Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => Hardware and Software => Topic started by: TnDep on March 19, 2012, 10:14:42 PM
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As you know my wife left me 4 weeks ago tomorrow. I was clueless and she wouldn't speak to me at all. I didn't know what language to speak to her in. Actually we went through the divorce paperwork this week, and I just couldn't go through with it. After talking to about 50 people about it and my wife wouldn't talk to me at all 2 of my female friends told me to watch the movie "Fireproof" and get the book "Love Dare"(books still in mail haven't received it yet). I had no idea I was so blind and neglected my wife, I can't believe shes stayed with my for 10 years. My computer I took out the loan around December for 1500 and spent about 200 more out of my bank account without her permission just done it. I then played Aces High til 3a.m. in the morning without speaking to her at night and then World of Tanks. She moved out for good reason, I'm now making up for the previous 10 years I've neglected her speaking her language that I didnt have a concept about. She received flowers today at work and I got a thanks........no love you and I didn't expect to get that but I got a text with a "thanks" I got a smile out of that. You know in 10 years I think thats the 2nd time I've sent flowers to her work, I just always told her. That movie spoke so much volumes to me that I can't put it into words.
So now on topic I'm selling my computer for 1450 dollars my payoff, I'm putting it on ebay next monday so you got until then to let me know if you want it, send me a email if you want pics. This computer will run world of tanks at 100fps maxed out and AH at 59/60 maxed out. It boots windows completely in 3 seconds incredibly fast. http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/index.php/topic,324172.0.html theres the topic to see what components is used. Its completely put together and ready to go, I'm letting all my demons go so I can focus on my family. This computer was my main demon. Its a great deal, its a great computer TD, Porkypig, and TC help me setup everything to run great, thanks to them for their help as well.
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craigslist would be another option and it is free advertisment. good luck
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Family first bro. Good choice. Good luck selling the rig. :salute
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Sorry to hear this TnDep.
Good luck to you sir.
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As you know my wife left me 4 weeks ago tomorrow. I was clueless and she wouldn't speak to me at all. I didn't know what language to speak to her in. Actually we went through the divorce paperwork this week, and I just couldn't go through with it. After talking to about 50 people about it and my wife wouldn't talk to me at all 2 of my female friends told me to watch the movie "Fireproof" and get the book "Love Dare"(books still in mail haven't received it yet). I had no idea I was so blind and neglected my wife, I can't believe shes stayed with my for 10 years. My computer I took out the loan around December for 1500 and spent about 200 more out of my bank account without her permission just done it. I then played Aces High til 3a.m. in the morning without speaking to her at night and then World of Tanks. She moved out for good reason, I'm now making up for the previous 10 years I've neglected her speaking her language that I didnt have a concept about. She received flowers today at work and I got a thanks........no love you and I didn't expect to get that but I got a text with a "thanks" I got a smile out of that. You know in 10 years I think thats the 2nd time I've sent flowers to her work, I just always told her. That movie spoke so much volumes to me that I can't put it into words.
So now on topic I'm selling my computer for 1450 dollars my payoff, I'm putting it on ebay next monday so you got until then to let me know if you want it, send me a email if you want pics. This computer will run world of tanks at 100fps maxed out and AH at 59/60 maxed out. It boots windows completely in 3 seconds incredibly fast. http://bbs.hitechcreations.com/smf/index.php/topic,324172.0.html theres the topic to see what components is used. Its completely put together and ready to go, I'm letting all my demons go so I can focus on my family. This computer was my main demon. Its a great deal, its a great computer TD, Porkypig, and TC help me setup everything to run great, thanks to them for their help as well.
Back in 2002 I had to make the same choice. Either her or AH. I quit playing for over a year and after that spent max 10% of the time I used to online.
Good luck, don't give up hope if you really love her.
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well I think she'll be more shocked today, shes a teacher so I'm sure all the other little teachers huddled around her yesterday saying don't give in to them flowers hes trying to butter you up, shes getting a big gift today so I can only imagine what the other teachers are going to say to her, wish I could hear it. I'm guessing "if hes going to treat you like this when you leave, you just need to stay gone" something to that effect :lol
Take care guys
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Don't worry about them at all bud. You are doing the right thing; I didn't slow down my game time because of my wife but she has reaped the benefits of that slow down on my part.
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TnDep are you getting rid of your rig because of financial hardship or to prove to your wife you are serious?
If the latter, perhaps you don't need to abandon your hobby completely and cutting back
drastically would suffice.
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TnDep are you getting rid of your rig because of financial hardship or to prove to your wife you are serious?
If the latter, perhaps you don't need to abandon your hobby completely and cutting back
drastically would suffice.
No, he is making the right decision.
:salute :salute TnDep :cheers:
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No, he is making the right decision.
:salute :salute TnDep :cheers:
After reading the movie description, I understand the parallels better.
In any case, I'm sure you know your situation best.
:salute
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No, he is making the right decision.
:salute :salute TnDep :cheers:
I agree. If saving his marriage is the goal, half assing it won't help.
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Right on with the flowers, then another surprise. They love this and it speak to them. Stay in touch and keep us up to date. You have a whole crew of virtual fighter jocks rooting for you!
Boo
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjXjxnaH8Yk Turn it from this....
to
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrW7dlDHH28 this.
Good luck TnDep. But no matter what, *WE* all love you. :aok
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I agree. If saving his marriage is the goal, half assing it won't help.
Yeah, your'e probably right, but a man needs to keep a bit of himself too and hobbies are important. I'm going with a moderation approach. I plan on flying from 6-8pm tonight MST, so I'll have dinner about done by the time she gets home at 5:30 and will watch some insipid TV show with her and the daughter afterwards.
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Hate to be hard here but if she really loves you it don't matter what you do or troughs in your face . I know my X all way's complaned but she was right there on her FB page the hole time . I wish you two the best at what ever you guy's do .
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Hate to be hard here but if she really loves you it don't matter what you do or troughs in your face . I know my X all way's complaned but she was right there on her FB page the hole time . I wish you two the best at what ever you guy's do .
been with my wife 20 years.....she don't like AH but would never abandon me for it....personally I think his wife is just using it as an excuse.
if she is gonna leave you over this...she aint worth keeping.
good luck in whatever happens...but don't give up who you are for her because then you will have animosity towards her, and that is no way to live.
not sure if you guys have kids together...no matter what they will always be your kids, that will not change.
reading more I see you say, "you needed to get her "permission" to take money out of your account"....seems like she is the typical I am the boss wife....I would bet money she has an account that you don't know about.
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Very well said ink . That's that I'm talking about and I bet your right about the other account too . I know there are women out there that would love just to be with you no mater what you are doing .
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been with my wife 20 years.....she don't like AH but would never abandon me for it....personally I think his wife is just using it as an excuse.
if she is gonna leave you over this...she aint worth keeping.
good luck in whatever happens...but don't give up who you are for her because then you will have animosity towards her, and that is no way to live.
not sure if you guys have kids together...no matter what they will always be your kids, that will not change.
reading more I see you say, "you needed to get her "permission" to take money out of your account"....seems like she is the typical I am the boss wife....I would bet money she has an account that you don't know about.
AH could be a big factor if that was all he ever did and ignored her, and the part about needing her permission, well a financial decision in the 1600 dollar range would get most any husband in trouble if done with no consultation with the wife.
I know TnDep a little and he doesn't seem to be the subservient husband type.
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AH could be a big factor if that was all he ever did and ignored her, and the part about needing her permission, well a financial decision in the 1600 dollar range would get most any husband in trouble if done with no consultation with the wife.
I know TnDep a little and he doesn't seem to be the subservient husband type.
200$ was taken from what he said with out her permission......
and yes if all he ever did was play I do agree that would not be good,but he is no midway.....
the little clues I gleaned from what he wrote....I just don't see it.
just the fact that she left for playing a game speaks volumes.....if she loved him...she would have talked about this with him long before this happened.
if she did and he still ignored her...well he is getting what he deserves.
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Yeah and I don't see it with TnDep being a cop or rather a HP . It's just the way he put it ( Getting rid of my demon) .
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Yeah, your'e probably right, but a man needs to keep a bit of himself too and hobbies are important. I'm going with a moderation approach. I plan on flying from 6-8pm tonight MST, so I'll have dinner about done by the time she gets home at 5:30 and will watch some insipid TV show with her and the daughter afterwards.
But his hobby got into the way of his Marriage, hence this thread. If he has ANY hope of winning her back, he's finally realized his OP, was what he needed to do. I applaud him for trying to do the right thing.
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Just my opinion (someone who has gone through it a couple times):
Chill out on the gaming, but it's not a reason to sell your PC. Think of how many other things you need it for other than gaming. It's just too drastic imo. Every home should have a PC nowadays. Best of luck man!
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200$ was taken from what he said with out her permission......
Well, this was part of the same sentence so maybe the whole thing was done without her consult and she would be liable for the debt as well
"I took out the loan around December for 1500 and spent about 200 more out of my bank account without her permission just done it."
In any case, he knows his situation best.
Good luck TnDep.
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I hate to know I had to consult anyone in what I do I don't care who you are . Just saying .
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Yeah, your'e probably right, but a man needs to keep a bit of himself too and hobbies are important. I'm going with a moderation approach. I plan on flying from 6-8pm tonight MST, so I'll have dinner about done by the time she gets home at 5:30 and will watch some insipid TV show with her and the daughter afterwards.
hobbies mean nothing without your family. My family will be my hobby for a long time... I'm praying everyday with tears and words to God to give me another chance...
been with my wife 20 years.....she don't like AH but would never abandon me for it....personally I think his wife is just using it as an excuse.
if she is gonna leave you over this...she aint worth keeping.
good luck in whatever happens...but don't give up who you are for her because then you will have animosity towards her, and that is no way to live.
not sure if you guys have kids together...no matter what they will always be your kids, that will not change.
reading more I see you say, "you needed to get her "permission" to take money out of your account"....seems like she is the typical I am the boss wife....I would bet money she has an account that you don't know about.
I played aces high at one time when I got home until 3 in the morning....I didnt help do the kids baths....homework...or chores in the house....I didn't ask her how her day was at work and if there is anything that I can do for her. It takes 2 and I neglected her.
She's worth keeping, a fantastic mother, a great wife if I showed her that I loved her, and thinks about other people before herself. The best woman that I ever met.
As far as the bank accounts I know now that a marriage is a partnership and there shouldn't be 2 bank accounts only 1. To take out any loan without your spouses permission is selfish and self centered and thats exactly what I was. I was so blind.
Go buy the movie "fireproof" it opened up my eyes, I was so blind.
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I do pray thing's work out for ya TnDep <S> .
