet keep a loaded handgun
  in the house (doesn't matter if it's hidden.. your kid knows where it
  is, trust me.)

* You have a sticker saying "Guns don't kill people, people do" (and I
  suppose those little bullet things are harmless too)

* You believe that everyone else should hold the same moralistic and
  political views as you, and by God, you're going to see to it that they
  do!

and finally...

* You believed anything on the previous "You might be a liberal if..." list.

[AKIron]

Rip's was better.

[Ripsnort]

Strk, at *least* I gave credit where due:rolleyes:
http://www.geocities.com/CollegePark/6174/u_conser.htm

[Thrawn]

Rip, travasity of logic there.  Many of the statements present correlations that are flimsy at best, non-existant at worst.

[Tarmac]

As a person who has trouble identifying with either end of the political spectrum, I think Ripsnort's post has fewer stupid points than strk's.  And a few that even make sense.

Does that make me conservative?

[Ripsnort]

Originally posted by Tarmac
As a person who has trouble identifying with either end of the political spectrum, I think Ripsnort's post has fewer stupid points than strk's.  And a few that even make sense.

Does that make me conservative?

LOL! And guess what, I vote the issues, not the party, but yet *I* am stamped "Conservative" on this board.

[Ozark]

"You might be a leftist if..."

... You let Rush get a free pass.

[Tarmac]

Originally posted by Ripsnort
LOL! And guess what, I vote the issues, not the party, but yet *I* am stamped "Conservative" on this board.

Conservative it is then

Well, mostly.

[Gunslinger]

You helped to ban Beavis from saying "fire", yet keep a loaded handgun

I have to completly disagree with this one....I for one was a HUGE bevis and butthead fan, and I'm under the opinion that it was the libral soccer moms that made them quit saying it.

DONT TALK SMACK ABOUT CONSERVATIVES AND B&B!

[rpm]

You might be a Right-Wing Zelot if:

-You believe John Ashcroft poses no danger to America or Liberty.

-You think President Bush did not lie to the nation and the world.

-You believe President Bush is the answer to all the worlds problems, Arnold Schwarzenegger is a godsend to the People of California, and the Dixie Chicks, Martin Sheen, Alec Baldwin, Barbra Streisand, Eddie Vedder and Jeanine Garofalo do not have the Right to Free Speach.

-You believe all liberals are Communist, but do not think Millionaire's can ever succeed without Tax Breaks.

-You can't decide which is worse: the Clintons or the Gores.

-You believe George W. Bush was fairly and democratically elected, and the majority of the popular vote should be ignored.

-You root for prisoners when they are convicted, but oppose allowing poor conservative talk show hosts to share a cell with them.

-You support no kind of "diversity" on campus, especially political orientation.

-You support banning the smoking and legalizing of marijuana.

-You are enraged by the acts of "terrorism" by Tommy Chong, yet stand idly by while Bush Administration Officials leak the name of CIA agents that disagree with your motives for war.

-You cannot find where the right to an abortion is in the Constitution but can find where the Constitution provides for a right to keep and bear arms outside of a well regulated militia.

-You belive George W. Bush went to War over human rights.

-You don't believe the former Governor of a New England state with 608,827 people is adequately experienced to be President in 2004, but the Governor of a Southwestern state with 21,325,018 people wasn't completely unprepared in 2000.

-You belive Bill Clinton is responsable for our economy 3 years after he left office, but George W. Bush has no effect at all.

-You believe Don Rumsfeld .

-You don't feel threatened by evangelical Christians or State Supreme Court Justices placing 10 ton religious statues on the Courthouse steps.

-You support people voting a recall of an election they didn't vote in to begin with.

-You support American troops being used as "Beat Cops" halfway around the world, and want to send more.

-You see nothing wrong with only former Bush Administration members lining their pockets with warbucks.

-You are not concerned where the largest Budget Surplus in American history went.

-You don't care One in 11 families, one in nine Americans, and one in six children are officially poor.

-You don't care the most affluent fifth of the population received half of all household income last year. The poorest fifth got 3.5 per cent.

-You don't care the official poverty line is an income of $18,104/yr for a family of four, but a single parent of two working full-time for a minimum wage would make $10,712/yr.

-You don't care.

-Your car sports a Bush-Cheney '04 campaign sticker.

[Ripsnort]

At *least* rpm didn't have to do a google search (strk)