Don't know if these are true or not, but it makes little difference. They are funny.
>
> > Following are accounts of actual exchanges between airline and control
> towers from around the world:
> >
> > The controller was working a busy pattern told the 727 on
> downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide
> spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know
> it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?
> > Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four
> thousand dollars worth!"
> > ~~~~~~~~~~
> > PSA was following United, taxiing out for departure. PSA called
> the
> > tower and said "Tower, this is United 586. We've got a little
> problem,
> > so go ahead and let PSA go first". The tower promptly cleared
> PSA
> > for takeoff before United had a chance to object to the
> > impersonation.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~
> > A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his
> > approach speed just a little too high.
> > San,Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end if
> able.
> > If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make
> a
> > right at the light to return to the airport.
> > ~~~~~~~~~~
> ~~~~~~~~~~
> It was a really nice day, right about dusk, and a Piper Malibu was
> > being vectored into a long line of airliners in order to land at
> Kansas
> > City.
> > KC Approach: "Malibu three-two-Charlie, you're following a 727,
> one
> > o'clock and three miles."
> > Three-two-Charlie: "We've got him. We'll follow him."
> > KC Approach: "Delta 105, your traffic to follow is a Malibu,
> eleven
> > o'clock and three miles. Do you have that traffic?"
> > Delta 105 (long pause and then in a thick southern drawl):
> > "Well...I've got something down there. Can't quite tell if it's
> a
> > Malibu or a Chevelle, though."
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on
> > 124.7."
> > Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure ... by
> the
> > way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the
> far
> > end of the runway."
> > Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure
> on
> 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern?"
> > Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and
> > yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers."
> > ~~~~~~~~~~~
> >
> > This has got to be my favorite...
> > The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are a
> short-tempered
> > lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking location
> but
> > how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
> with some
> > amusement that we (a PanAm 747) listened to the following
> exchange
> > between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747 (call
> sign
> > "Speedbird 206") after landing:
> > Speedbird 206: "Top of the morning Frankfurt, Speedbird 206 clear
> > of the active runway."
> > Ground: "Guten morgen! You vill taxi to your gate!"
> > The big British Airways 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and
> slowed
> > to a stop.
> > Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know vare you are going?"
> > Speedbird 206: "Stand by a moment ground, I'm looking up our gate
> > location now."
> > Ground (with some arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, haff you
> > never flown to Frankfurt before?!?"
> > Speedbird 206 (cooly): "Yes I have, in 1944. In another type of
> > Boeing. I didn't stop."
> >