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If she's going to leave she's going to leave. Even if she comes back for a while it won't go well for you. I went through the breaking up and getting back together then breaking up then getting back together with a long time girlfriend once. The underlying issues never left and we ended it once and for all but we remained friends.
Later, my wife of seven years blindsided me with "I want a divorce". She hated that I played AW then AH so I'd force myself to watch stupid sitcoms with her on TV until she'd finally tell me to go play. In the end she told me she was leaving because "you don't talk enough", not because I played games. We've remained in touch periodically even though she's remarried. When I was out of work for over a year she sent me a couple thousand dollars to help me out with no expectation of repayment.
IMO people have to accept one another for who and what they are without trying to change them then commit to it. Without that it won't last anyway. If it's meant to be it will be, if it's not it won't. If not, try again. Someone out there will accept you for who you are. I'd let her go. JMO.
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Just my opinion (someone who has gone through it a couple times):
Chill out on the gaming, but it's not a reason to sell your PC. Think of how many other things you need it for other than gaming. It's just too drastic imo. Every home should have a PC nowadays. Best of luck man!
I have a laptop and she has a ipad. I basically built this computer for gaming and its something I'm getting rid of. It was my demon and it's gone 200$ was taken from what he said with out her permission......
and yes if all he ever did was play I do agree that would not be good,but he is no midway.....
the little clues I gleaned from what he wrote....I just don't see it.
just the fact that she left for playing a game speaks volumes.....if she loved him...she would have talked about this with him long before this happened.
if she did and he still ignored her...well he is getting what he deserves.
absouletly I am getting what I deserved... she has said something before but Im a stubborn man like many before me...I however want to change myself to make my wife happy she married me.... Im doing everything I can and praying to God I get another chance to show her how much I do love her.
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Divorce is not inevitable. It takes effort to make it work. Let's face it, women are not like a nice car that you take good care of then park in the garage while you take the truck for a spin.
I applaud Tndep for shifting gears. I'm sorry many on this board have had such bad experiences. Half of my siblings are divorced. Not fun though the divorce didn't magically show up one morning. Took years of neglect to make it happen.
Just my two cents.
Boo
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I have had 3 and sorry to say it sounds like she is ready to move on and TnDep is not . just my 2 don't get mad .
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Don't advise the guy not to fight for his marriage.
Of course divorce isn't inevitable. Me and my wife have separated before, but we have not divorced. I would have lost her back in 2005, if I hadn't put in any effort to repair the relationship.
It hasn't always been easy but we are making it.
TnDep, you do need to stop beating yourself up so much. You may not see it now, but it does take two and chances are you are not wholly to blame.
Make sure to take care of yourself as well.
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Go buy the movie "fireproof" it opened up my eyes, I was so blind.
I don't need no movie to explain what love is about.....
been there done that man....I came very close to losing my wife,on more then one occasion, not over a game, but my fidelity.
thank fully the woman who fell for me is a one of a kind...no woman out there would have stayed with any man after putting them through what I put my wife through....
I do know this, I would do just about anything to keep her, but if she don't want me, there is nothing I could do that would change her mind or feelings.
its easy to give up, sad to say it is very common in today's age.... not many actually put forth effort, divorce is so common now, my kids are the rarity in school they are one of the only kids that have parents that are still together.
I don't know man....good luck, believe it or not...... I hope the best for ya.
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Sell meth and cross your fingers.
At least you'll keep your squadies.
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Good luck TnDep. I think you made a right move to correct the situation and after you have realized what is really important in this life you will be a better person. While it is very much possible that she will not come back you still have a better chance of enjoying your life than spending all your time online with a bunch of... strangers.
:salute
-C+
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I don't need no movie to explain what love is about.....
been there done that man....I came very close to losing my wife,on more then one occasion, not over a game, but my fidelity.
thank fully the woman who fell for me is a one of a kind...no woman out there would have stayed with any man after putting them through what I put my wife through....
I do know this, I would do just about anything to keep her, but if she don't want me, there is nothing I could do that would change her mind or feelings.
its easy to give up, sad to say it is very common in today's age.... not many actually put forth effort, divorce is so common now, my kids are the rarity in school they are one of the only kids that have parents that are still together.
I don't know man....good luck, believe it or not...... I hope the best for ya.
I know divorce is so common...you know your 2nd sentence about if she don't love me, theres nothing I can do about it, I disagree. It takes a strong person and I'm asking God to help give me the strength to change but you had her in love with you once so basically she don't love the slump/actions that you've come accustomed to and all you have to do is change your actions. Most guys would rather just move on instead of putting the work in to show her that your willing to adapt more to fit her needs and I'm sure she'll do the same for you.
Good luck TnDep. I think you made a right move to correct the situation and after you have realized what is really important in this life you will be a better person. While it is very much possible that she will not come back you still have a better chance of enjoying your life than spending all your time online with a bunch of... strangers.
:salute
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S! Change, yes well theres no divorce papers as of right now and we have 2 kids daughter 6 and son 3 months that makes our bond stronger. I'm going to give her everything I have and make her feel like she should have felt many years ago.
Thanks guys :salute
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Sell meth and cross your fingers.
At least you'll keep your squadies.
Oh the irony...
Dep good luck bud!
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Oh the irony...
Dep good luck bud!
Wow so u guys stopped sharing a T-bag long enough to be real like deep and intelectual........
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Wow so u guys stopped sharing a T-bag long enough to be real like deep and intelectual........
Huh?
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I would have thought hard before getting rid of your hobby. First you should check to make sure she doesn't have a replacement for you already. If so you're already gone.
If things do seem to wind up ok you may find yourself owned and miserable. Always asking permission like you're one of the kids and constantly being afraid that she'll get mad and leave.
It's no way to live. Been there, done that.
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I would have thought hard before getting rid of your hobby. First you should check to make sure she doesn't have a replacement for you already. If so you're already gone.
If things do seem to wind up ok you may find yourself owned and miserable. Always asking permission like you're one of the kids and constantly being afraid that she'll get mad and leave.
It's no way to live. Been there, done that.
very true but in the bible it says a man and woman that come together in marriage should be "one flesh". If everyone done that, there wouldn't be a word in the dictionary called divorce. Divorce is way to common because people are afraid of change especially to themselves because they are selfish. You don't have to change everything about you obviously she married you or take my wife for example me for a reason that she loved me the way I was but over-time we quit doing the little things and thinking about one another.
Ink said earlier that he doesn't need to watch a movie to understand love. To me that is a selfish statement because love is a never ending learning curve, I understand that now as I was very selfish and thats the reason why she left me. I'm glad God grabbed a hold of me and is taking me down this journey, I might change myself but it's definently for the better.
:salute
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I am not offering any advice. Everyones situation is different. Theres always two sides to a coin.
Good Luck Dep, I hope all works out for you and your family.
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Good luck with your home life that takes priority over a cartoon. Airplane game. regarding gameplay time everyone's situation is different. Now I have to go give my wife a big kiss and kids a hug for last years fathersday/birthday/Christmas present. They support my hobby by getting me a TM warthog and saitek pedals.
Again everyone's situation is different.
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Sell meth and cross your fingers.
At least you'll keep your squadies.
meatstick
.....Ink said earlier that he doesn't need to watch a movie to understand love. To me that is a selfish statement because love is a never ending learning curve, I understand that now as I was very selfish and thats the reason why she left me. I'm glad God grabbed a hold of me and is taking me down this journey, I might change myself but it's definently for the better.
:salute
dude if you have seen even a third of what me and the wife have been through....you would know what you said here is so far from factual that it is absurd
tell ya what you ever cheat on your wife????
once ? twice? your gonna say none right....
well I cheated on my wife with 36 different woman through out the years......its a bit difficult to say "NO" when you have smoking hot groupies throwing them selves at you....and your addicted to sex....see that was my problem, never been hooked on serious drugs or any drugs, (for I don't think pot is a real drug) and in the beginning of our relationship I had no idea what love was...I was a crazy leg breaker that did and said whatever I wanted to who ever got in my way.
before we got married I would not lie to her about it, told her straight up "going to get laid be be back later"......do dishes haha ya not...anything like that, hell no....and to be very candid what I just typed is only a small part of what I put her through.....dude seriously I made her have sex with other woman when she didn't want to, I was not a nice person to her yet she loved me so insanely that I could do no wrong, she took this for years and slowly as time went by her love for me got weaker and almost was gone completely, and when she finally had enough I realized what I had done to her
it was losing her and our 6 kids at one point years ago, that I realized I would not want to live life without her,that I could not, and would die if they were not in my life... I saw love truly for the first time, and ever since then I have been trying to make up for the pain I have caused her...
I have been struggling to keep the one person who I love more then anything in this world, who made me change who I was for the better...
so yes I fully know what it means..... Love that is
so fight for her...I am not saying give her up.
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I married my wife when I was 20 and full of cum...I had no idea what marriage was or the vows I spoke of on the alter. I cheated on her 3 times in the first 2 years and regreted every minutes after that. The last 8 years I've been completely faithful to her. Our situations are different but yet very similiar, in the fact of how we neglected our wives. I neglected mine but not only playing the game, but doing the dishes once a week (when its done 5 or 6 times) and doing 1 load of laundry a week (when theres 8 or 9), never taking her out on dates, when we were asked to go join groups of people I said baby you know I don't like to go out with big groups, rarely helped the kids do homework, never asked her how her day was, never sent flowers to her work, or write her an occational poem like we did in school, never done anything for her unless I wanted sex basically I emotionally raped her to death. That movie I watched and that movie alone changed the way I look at everything. That man in that movie is me, and something just clicked in me that said I can't be that person anymore. I'm taking my little girl to huntsville Friday to buy her about 10 new outfits shes out grown about all her clothes, do you know how many times I've done that since shes been born 6 and 1/2 years ago.....zero.....I will forever be a student of Love from here on out, I don't think you will ever conquer the definition of love but I understand what your saying.
I've listed my computer on Ebay if anyone is interrested heres the link
http://www.ebay.com/itm/290687534262?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649
meatstick
dude if you have seen even a third of what me and the wife have been through....you would know what you said here is so far from factual that it is absurd
tell ya what you ever cheat on your wife????
once ? twice? your gonna say none right....
well I cheated on my wife with 36 different woman through out the years......its a bit difficult to say "NO" when you have smoking hot groupies throwing them selves at you....and your addicted to sex....see that was my problem, never been hooked on serious drugs or any drugs, (for I don't think pot is a real drug) and in the beginning of our relationship I had no idea what love was...I was a crazy leg breaker that did and said whatever I wanted to who ever got in my way.
before we got married I would not lie to her about it, told her straight up "going to get laid be be back later"......do dishes haha ya not...anything like that, hell no....and to be very candid what I just typed is only a small part of what I put her through.....dude seriously I made her have sex with other woman when she didn't want to, I was not a nice person to her yet she loved me so insanely that I could do no wrong, she took this for years and slowly as time went by her love for me got weaker and almost was gone completely, and when she finally had enough I realized what I had done to her
it was losing her and our 6 kids at one point years ago, that I realized I would not want to live life without her,that I could not, and would die if they were not in my life... I saw love truly for the first time, and ever since then I have been trying to make up for the pain I have caused her...
I have been struggling to keep the one person who I love more then anything in this world, who made me change who I was for the better...
so yes I fully know what it means..... Love that is
so fight for her...I am not saying give her up.
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and your addicted to sex....
:lol I can't help but laugh every time I hear someone cry "sex addict", Everyone with a noodle is a sex addict. Man up and quit making excuses for yourself.
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36 times..? Omg
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36 times..? Omg
i believe that to be a conservative estimate.......an extremely conservative estimate!
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If you buy her any dresses, get them long, they last longer. :)
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If you buy her any dresses, get them long, they last longer. :)
lol good point catt :lol
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:lol I can't help but laugh every time I hear someone cry "sex addict", Everyone with a noodle is a sex addict. Man up and quit making excuses for yourself.
so not true.
people absolutely...... man and woman can be addicted to sex.
just like anything, one can be addicted to speed(going fast not the drug) drugs....alcohol....anything.
36 times..? Omg
yes sad to say that is the case, but only a small portion of what I put her through, I am extremely blessed and lucky to still have her in my life.
i believe that to be a conservative estimate.......an extremely conservative estimate!
no that's it brother....the times count is much higher though, you know of all people what kind of person I was to her, I believe in my heart when I stand before GOD this will be one of the only things I will have to answer for.
I married my wife when I was 20 and full of cum...I had no idea what marriage was or the vows I spoke of on the alter. I cheated on her 3 times in the first 2 years and regreted every minutes after that. The last 8 years I've been completely faithful to her. Our situations are different but yet very similiar, in the fact of how we neglected our wives. I neglected mine but not only playing the game, but doing the dishes once a week (when its done 5 or 6 times) and doing 1 load of laundry a week (when theres 8 or 9), never taking her out on dates, when we were asked to go join groups of people I said baby you know I don't like to go out with big groups, rarely helped the kids do homework, never asked her how her day was, never sent flowers to her work, or write her an occational poem like we did in school, never done anything for her unless I wanted sex basically I emotionally raped her to death. That movie I watched and that movie alone changed the way I look at everything. That man in that movie is me, and something just clicked in me that said I can't be that person anymore. I'm taking my little girl to huntsville Friday to buy her about 10 new outfits shes out grown about all her clothes, do you know how many times I've done that since shes been born 6 and 1/2 years ago.....zero.....I will forever be a student of Love from here on out, I don't think you will ever conquer the definition of love but I understand what your saying.
I've listed my computer on Ebay if anyone is interrested heres the link
http://www.ebay.com/itm/290687534262?ssPageName=STRK:MESELX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1555.l2649
yup the more you explain the more I see....with my case though I didn't do dishes for over 10 years...or anything for that matter, she did everything in the house..I just went and tattooed and partied....sometimes I would bring her most often not though.
I know if there is hope for us, there is hope for you guys.
I use what I went through in my life for an example for people to learn from...I guess some people on the boards think I lie....honestly I don't care what people think, except for very few, FLOTSOM being one, and my wife being the other along with my kids.
I truly Hope You and her can get beyond this.
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Well I can honestly say my wife was never neglected. I helped to clean the house and empty the dishwasher. She helped working in the yard. We took weekend trips to romantic locations. We went out to dinner at expensive and not so expensive restaurants at least a few times a week. We always went somewhere special for our anniversary. I bought her a new BMW, a 3000 sq. ft. house in the country and we always exchanged expensive gifts on special occasions. We'd go dancing (I hate dancing). We spent time in the Carribean. All of that and more is why her decision to divorce after seven years was such a surprise. There was really nothing else I could have done for her.
After that I've decided I'm never going to spend money like that on a woman again. While it was fun for me too in the end it just wasn't worth it. I hope you're spending spree goes better for you than mine went for me. The kicker was after tricking me into selling the house and the BMW to move to another state she asked for the divorce and in the end I got all the stuff but she got to keep the seven years worth of her own income she'd banked while I'd been paying for everything.
I ended up moving back to MN with no where to live, no job, little money and a 54' semi full of "stuff". She moved back to CA with piles of money and "what she came into the marriage with". Guess who came out on the better end of that deal. Maybe the worst part of it is I was never able to revive my career after the move.
Anyway, good luck. I really do hope it works out for you no matter how it works out.
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yes sad to say that is the case, but only a small portion of what I put her through, I am extremely blessed and lucky to still have her in my life.
Yeah, you really deserve a good azzkicking for what you did to her, but I've seen pics of you and I sure ain't the one to do it. LOL
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TnDep...try posting this for sale over at SimHQ and the DCS forums as well. You might get a few hits on it. I will be glad to post in your threads there if you want to drop it in as a first time guy over on those boards since I have done a bunch of business with guys that frequent both places but don't come over to this board.
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I would rather be alone for the right reasons that with somebody for the wrong reasons. have lived with 3 different women. Loved all 3 of them enough to want to live with them. but sometimes you need ask yourself, do you want to be with this person because I want to be with her or because you are afraid to be alone.
the fact that she wouldnt even talk to you should give you lots to think about. you cannot buy back affection or love with gifts. you just buy time but the outcome may be the same.
keep the computer as for one you wont get the money you spent on it. and also just because you have it, it doesnt mean you have to use it or be online 24/7.
what you need to do is sit down and truly talk about what is wrong and see if it can be worked out and that is with her. if she refuses then basically it's time wish her the best and let her go. It's not the end of the world. get some professional help as it's the best you can do.
if she's willing to work it out with you I suggest you both get counseling and figure out what really is the "problem". as it is normally not just one but many. good luck whichever way you decide to go hope in the end you end up ok one way or the other.
semp
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TnDep...try posting this for sale over at SimHQ and the DCS forums as well. You might get a few hits on it. I will be glad to post in your threads there if you want to drop it in as a first time guy over on those boards since I have done a bunch of business with guys that frequent both places but don't come over to this board.
http://forums.eagle.ru/showthread.php?p=1422523#post1422523
the simhq board couldn't figure out how to register to make a post maybe you can help me out, thanks DCS post is ready for you to leave a remark.
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I would rather be alone for the right reasons that with somebody for the wrong reasons. have lived with 3 different women. Loved all 3 of them enough to want to live with them. but sometimes you need ask yourself, do you want to be with this person because I want to be with her or because you are afraid to be alone.
the fact that she wouldnt even talk to you should give you lots to think about. you cannot buy back affection or love with gifts. you just buy time but the outcome may be the same.
keep the computer as for one you wont get the money you spent on it. and also just because you have it, it doesnt mean you have to use it or be online 24/7.
what you need to do is sit down and truly talk about what is wrong and see if it can be worked out and that is with her. if she refuses then basically it's time wish her the best and let her go. It's not the end of the world. get some professional help as it's the best you can do.
if she's willing to work it out with you I suggest you both get counseling and figure out what really is the "problem". as it is normally not just one but many. good luck whichever way you decide to go hope in the end you end up ok one way or the other.
semp
good point semp.... I'm going to be a changed man towards her and when I have her emotional tank full I'm sure she'll be a different person towards me.... until I see that I owe this to her...
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Yeah, you really deserve a good azzkicking for what you did to her, but I've seen pics of you and I sure ain't the one to do it. LOL
you are right, honestly my conscience has done a pretty damn good job of that.
I am a messed up dude, got serious issues that I have been fighting long before I met her, yet she accepts me for who I am, almost to the point it is because of who I am, she loves me so much.
Well I can honestly say my wife was never neglected. I helped to clean the house and empty the dishwasher. She helped working in the yard. We took weekend trips to romantic locations. We went out to dinner at expensive and not so expensive restaurants at least a few times a week. We always went somewhere special for our anniversary. I bought her a new BMW, a 3000 sq. ft. house in the country and we always exchanged expensive gifts on special occasions. We'd go dancing (I hate dancing). We spent time in the Carribean. All of that and more is why her decision to divorce after seven years was such a surprise. There was really nothing else I could have done for her.
After that I've decided I'm never going to spend money like that on a woman again. While it was fun for me too in the end it just wasn't worth it. I hope you're spending spree goes better for you than mine went for me. The kicker was after tricking me into selling the house and the BMW to move to another state she asked for the divorce and in the end I got all the stuff but she got to keep the seven years worth of her own income she'd banked while I'd been paying for everything.
I ended up moving back to MN with no where to live, no job, little money and a 54' semi full of "stuff". She moved back to CA with piles of money and "what she came into the marriage with". Guess who came out on the better end of that deal. Maybe the worst part of it is I was never able to revive my career after the move.
Anyway, good luck. I really do hope it works out for you no matter how it works out.
damn that's rough, I do know other couples that went through very similar things.....I hope you fight the right one.
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so not true.
people absolutely...... man and woman can be addicted to sex.
just like anything, one can be addicted to speed(going fast not the drug) drugs....alcohol....anything.
Ink, I apologize that my post may have come off wrong. I am not judging you as it is not my place. I just don't believe there is such a thing as a sex addict. On a related note, have you guys tried swinging? You can get your strange and so can she and then no repercussions after wards. Some claim it makes their relationship stronger but I don't know if that is true or not. :headscratch:
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Ink, I apologize that my post may have come off wrong. I am not judging you as it is not my place. I just don't believe there is such a thing as a sex addict. On a related note, have you guys tried swinging? You can get your strange and so can she and then no repercussions after wards. Some claim it makes their relationship stronger but I don't know if that is true or not. :headscratch:
its cool man.
it can be an addiction...when you have sex with four woman in one day then go home and do the wife, or when after years of cheating and you fully know how bad it hurts your wife, yet you still screw that chick....even though inside your own head you are screaming at yourself not to do it....I hated myself for doing it, yet I could not stop.
it truly is an addiction, its taken everything I am to stop, and I cant even say this day with full honesty, that I would be able to refuse a woman, I know that I don't want to hurt my wife anymore, I would rather die then see that look on her face again, this is one of the main reasons I had to get out of tattooing full time, the temptation is too strong.
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Craigslist is good free advertisement for your computer, if you do not have it listed with with the site.
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http://forums.eagle.ru/showthread.php?p=1422523#post1422523
the simhq board couldn't figure out how to register to make a post maybe you can help me out, thanks DCS post is ready for you to leave a remark.
Go to this link and follow from there. Should be pretty easy from that link.
http://simhq.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/forum_summary.html
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Holy fraggin tatters, the amount of dirt on this thread is enough to make a scientologist foam at the mouth!
Guys, guys; look: We are men. We do *not* speak the language of symbolics, as women do. It is against our nature and actually drives us to do things to destroy our relationships when we try!
*Never* Let a woman under your skin, cause she doesn't belong there, neither do you belong under her skin. The fix for these situations is quite easy, shut your damn traps, stop apologizing, stop trying to emulate these fantastical characters and situations in films and books and just *be*. Do you know why? Because we men are naturally submissive to our women, we are genetically programmed that way, we are naturally loyal and caring; as long as our minds are not hijacked by someone else, and if your weak in that way; learn to keep your damned eyes to yourself or to the ground.
Success in relationships in all situations is purely centered around your ability as a man to balance your sense of being with the world around you. Women love to see you wild to the world, but submissive to them, because then they know what they have with you is unique; always try to keep it that way.
Peace out.
:airplane:
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Holy fraggin tatters, the amount of dirt on this thread is enough to make a scientologist foam at the mouth!
Guys, guys; look: We are men. We do *not* speak the language of symbolics, as women do. It is against our nature and actually drives us to do things to destroy our relationships when we try!
*Never* Let a woman under your skin, cause she doesn't belong there, neither do you belong under her skin. The fix for these situations is quite easy, shut your damn traps, stop apologizing, stop trying to emulate these fantastical characters and situations in films and books and just *be*. Do you know why? Because we men are naturally submissive to our women, we are genetically programmed that way, we are naturally loyal and caring; as long as our minds are not hijacked by someone else, and if your weak in that way; learn to keep your damned eyes to yourself or to the ground.
Success in relationships in all situations is purely centered around your ability as a man to balance your sense of being with the world around you. Women love to see you wild to the world, but submissive to them, because then they know what they have with you is unique; always try to keep it that way.
Peace out.
:airplane:
I am not submissive to women nor do i want a woman submissive to me. I want a partner somebody that helps me as much as I help her. Now in bed it depends on the situation sometimes I am on top but there's times when it's cool to let the woman be the "master". outside of that, it's 50/50.
I have dumped a lot of women over this "you take care of me of my needs" crap. I never cared for little princesses, well except in bed as a way to spicy it up, nor did I care for those who want to control everything.
in every relationship there needs to be trust. and you must earn it and also must listen and talk. I call my gf that I am going out with the guys to a topless bar and she wont even raise and eyebrow. because she knows me, I will go there and look and come home and take care of business there. same for having lunch with old girlfriends that just happened to meet again. I dont do it every week but once in a while somebody will comeback and I'll let her know "hey I am having lunch with so and so and this was our relationship, we just gonna shoot the breeze if it's cool with you". not once she has told me now or gotten mad when I get home, actually i have invited her to go but she always declines. she herself has had lunch with several people from her past. I dont even think of "cheating" as it's not in my mind.
any of us could cheat on each other if we wanted to. we just choose not to for whatever reason. our relationship is not the best in the world as we both have lots of problems, but we talk about them. there's times because of my work that I dont see her for weeks and I come home every night. except she'll be asleep and when I wake up she's gone. but we talk several times a day and keep in contact. like I said maybe we dont have the best relationship in the world but we take care of each other as much as we can. and that's all we can do. I dont know, we have been together for 10 years. perhaps in another 5 or 6 we'll decide to get married or perhaps decide to each go our own way. but one thing is sure for both of us, we both think that we would rather be alone for the right reasons that be with somebody for the wrong reasons.
semp
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Craigslist is good free advertisement for your computer, if you do not have it listed with with the site.
I've had one caller from Craigslist that is interrested, thx for the info catt :salute
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Holy fraggin tatters, the amount of dirt on this thread is enough to make a scientologist foam at the mouth!
Guys, guys; look: We are men. We do *not* speak the language of symbolics, as women do. It is against our nature and actually drives us to do things to destroy our relationships when we try!
*Never* Let a woman under your skin, cause she doesn't belong there, neither do you belong under her skin. The fix for these situations is quite easy, shut your damn traps, stop apologizing, stop trying to emulate these fantastical characters and situations in films and books and just *be*. Do you know why? Because we men are naturally submissive to our women, we are genetically programmed that way, we are naturally loyal and caring; as long as our minds are not hijacked by someone else, and if your weak in that way; learn to keep your damned eyes to yourself or to the ground.
Success in relationships in all situations is purely centered around your ability as a man to balance your sense of being with the world around you. Women love to see you wild to the world, but submissive to them, because then they know what they have with you is unique; always try to keep it that way.
Peace out.
:airplane:
I like what your saying...I will try to apply that more
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I would have thought hard before getting rid of your hobby. First you should check to make sure she doesn't have a replacement for you already. If so you're already gone.
If things do seem to wind up ok you may find yourself owned and miserable. Always asking permission like you're one of the kids and constantly being afraid that she'll get mad and leave.
It's no way to live. Been there, done that.
Very well said . If I had to get rid of my hobbies would be the first no no no . I be like well I hunt , fish , fly RC's , mud ride , game all night so I would have to ask first witch hobbies you want me to get rid of .
Like I said and a few other people here that have been there done that , don't wind up miserable trying to make some one happy . That's her job if you want to go by the Bible . Wash my feet BIcTH , lol J/K.
Only you will know the true side to one and another so just do what feels right and God will let it run like it is written .
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I've had one caller from Craigslist that is interrested, thx for the info catt :salute
cash-------> no checks
sorry , but I am not the trusting type
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i would say paypal only . I got a FPV system up for sale on the RCgroups forum and it's Palpal only .
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even with paypal all it takes is a complain and your money is gone and your puter wont be returned. specially in things like craig's list where there's a good portion of cheating going around. if you take paypal and you really send the stuff in good condition, I would transfer my money faster than hell and close the bank account. you never know. again. my suggestion is keep the damn computer and sell it to co workers or people you know. expect to get about 50% to 60% of what you spent. unless you find somebody willing to pay more. i have spent close to 3k on mine, if I ever sell it, I'll b happy to get 1k and that's on a good day. and that would be on a cash and carry stuff and I still want two forms of id.
I have sold couple of things here on the bb to people I spoke on the phone. and I have bought some from others. never been cheated but I know I am lucky as the people I sold/bought from had a good rep in the game and I actually knew from the game. never spoken to them before but still I trusted them. hell 68value send me his box and he said if I liked it pay for it if not send it back. I was embarrassed as hell as I tried to pay with paypal when i got it as I liked it and found out paypal takes 5 to 7 days to credit your money, which i didnt know. but he was cool enough to wait. but things like ebay and craig's list makes me feel uneasy.
semp
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heres what happened to mine last night I just don't know what to do...I've tried everything to save me marriage...I believe shes in a real bad postpartum depression and in denial....I just can't see a woman being married 10 years and having 2 kids and one 3 month old just abandoning her husband...yes we've been in a slump but I haven't cheated on her in 8 years and never will again and I haven't physically abused her ever.....emotionally were not connecting right now thats it. She want even try!
My brothers wife Katie and I have talked alot about whats going on with Michelle, I just can't understand it. Yesterday after Eliza got her reward I went to sonic and got Adriane and my wife Michelle a cherry Sundrop and carried it back and layed it on her desk. A hour and half later she calls and tells me to not go back to her work again that theres safety plans in place talking about the back door(I'm in trooper uniform). I've done that for 10 years and now it's a problem to her. So I called her last night and told her everything that I cried everyday to watching the movie fireproof and it really clicked...that I'm getting baptisted...selling my computer and that I want to love her and learn about her... She says that she doesn't love me and that I need to get it through my head that shes not coming home and she wants a divorce or that shes divorcing me one of the two. I've done nothing that bad to deserve a divorce and Lori my cousin telling me that I don't deserve all the credit to quit blaming myself. I'm willing to work on our marriage and shes done...she wants a divorce...but yet she hasn't worked on our marriage....she didnt sit down with me at the kitchen table to discuss it....she basically just said I'm not happy and I'm leaving....thats not fair to me or the kids...Rylan's 3 months old Eliza's 6 they deserve better then that too, I just can't wrap my head around it, when I try to talk with her she treats me like crap and says to quit calling her and that all I"m doing by the love dare is pissing her off. So I cried again last night
Another thing.... the bible talks about divorce and that if you divorce you shall never re-marry (her again) never... so if shes in postpartum and thats the reason shes not showing any emotion towards me or crying... I want to do the right thing and stand by her... its hard to hear someone say.... I don't love you and I want a divorce when you still love them.... 2 reasons for divorce in the bible is Adultery and Abandonment.... Yes I cheated on her 8 years ago when I was 22 so she has a reason I was young and immature but God showed me the true path I should be following.... God meant marriage to be for life.... I'm just clueless on what to do.... I want my family together again
Most people I've talked to says Ryan.... you deserve better then this and better then her..... and all I can say is I can't deserve no better.... I love her and shes the mother to my kids.... If I could be with any woman it would be her.... but I can't control her feelings
.
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heres what happened to mine last night I just don't know what to do...I've tried everything to save me marriage...I believe shes in a real bad postpartum depression and in denial....I just can't see a woman being married 10 years and having 2 kids and one 3 month old just abandoning her husband...yes we've been in a slump but I haven't cheated on her in 8 years and never will again and I haven't physically abused her ever.....emotionally were not connecting right now thats it. She want even try!
My brothers wife Katie and I have talked alot about whats going on with Michelle, I just can't understand it. Yesterday after Eliza got her reward I went to sonic and got Adriane and my wife Michelle a cherry Sundrop and carried it back and layed it on her desk. A hour and half later she calls and tells me to not go back to her work again that theres safety plans in place talking about the back door(I'm in trooper uniform). I've done that for 10 years and now it's a problem to her. So I called her last night and told her everything that I cried everyday to watching the movie fireproof and it really clicked...that I'm getting baptisted...selling my computer and that I want to love her and learn about her... She says that she doesn't love me and that I need to get it through my head that shes not coming home and she wants a divorce or that shes divorcing me one of the two. I've done nothing that bad to deserve a divorce and Lori my cousin telling me that I don't deserve all the credit to quit blaming myself. I'm willing to work on our marriage and shes done...she wants a divorce...but yet she hasn't worked on our marriage....she didnt sit down with me at the kitchen table to discuss it....she basically just said I'm not happy and I'm leaving....thats not fair to me or the kids...Rylan's 3 months old Eliza's 6 they deserve better then that too, I just can't wrap my head around it, when I try to talk with her she treats me like crap and says to quit calling her and that all I"m doing by the love dare is pissing her off. So I cried again last night
Another thing.... the bible talks about divorce and that if you divorce you shall never re-marry (her again) never... so if shes in postpartum and thats the reason shes not showing any emotion towards me or crying... I want to do the right thing and stand by her... its hard to hear someone say.... I don't love you and I want a divorce when you still love them.... 2 reasons for divorce in the bible is Adultery and Abandonment.... Yes I cheated on her 8 years ago when I was 22 so she has a reason I was young and immature but God showed me the true path I should be following.... God meant marriage to be for life.... I'm just clueless on what to do.... I want my family together again
Most people I've talked to says Ryan.... you deserve better then this and better then her..... and all I can say is I can't deserve no better.... I love her and shes the mother to my kids.... If I could be with any woman it would be her.... but I can't control her feelings
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if you love something set it free, if it comes back it is yours, if it don't it never was.
you have to let her go.
if you were meant to be with her, you will, true love is forever.
Yahaveh hates Divorce.
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Are you sure there isn't someone else already? It kinda sounds like it to me.
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Are you sure there isn't someone else already? It kinda sounds like it to me.
nope no one else her female organs dont work and she says she dont want a man she wants to be alone
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if you love something set it free, if it comes back it is yours, if it don't it never was.
you have to let her go.
if you were meant to be with her, you will, true love is forever.
Yahaveh hates Divorce.
makes sense to me Ink Im ready to do that...I will never let her come back ever if she goes through with the divorce
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I've done nothing that bad to deserve a divorce... I'm willing to work on our marriage and shes done...she wants a divorce...but yet she hasn't worked on our marriage....she didnt sit down with me at the kitchen table to discuss it....she basically just said I'm not happy and I'm leaving....thats not fair to me...
its hard to hear someone say.... I don't love you and I want a divorce when you still love them. God meant marriage to be for life.... I'm just clueless on what to do.... I want my family together again
Most people I've talked to says Ryan.... you deserve better then this and better then her..... and all I can say is I can't deserve no better.... I love her....
Those first quotes... same thing I went through.
Yes it's hard to hear but just because you still love someone doesn't mean they still love you and I'd agree, you do deserve better than to be with someone that doesn't love you.
I always believed marriage was forever too. My parents were together for 40 years until my dad died and my mother never remarried. My ex's mother on the other hand had been married two or three times. I'm curious as to the family history here.
I'd say it's time to let her go but I've already given you that advice. That said I wouldn't be giving up the computer either because you're going to have a lot of free time on your hands and those distractions are going to be good for you.
I don't think most women understand that men need alone time. That's why guys go stand in a deer stand, sit in a boat with a fishing rod, work on the car in the garage, play computer games, play with model railroads or airplanes (or if they're lucky enough fly a real one) or any other manner of spending time alone. I've seen shows about this and it's absolutely and universally true of men. Why do you think someone invented the man cave and no one invented the woman cave? So if you sell that computer you're just going to find a way to replace it with another way to get away.
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female organs dont work???
if she has had a historectomy or some other tragic event to damage her, then she may be suffering from a massive hormonal imbalance and that will explain everything!!!!!
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After being with her for over seven years (married more than half that) my ex-wife just one day upped and left.
-That morning I was running late and I kept hearing a buzzing noise. I traced the noise to our cell phone that was inside a box that was inside a container on the top shelf of the bookcase above my computer desk. Odd place for a phone, huh? Also keep in mind that we shared one cell phone which she usually kept but on bad weather days she'd have me take it as I had a long drive to work. I opened the phone and there was a text message, "Good morning beautiful." I didn't have time to make assumptions or to ask questions so I took the phone with me to work.
-On the way to work her best friend called the phone. When I answered it she was surprised, "What are YOU doing answering the phone?" I told her I had the phone that day and to reach her at the home #. I also told her to tell my ex that I had the phone so she wouldn't waste a lot of time looking for it. I was still under the impression that I was misinterpreting the message or that it might have even been a wrong number.
-I get to work and spend a few minutes going through the text message history. It was blatantly obvious that she had been having a virtual affair with this guy. I didn't know if they had ever actually met as the guy lived 1000 miles away. I knew OF this guy as being one of her online gaming friends but felt like he wasn't a threat as I was told that 1> He was gay and 2> He had several kids with his ex-. My ex- was NOT a family oriented person and I figured she'd have no desire to jump into a situation like that. Besides I simply trusted her and would have done so even if those weren't the case (#1 obviously ended up being a blatant lie).
-I spent about 30 minutes on the phone trying to get a hold of her. She wasn't answering the home phone. Later on her work phone went unanswered. Her friends gave me a simple "I don't know" and even her family claimed they hadn't heard from her. I went ahead and finished my shift that day. I had a feeling she wouldn't be home but if she didn't want to talk she didn't want to talk.
-I got home that evening and yes she was gone. So was a whole bunch of stuff. The house looked like it had been robbed. She also took our dog (but left our two cats and her two rats). She didn't really take anything that was considered to be "mine" but she sure took everything that was "hers" as well as most of the stuff that was "ours".
-I "hacked" into her gaming accounts (I use the word "hack" loosely as the passwords were already saved it was really just a matter of opening it up - not unlike how AH does it) and chatted with some of her co-gamers online trying to find out if they knew what had happened. I had an interesting conversation with one woman who claimed this same guy seduced her as well. She left her husband and four kids to go move in with him but two hours into the drive she decided it was stupid and turned back before it was too late. Apparently this guy had a history of that and didn't have a good reputation with the women in this RPG game (which was a "MUSH" or "MUD".. basically a text-based version of a WoW type of game).
-The next day I took the day off work and went with my dad to her work. Partly I was curious to see if her car was there.. to see if she was even still in town or if she had booked already. As I pulled into the parking garage she was standing there smoking a cigarette so I parked near her got out and walked towards her. I put my arms out to try to hug her but she backed away. I asked her "what can we do about this? we really need to talk. I don't think this guy is what you think he is. I think you're making a big mistake and need to think about..." and about right then she started yelling at the top of her lungs, "GET AWAY FROM ME! DON'T COME NEAR! I SWEAR I'LL CALL THE COPS! SOMEONE HELP!" There were several people near by smoking and several more that were walking toward the building and they all just stopped and stared at me. I held my hands up in disbelief (keep in mind I never got closed than 20 feet to her) and said "Fine.. be that way" and got in the car and drove home. I haven't talked to her since and that was Dec. 23, 2008.
-The next day I was talking to a friend of ours. He was kind of my friend and his wife was more of her friend and we hung out fairly regularly when they lived in town but they moved down to Florida. They were in town about three months prior but staying with family two hours away. I couldn't get off work but she wanted to visit so she drove there and hung out for the evening. When she got tipsy I encouraged her to stay at a hotel and sleep it off for the night rather than try to drive two hours like that. I didn't see her until about 6pm the next day. Anyway I asked him if she seemed strange during their visit and he informed me that they NEVER WERE IN TOWN! I was manipulated back then! He and his wife were absolutely outraged that she used them as an excuse!
-I went to take the money out of the bank. I didn't know what she was going to do with it. My plan was to take out all but $500 as I honestly thought she'd chill out for a few days and then come talk things over. I figured that would get her by until then but she had cleared out all but about $100. It wasn't a huge sum of money but it was all I had!
-Two weeks later I was served with a restraining order with claims of stalking, abuse and about eight other similar incidents, all of which were completely false.
-Shortly after that I get a call from the landlord complaining that rent hadn't been paid in over two months. I also discovered the electric bill hadn't been paid. She had been hoarding all of the money over the last few months, I guess to fund her leaving me.
The funny thing is that she truly did run away. She has no contact with her parents or siblings. She has almost no contact with her old friends. It's like she just disappeared off the face of the earth.
All I can say is THANK GOD we didn't have any kids. We tried but after three very early miscarriages (possibly more) it was determined she couldn't carry. That's probably a good thing.
And I had no clue! Looking back I can see a few signs that last month or so but at the time... well until that last weekend I had absolutely no clue whatsoever. We had a great relationship! Hardly ever argued. Always knew what each other wanted.. finished each other sentences.. had lively and interesting discussions. We really were in sync with each other so why it happened and especially HOW it happened is still a complete mystery to me.
Yeah I played a lot of Aces High but she played a lot of her games too! At least I would have never in a million years left her for someone I met on here! (Even if there WERE more women!) It was still just a game and if more important matters popped up they were of course of a higher priority.
Maybe she stopped loving me? Maybe she was bored with me? Maybe she just went insane? Maybe she got back into drugs? Who knows it's a moot point now. Once I got that restraining order I knew there was no going back and all of a sudden none of that mattered any more. Her attempt to hurt me backfired.. it was actually the best closure I could possibly get. You don't go back from a restraining order. I didn't even bother to contest it (although I doubt seriously she even bothered to show up for court herself).
TnDep if you want to try to scavenge your relationship then by all means go for it but don't forget this: Even if you do get her back no matter how hard you try things will NEVER BE THE SAME. Whatever reasons she had for leaving you (and they may have had very little to do with your being 'lazy') she's still going to expect those reasons to return and in the back of her mind she will ALWAYS be expecting that to happen. I honestly feel that if the reasons she left you were the reasons you're beating yourself up over then she would have approached things differently. She would have seeked counseling, or discussed things with you, or something. I'm sorry but people in those kinds of situations don't just simply leave and rush into a divorce filing.
The simple fact that she's working on a divorce less than a month after the fact tells me there's something else at play here. Maybe another guy? Maybe she just wants a fresh start? Maybe she doesn't feel like she loves you anymore? Maybe she's gay? Maybe she got tired of watching you beat yourself up all the time like you are right now (hmm I think I'm on to something here)? Who knows? My point is that you need to put her needs aside and tend to your own needs. I know it hurts (believe me I know it hurts) but you have to learn to do what it takes to make yourself happy and the rest will follow.
Buying her flowers now and trying to woo her back... well it's a REALLY REALLY bad idea and will do more harm than good. The last thing you want to do right now is look desperate. Kindly decline the divorce (there is no judge in the world who is going to grant a divorce this soon with one party objecting.. instead he'll grant a separation for a period of time especially with kids involved). Live by yourself for a while. The only chance you have at getting her back is to show her that you're a great and confident person. The more she sees that in you the more she's start to think that she made a mistake and who knows.. after several months or so she may come back around.
But trying to get her back right now.. it's not going to happen. Be patient and learn to work on yourself. Give her some space or else she's just make a joke out of you.
And definitely don't give up the things that make you happy because of this.
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female organs dont work???
if she has had a historectomy or some other tragic event to damage her, then she may be suffering from a massive hormonal imbalance and that will explain everything!!!!!
no they've never worked she gets nothing out of sex and dont' want it always been that way
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WOW man...messed up stuff...crazy trying to wrap my mind around that.....
I just don't understand people.
good advice :salute
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yep good advise for sure
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yep good advise for sure
don't give up your comp...and come back to the ladder.
I know we had our issues, but damn dude I feel for ya, anything I could do for ya I would.
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don't give up your comp...and come back to the ladder.
I know we had our issues, but damn dude I feel for ya, anything I could do for ya I would.
You know right now anything that was associated with her ie games, computer, my bed, this house just makes me want to throw up. I don't know why I just want everything to be new in my life besides my kids. I don't remember having that many issues with you just the few muppet thing going on... I appreciate it I talked to one of my old high school girls tonight for a hour, shes got a 20 month old and daddy left so I'm thinking I might slide in... I love kids I got 2 shes got 1 heck we'll probably have another lol
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You know right now anything that was associated with her ie games, computer, my bed, this house just makes me want to throw up. I don't know why I just want everything to be new in my life besides my kids. I don't remember having that many issues with you just the few muppet thing going on... I appreciate it I talked to one of my old high school girls tonight for a hour, shes got a 20 month old and daddy left so I'm thinking I might slide in... I love kids I got 2 shes got 1 heck we'll probably have another lol
dont do that man....no way...bad idea......
give your self some time....holy crap dude....you are far from over your wife, get laid whatever but don't start a new relationship....
and when you are ready DFC will be there :salute
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You know right now anything that was associated with her ie games, computer, my bed, this house just makes me want to throw up. I don't know why I just want everything to be new in my life besides my kids. I don't remember having that many issues with you just the few muppet thing going on... I appreciate it I talked to one of my old high school girls tonight for a hour, shes got a 20 month old and daddy left so I'm thinking I might slide in... I love kids I got 2 shes got 1 heck we'll probably have another lol
After my ordeal I found it very therapeutic to come play Aces High. It takes me back to the "good old days" and I have a bunch of squaddies that helped to keep me cheered up and made me feel good about myself. The moral support was every bit as important as the game play was!
But believe me I feel your pain! To make matters worse I let my dad take over the rent on the house so I could move out early. I couldn't take it any more living there! Too many memories! I honestly thought he'd stay for the rest of the lease then move out. Instead he renewed the least (twice now) and now that he's fighting cancer I'm having to visit him often. So here I am being forced to visit my father who has a terminal condition in my old house that I'd just assume never see again.
It's messed up but don't put too much stock into your thought processes right now. Your mind is all warped and making serious judgment errors. The emotional pain is blocking anything else. This is NOT the time to make any decisions! Just take it day by day and if you can afford it then keep the computer.. you deserve it!
Do *NOT* get into another relationship just yet. Don't even think about it it's way too soon. What should normally have been a "one nighter" will become a source of misery for you when you cling to her emotionally to make up for the loss of your wife. Next thing you know you'll be in a position of having to break up with her one your mind returns to a more rational state. Even forming a new friendship with a female right now would be extremely iffy.
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I talked to one of my old high school girls tonight for a hour, shes got a 20 month old and daddy left so I'm thinking I might slide in... I love kids I got 2 shes got 1 heck we'll probably have another lol
That is a very very bad idea. As merciful said, just take it day by day.
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You know right now anything that was associated with her ie games, computer, my bed, this house just makes me want to throw up. I don't know why I just want everything to be new in my life besides my kids. I don't remember having that many issues with you just the few muppet thing going on... I appreciate it I talked to one of my old high school girls tonight for a hour, shes got a 20 month old and daddy left so I'm thinking I might slide in... I love kids I got 2 shes got 1 heck we'll probably have another lol
That would be an incredibly bad idea right now.
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maybe so... but I don't like being alone... I'm a family person and I don't like being at home by myself... its lonely. I'll date for awhile but if I find the right person who loves me for me I want to live with them and come home to them like God intended.
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Get a counselor, psychologist or psychiatrist immediately and start talking. You have some things to work out in your head.
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I agree with Lew. Some counseling for yourself at a minimum, if your wife will agree, her too. I wish you the best luck, which ever way this turns out.
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I got my 2nd appointment Monday....my wife will not go....I have to think about me now as hard as that is
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You know right now anything that was associated with her ie games, computer, my bed, this house just makes me want to throw up. I don't know why I just want everything to be new in my life besides my kids. I don't remember having that many issues with you just the few muppet thing going on... I appreciate it I talked to one of my old high school girls tonight for a hour, shes got a 20 month old and daddy left so I'm thinking I might slide in... I love kids I got 2 shes got 1 heck we'll probably have another lol
Hmmm. Coincidence that the high school girl suddenly showed up in the picture?
Whatever is going on, it has nothing to do with the computer. I would take a step back, don't act desperate (to avoid the restraining order) and go one step at a time.
Participating in your hobby (aces high), will help take your mind off of things.
Don't get rid of the computer because if the child support and/or alimony hit, you won't be able to afford a new one.
Just remember you're not the first or last this has happened to, and how you act/react will determine if you get to wear your uniform.
Good Luck.
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I agree with most TnDep. You are doing the right thing. However, remember it takes two. That doesn't mean just you. It's you and her! I would suggest getting a hobby or an activity that you can share like hiking.
Anyway I'm certainly no marriage counselor and I wish you well no matter the outcome. Hang in there.
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outcome not good I talked to her today for 20 minute and again nothings changed...she just don't love me no more and I asked again if there was another man and she said no I believe her or she'd filed a month ago. I'm filing paperwork in the morning now to get over the heart break I can't quit crying, I do still love her any advise on that would be good...I need to go have fun I guess
I ended my listing on ebay I'm keeping the computer just so I'll have a good one instead of a laptop.
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outcome not good I talked to her today for 20 minute and again nothings changed...she just don't love me no more and I asked again if there was another man and she said no I believe her or she'd filed a month ago. I'm filing paperwork in the morning now to get over the heart break I can't quit crying, I do still love her any advise on that would be good...I need to go have fun I guess
I ended my listing on ebay I'm keeping the computer just so I'll have a good one instead of a laptop.
I'm sorry of the out come so far but you will be ok. I can't imagine what you are going though as I have not been there yet (and hope to never). Just try to keep your head up. We (AH community) are here if you ever need to talk. You are making the right decision keeping the computer. Try to go out and hang with some friends to clear your mind. Best of luck to you and your situation :salute
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outcome not good I talked to her today for 20 minute and again nothings changed...she just don't love me no more and I asked again if there was another man and she said no I believe her or she'd filed a month ago. I'm filing paperwork in the morning now to get over the heart break I can't quit crying, I do still love her any advise on that would be good...I need to go have fun I guess
I ended my listing on ebay I'm keeping the computer just so I'll have a good one instead of a laptop.
Thats a nice puter Dep, should last for many years.
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tndep i know how you feel as I been there myself. point is live and learn. but dont blame yourself. come back and play, you will always have friends here. and out there ,there 's a girl for you.
semp
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I'm so sorry TnDep. Still loving her isn't something you can turn off like a faucet, but she's not even on the fence.
My advice is easier said than done but do it as much as you possibly can.
Have no contact with her whatsoever. Try to drop the kids at her folks house or something. Don't drive by her work or house or anything. Never call her. Just refuse to have anything to do with her. Don't help her when she needs her car fixed etc, just don't do anything but for yourself and your kids.
Continue with counseling. Get with your medical doctor and do some anti depression therapy, sleeping pills, whatever you need.
Make an effort to improve or maintain your physical health, exercise more etc, that will help a lot.
When you start getting inside your head about her, just THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE.
I know, easier said than done but it gets easier with practice.
You are a wise man, already getting the help you need. That will give you an advantage over everyone who tries to do it on their own, and you will get better sooner.
Hang in there Bud, better days are ahead.
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:old: Time heals all wounds.
Focus on work and fun. :salute :rock
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I'm so sorry TnDep. Still loving her isn't something you can turn off like a faucet, but she's not even on the fence.
My advice is easier said than done but do it as much as you possibly can.
Have no contact with her whatsoever. Try to drop the kids at her folks house or something. Don't drive by her work or house or anything. Never call her. Just refuse to have anything to do with her. Don't help her when she needs her car fixed etc, just don't do anything but for yourself and your kids.
Continue with counseling. Get with your medical doctor and do some anti depression therapy, sleeping pills, whatever you need.
Make an effort to improve or maintain your physical health, exercise more etc, that will help a lot.
When you start getting inside your head about her, just THINK OF SOMETHING ELSE.
I know, easier said than done but it gets easier with practice.
You are a wise man, already getting the help you need. That will give you an advantage over everyone who tries to do it on their own, and you will get better sooner.
Hang in there Bud, better days are ahead.
TnDep, I know you and I haven't exactly been "friendly" over the years in AH. But Jimson echoes pretty much everything I was going to say. In the end, you have to try and provide for your kids as much as you can. Just try to be the best father you can.
Also, if you ever wish to discuss further, feel free to PM me your digits and I will try to assist you as well. Whatever you do, DO NOT LEAVE YOUR HOUSE, continue living there. Once "you leave", the Courts will say have "Abandoned your Children" and it will cause some issues down the road. Just go with the flow until the courts help you avoid that "issue", even if it means you completely ignore her. My brother thanks me for that every time I see him. His wife left him after 16 years of marriage and two kids. He stuck with it and lived with his kids until it the divorce was almost finalized.
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outcome not good I talked to her today for 20 minute and again nothings changed...she just don't love me no more and I asked again if there was another man and she said no I believe her or she'd filed a month ago. I'm filing paperwork in the morning now to get over the heart break I can't quit crying, I do still love her any advise on that would be good...I need to go have fun I guess
I ended my listing on ebay I'm keeping the computer just so I'll have a good one instead of a laptop.
And she won't be back mate, hate to say it but I don't think the game was the problem perhaps it was a side effect wanting to distract yourself. I know thats not what you want to hear right now, think in all break ups you go through these stages, one day you'll look back and realise it wasn't as good as you thought it was. Things just work or they don't theres a chemistry between 2 people keeps them together not a list of right and wrong things to do within reason of course :) playing Aces High isn't in the same ball park as say sleeping with her best friend is it?
I can remember how I got into Aces High, my eldest was 1 year old and me and the girl had moved in but Aces High was a welcome distraction to the arguments and kept us out of each others hair so it was bareable :lol
Something you enjoy doing is a necessity now more than ever, I don't think the game was to blame, and no HTC aren't paying me to say this.
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playing Aces High isn't in the same ball park as say sleeping with her best friend is it?
(http://i457.photobucket.com/albums/qq294/gohartman/bright20idea.jpg)
Keep yer chin up fella and don't let the skirt drag you down. Be strong. If not for yourself, then for the children.
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good advise all....Give me a few months to adjust I may be back to play I don't know I need to focus on getting out more....Jimson that was good advise on the no contact I will do that except dropping off the kids and picking them up I'm just going to have to be strong in those instances. Last night I got 3 1/2 hours sleep with 2 sleeping aid pills I'm going to have to get something stronger.
Mashburn, My wife left the house over a month ago, we've been swapping the kids out I got them yesterday and I'll have them today and tomorrow then they'll go back to her tomorrow night and I'll get them again Friday night. As far as the kids go shes worked with me so I guess it could be worse.
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There will come a time when you will be OK dealing with her, but for now, do as much as you can to avoid it.
You have been injured emotionally, and just like a broken bone, that needs to heal up a bit.
Get with your doc and get some prescription meds temporarily.
Start a rigorous work out program. The benefits of this will be surprising. You will get an endorphin release and feel better and that will help you a bunch mentally.
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There will come a time when you will be OK dealing with her, but for now, do as much as you can to avoid it.
You have been injured emotionally, and just like a broken bone, that needs to heal up a bit.
Get with your doc and get some prescription meds temporarily.
Start a rigorous work out program. The benefits of this will be surprising. You will get an endorphin release and feel better and that will help you a bunch mentally.
Your very wise Jimson ty I will do.
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I got a feeling that PC is going to be your best friend for the next few month's .
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I'm so sorry TnDep. Still loving her isn't something you can turn off like a faucet, but she's not even on the fence.
Ten years and I still think about my ex on occasion but it's finally started fadng the last two years and I think I might finally be ready for another comitted relationship. It's gotten to the point I think more about the problems than the good times and that helps but I wouldn't have given up the good times for anything.
Don't expect miracles. It can be a long hard process.
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Ryan,
If you still have my contact send me a note,I'll let ya bend my ear! No judgement I promise!
:salute
PS: Jimson has some good advise for sure.
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Ryan,
If you still have my contact send me a note,I'll let ya bend my ear! No judgement I promise!
:salute
PS: Jimson has some good advise for sure.
You can always call me too TnDep/ryan..... you should still have my numbers, Bro.......... I was there where you are now 12 yrs ago...... ain't no big thing in this big ol world......you have a strong heart and strong will....... it will get you thru!
btw....... thx morf/John for the pm..... much appreciated...
cheers
TC
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I like Jiminson's advice as well except for the pills. The latter is your choice. If it helps I always wonder why some women stay with guys who drink heavily, stay at bars, go on hunting trips and fishing trips with buds. Then you have women who leave for any reason. I think your wife just felt the need to justify her leaving by blaming you for a game you play. If it wasn't that it would have been something else. She had 10 years, I believe, to develop a hobby with you and she didn't.
Get to the gym and stay away from bars. Join some clubs that share a hobby you like. Attend church, go fishing, eat the foods you like that she didn't. It can be a depressing time but a fun time as well.
Good luck in your journey.
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I like Jiminson's advice as well except for the pills.
I can see how one would be adverse to advice on pills. But from my personal experience, insomnia is a gigantic problem during times of emotional upheaval and you have to be able to sleep to keep your job. So if he can get some temp help with that it might not be a bad thing.
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Thank you all for the kind words...and open ears if I need them...
Update:
Pray for me....Praying that she waits for gives me time.
Since I've got my emotions in check and I can absorb all the information taken in from her over the last month and half. Also talking to countless women on the topic I realise why she left... One of the reasons is that I neglect to show her my love and not tell her...ie.. doing dishes, laundry, walk to her and give a kiss, sweep the floors, make the outside of the house look good, massage her feet and ask nothing in return, we've not been out on a date in a very long time, emotionally shes cut off sexually and its mostly my fault, good thing about it there is no other man, and I see signs of her checking in on me seeing if I'm trying to change myself ie..shes asked how many times I've been to counseling, when she walks in the house she looks around alittle, (she says she don't have the money for divorce shes living with her parents with no bills and 1900 in her account and 2 credit cards she said shes not borrowing the money from her parents if she wanted one that bad don't you think she'd find the money anyway she could, thats what my cousin and sister-n-law said also), I'm currently going to counseling also, I'm not saying it's all my fault, but I'll take 75% of the blame... yesterday I weed-eated the yard, and mulched our whole front flower bed (worked about 3 hours), the front of the house looks really good, I'm going to start on the inside of the house today.
I told her that I was going to sign the divorce paperwork Tuesday morning and shes not texted me or called me asking if I done it. I couldn't do it, I cried all morning and it's not the right thing to do. The women I've talked to and cousins and sister-n-laws say that if she was set on divorce 100% she would have texted me that afternoon to see if I done it. I'm not getting my hopes up but I need to work on me as a person and quit being so lazy. I love her and I should do these things for her and our kids out of love, I've gotten back in a lazy slump over the winter and if I can earn her back we need to change quite a few things. Pray for me guys that God gives me the strength to not only live by him but to also show her I'm not as stubborn as she thinks I am and I'm willing to change to make her happy and love me.
I know what some of you will say, if thats not you don't change you but my family is me, I love my family so very much and doing these things will make me a better person even if she goes through with the divorce. I can't hurt myself either way by doing these things and I need to do these things because I love my wife.
I can see how one would be adverse to advice on pills. But from my personal experience, insomnia is a gigantic problem during times of emotional upheaval and you have to be able to sleep to keep your job. So if he can get some temp help with that it might not be a bad thing.
I'm doing alittle better on my sleep getting about 5 to 6 hours, I've lost 19lbs since Febuary 1st half of which is on my own and half because of stress and not eating right. I'm doing better emotionally
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There is nothing wrong with improving yourself, or fixing up the house, but you do need to leave her alone.
Start doing the things you like to do, hang with your buddies from the department. Get involved with other activities and distractions.
You are too busy doing your own thing to bother calling her.
When you have to see her, be happy, friendly, strong and confident, not needy.
I'm sure you have already shown her your heartbroken side. Now show her your confident, happy side.
In reality, to get her back or to move on without her, you pretty much need to do exactly the same thing. Live your life without her and find a way to be Ok with it.
If you want to stall the divorce, just tell her you don't have the money either and you will be happy to sign it when she has saved up the money for it, but don't call her to tell her that. Wait til she brings it up.
As far as your computer, if she asks, just tell her you are keeping it because you need a good one. Tell her you don't have time to play games as much but you might start taking some online night classes or something and you want a good PC for that.
You can bend a little, but you still need to be a man and not let her walk all over you. (Not that she is or anything) but stay confident and strong.
Just move on and start living your life as if.
Believe me, if she ever decides to come back, your moving ahead and living well is not going to stop her.
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very good advise I agree with it all Jim :salute
There is nothing wrong with improving yourself, or fixing up the house, but you do need to leave her alone.
Start doing the things you like to do, hang with your buddies from the department. Get involved with other activities and distractions.
You are too busy doing your own thing to bother calling her.
When you have to see her, be happy, friendly, strong and confident, not needy.
I'm sure you have already shown her your heartbroken side. Now show her your confident, happy side.
In reality, to get her back or to move on without her, you pretty much need to do exactly the same thing. Live your life without her and find a way to be Ok with it.
If you want to stall the divorce, just tell her you don't have the money either and you will be happy to sign it when she has saved up the money for it, but don't call her to tell her that. Wait til she brings it up.
As far as your computer, if she asks, just tell her you are keeping it because you need a good one. Tell her you don't have time to play games as much but you might start taking some online night classes or something and you want a good PC for that.
You can bend a little, but you still need to be a man and not let her walk all over you. (Not that she is or anything) but stay confident and strong.
Just move on and start living your life as if.
Believe me, if she ever decides to come back, your moving ahead and living well is not going to stop her.
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You claim that 75% of it all is your fault and while that may be true it's also important that you keep in mind that 25% of it is her fault. In order for this to eventually work you're not the only one that needs to change.
She really needs counseling as well. Her sexual issues and how she handled things with you is proof right there that she's got her own issues she needs to work on. If both of you can't correct these issues then it's simply never going to work.
But yes... only be in contact with her if it involves your kids. In the mean time keep working on yourself and learn to be happy for YOU and not HER. And as I said before once you can get to that point she'll discover the kind of person you have become and assuming she's been working on her issues as well then the rest should fall in place. When you're in a position where your happiness is in the hands of another person - well they tend to take advantage of that sort of thing.
I really do wish you the best of luck with all this but it's very important that you don't put yourself in a position in which you end up being bitter about how you're being treated and end up doing something you later regret.
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See Rule #14
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Fireproof is a great movie I have to agree, I bet that was a scary few weeks. Glad you got things straightened out man. :salute
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See Rule #14
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See Rule #14
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LOL, thanks skuzzy :P
I guess we were both out of bounds ink.
:salute
I just wish skuzzy had a rule about personal info not being allowed on boards, it could really bite some people in the butt later on in life to have posted such personal stuff here!
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LOL, thanks skuzzy :P
I guess we were both out of bounds ink.
:salute
I just wish skuzzy had a rule about personal info not being allowed on boards, it could really bite some people in the butt later on in life to have posted such personal stuff here!
:salute
sorry Skuzzy :o
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rule 14's I missed something lol. I shared my story on the boards because I have known alot of you'll for a very long time. If my situation helps out another one of Aces High members then I've accomplished my goal of sharing my story. Take care guys I just spent the last 2 1/2 hours cleaning out the big building and going to start on den closet for about a hour and I'll be done for the day. The bed of my truck is stacked full to carry to the dump. If I was doing this stuff to begin with I wouldn't be in this situation but no ones perfect, I'm trying to correct my mistakes. :salute
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Don't sign! Go watch the movie Sweet Home Alabama, turns out well, not quite the time frame you are after but...I agree with your friends about her not texting. I bet money she is secretly hoping you don't.
Keep us posted.
Boo
PS I haven't slept for 36 hours, another big day tomorrow. I'm flat out too lazy to click on the link to read Rule 14. All I know is we're helping out a friend. If I'm in trouble for that curse my 50s with rubber bullets.
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rule 14.....religious posts
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best day of my life yesterday, I got my family back....ty all for your support and prayers
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:x :cheers: :banana: :aok
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Congrats man, glad to hear it.
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:rock :salute
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Congrats TnDep, tell us about it, if you don't mind, we need to hear something good.
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best day of my life yesterday, I got my family back....ty all for your support and prayers
Dep, awesome news, I really hope everything works out buddy! :salute
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best day of my life yesterday, I got my family back....ty all for your support and prayers
Wtg!
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:aok :salute
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:aok
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Congrats TnDep. :aok
I have been following your post here. I have learned to make Tuesdays (fiance and me time). I also have cut back the amount of time flying i.e don't fly until Friday nights and occasionally on the weekends. Playing this game since 2001 and reading this post has made me look closer to my home life. Thank You TnDep for sharing your heartaches and tears with us. I hope that some of us will look around the home front and think of you when problems start to arise and see if AHII is part of the blame. :salute
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Nice to hear TnDep. Hope it all stays well and if you ever need to give a shout out to someone close by....well relatively don't hesitate to let me know since I am just a couple of hours south of you. I don't mind listening if you need someone to chew on. Lord knows I need a few ears from time to time.
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Dep, awesome news, I really hope everything works out buddy! :salute
Thanks Red :salute
Nice to hear TnDep. Hope it all stays well and if you ever need to give a shout out to someone close by....well relatively don't hesitate to let me know since I am just a couple of hours south of you. I don't mind listening if you need someone to chew on. Lord knows I need a few ears from time to time.
Thank you
Congrats TnDep. :aok
I have been following your post here. I have learned to make Tuesdays (fiance and me time). I also have cut back the amount of time flying i.e don't fly until Friday nights and occasionally on the weekends. Playing this game since 2001 and reading this post has made me look closer to my home life. Thank You TnDep for sharing your heartaches and tears with us. I hope that some of us will look around the home front and think of you when problems start to arise and see if AHII is part of the blame. :salute
Lazy,
That is awesome news! The reason for sharing my story is for the reason alone. I'm glad to hear that your taking care of your family first.
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Congrats TnDep, tell us about it, if you don't mind, we need to hear something good.
Well their home, its a start. Shes sleeping in my daughters bed, and she still don't love me or like me right now. She came home to see if we could build a friendship, and I've got to ask God for alot of patience with her. I want to take her out and the kids to have fun together. Shes just not there, she basically just wants to take care of the kids and us to communicate to try to build that bond/friendship. It may be months before I get to take her out on a date and it may be a year or longer before I get to make love to my wife. She said last night she don't know how long she can do this and I gave her a hug and told her just to give me a chance that I will show her what kind of man I am.
This morning I got up at 430am went to the gym and run came home shower, shave, and get ready for work, folded a load of laundry, swapped one over from washer to dryer, and put a new load in the washer, got both kids up changed rylans diaper put on his clothes, got eliza up put on her clothes, and done her hair, fixed elizas breakfast, asked michelle if I could fix her anything for breakfast, put rylan in his car seat and took him out to the car. Kissed the babies and told them all to have a good day. Sounds like alot but I could do that every morning for the rest of my life to have my family. You don't know what you have until you lose it. I'll try to keep you updated every few weeks.
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It is all about perspective my friend; sometimes it takes a big ole pop upside the head to make us realize something isn't good in order to make the proper adjustments. At least you have the first steps towards something better happening now.
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It is all about perspective my friend; sometimes it takes a big ole pop upside the head to make us realize something isn't good in order to make the proper adjustments. At least you have the first steps towards something better happening now.
:aok
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That is wonderful news!
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Really seems strange that she just turned off like that, don't know what to make of it. Most situations like yours involve another man but it's obvious this one doesn't
Guess you have a chance now. Best of luck Bro.
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This is great to hear Dep!!
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awesome man :aok
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The more I read the more I see and get to know people , I think every body's life is off track in one way or another but good to see thing's starting to work out for ya TnDep .
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Congrats Dep on realizing your mistakes and changing them..It takes a man to do this..it is not a easy thing to give up something that im assuming brought joy to you..i know my pc does. It is like a home away frome away from home. I have had same problem with my wife of 2 years now. She said i was not showing her that I love her.. I love my wife with all of my heart and apon reading this have come to realize that she was right.. I thought it was innocent.. Hey im playing a video game big deal right. Women are complicated creatures and if you dont show that love they will assume you dont and go defensive. I believe if you put every ounce of your heart and soul into mending this you will have your wife, your love back.. She will realize you are still the man she married.. Good luck my friend and you and family are in our prayers.. :salute
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The more I read the more I see and get to know people , I think every body's life is off track in one way or another but good to see thing's starting to work out for ya TnDep .
it's called life it never goes the way we want it :).
semp
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it's called life it never goes the way we want it :).
semp
Full moon speaks the true .
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TnD,
great news indeed,and it sound like a tough time to follow but hang in there if you think it's worth it it's worth it!
Along time ago My wife and I started "date"night,we set that night aside and spend it together,no interuptions just her and I. Since doing that she rarely bothers me about flying and we've grown closer togther!
:salute
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That's a good Idea Morfiend .
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TnD,
great news indeed,and it sound like a tough time to follow but hang in there if you think it's worth it it's worth it!
Along time ago My wife and I started "date"night,we set that night aside and spend it together,no interuptions just her and I. Since doing that she rarely bothers me about flying and we've grown closer togther!
:salute
Yes, Im starting this of course with 2 kids I'm shooting for twice a month, minimum of 1. We haven't went out on a date in 3 or 4 years so we both have neglected each other. I realised when she left how bad I was at being a husband.
She started calling me baby Sunday some, I always say baby do you need something, or have a great day baby love you. She was returning those words Sunday so I think it's starting to come around. Shes not showing she loves me but deep down I know she realises she made a mistake leaving, just not willing tell me that yet.
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Sounds good man, keep it slow and steady and don't rush it.
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Yes, Im starting this of course with 2 kids I'm shooting for twice a month, minimum of 1. We haven't went out on a date in 3 or 4 years so we both have neglected each other. I realised when she left how bad I was at being a husband.
She started calling me baby Sunday some, I always say baby do you need something, or have a great day baby love you. She was returning those words Sunday so I think it's starting to come around. Shes not showing she loves me but deep down I know she realises she made a mistake leaving, just not willing tell me that yet.
This is all good. There's some healing that needs to happen.
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Update 04-28-12
Yesterday we went to huntsville, al to eat at Rossies for my birthday. On the way down there we talked more then we have in the past 10 years, talked about her work, my work about an accident I worked on Wednesday where a female ended up losing her life and also another crash I worked yesterday of an overturned log truck losing 60000 lbs of logs everywhere. We went to Old Navy to get my birthday gift and also got our daughter some clothes. First trip that we've taken out of town together, its hard to tell what a womens thinking but I just can't believe that were becoming such good friends again or on the road to be and she said Tuesday she still dont have feelings for me. Given that she didnt move back in til the 15 and Tuesday was 1 week and 2 days, I'm thinking its going to take a month or two for her to build her love back up for me. I just can't see her leaving me forever and her kids 15 days out of the month when were getting along so good, probably better then we ever have. I'm guessing even if shes not saying it, that she is developing feelings for me again right now. Yesterday morning, I run her bath water and done all the other stuff I've been doing, surely she likes the new me when I think of her before myself. Thoughts?
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flowers are nice ,she needs conversation,she needs you selling the computer is a great start
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TnDep I see you are playing it smart . Happy Birthday my friend . I have been to Rossies .
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This June will mark my 30th year as husband and wife with my lovely lady.
I've read this thread as it's unfolded, as well as being in on a conversation at work with a few "younger" guys talking about their marriages. In all of the cases everyone is always talking "me", "I", "she", "the bitc.." well you get the idea. When it comes to marriage there is none of that. It is "we", and "us". Didn't they say something about "uniting as one" when you got married?
TnDep, it's nice that your doing all these things, but it is what you should have been doing from day one. Also, you shouldn't be expecting anything to come from it.... "I'm thinking its going to take a month or two for her to build her love back up for me". Put that out of your mind. if it happens, great, if it doesn't thats the way it is. You should be doing the things your doing because its the right thing to do NOT because it should win her back.
My boss use to give me crap for helping my wife, or having to check with her before I made a decision about OT, called me henpecked. This coming from a guy who's been married and divorced 3 times and now lives with a Labrador retriever :rolleyes: I call it respecting my wife. I have no problem bailing from my game if she needs me to do something. On the other hand she respects me enough not to ask me to unless she really needs me.
The point is, your on the right path, but get it out of your mind your doing it for her. What your doing is how it should be period. It's like a diet, you can't eat good and exercise for 4 months and get to your goal weight and then go back to eating what ever you want and lying around on the couch. It's a life style change your making, and one you should have made when you slide that ring on her finger. If you can't live with that change for the rest of your life, your not going to make it.
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she said Tuesday she still dont have feelings for me.
If that was a response, well you sure should not be asking her questions like this.
You can't put a timetable on it either, just take it as it comes.
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This June will mark my 30th year as husband and wife with my lovely lady.
I've read this thread as it's unfolded, as well as being in on a conversation at work with a few "younger" guys talking about their marriages. In all of the cases everyone is always talking "me", "I", "she", "the bitc.." well you get the idea. When it comes to marriage there is none of that. It is "we", and "us". Didn't they say something about "uniting as one" when you got married?
TnDep, it's nice that your doing all these things, but it is what you should have been doing from day one. Also, you shouldn't be expecting anything to come from it.... "I'm thinking its going to take a month or two for her to build her love back up for me". Put that out of your mind. if it happens, great, if it doesn't thats the way it is. You should be doing the things your doing because its the right thing to do NOT because it should win her back.
My boss use to give me crap for helping my wife, or having to check with her before I made a decision about OT, called me henpecked. This coming from a guy who's been married and divorced 3 times and now lives with a Labrador retriever :rolleyes: I call it respecting my wife. I have no problem bailing from my game if she needs me to do something. On the other hand she respects me enough not to ask me to unless she really needs me.
The point is, your on the right path, but get it out of your mind your doing it for her. What your doing is how it should be period. It's like a diet, you can't eat good and exercise for 4 months and get to your goal weight and then go back to eating what ever you want and lying around on the couch. It's a life style change your making, and one you should have made when you slide that ring on her finger. If you can't live with that change for the rest of your life, your not going to make it.
completely understand this, and yes I am committed to this new lifestyle. One flesh is far from where we been but where I want us to go, shes got a hard time letting go of the past and moving forward. I will continue to do the things I'm doing for my family and if and when she says I still want out, theres nothing I can do, until that point I going to continue to show my love for her and the kids.
If that was a response, well you sure should not be asking her questions like this.
You can't put a timetable on it either, just take it as it comes.
I didn't ask her Tuesday we went to a friends house to see there baby and then to Shoneys to eat. That night she said what bed are you sleeping in and to just try to get a laugh out of her I said whatever bed your sleeping in, and she didn't take it as a joke. I was just trying to get a laugh and got a conversation.
I will, great advise
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tndep, I think you are the one who is having a hard time letting go of the past. may i suggest some counseling for both of you. and if she doest want to go then I encourage you to go yourself.
I hope it works for you, but if it does work or it doesnt you should still talk to a counselor about it. if only to get some guidance on how to handle what is going on with your life.
semp
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I am glad it is working out for ya....me and the wife, just about split up....I thought it was gonna happen, but for some reason we are still working on it....
I hope you guys get through this is can move on. :salute