Thank you all for the kind words...and open ears if I need them...
Update:
Pray for me....Praying that she waits for gives me time.
Since I've got my emotions in check and I can absorb all the information taken in from her over the last month and half. Also talking to countless women on the topic I realise why she left... One of the reasons is that I neglect to show her my love and not tell her...ie.. doing dishes, laundry, walk to her and give a kiss, sweep the floors, make the outside of the house look good, massage her feet and ask nothing in return, we've not been out on a date in a very long time, emotionally shes cut off sexually and its mostly my fault, good thing about it there is no other man, and I see signs of her checking in on me seeing if I'm trying to change myself ie..shes asked how many times I've been to counseling, when she walks in the house she looks around alittle, (she says she don't have the money for divorce shes living with her parents with no bills and 1900 in her account and 2 credit cards she said shes not borrowing the money from her parents if she wanted one that bad don't you think she'd find the money anyway she could, thats what my cousin and sister-n-law said also), I'm currently going to counseling also, I'm not saying it's all my fault, but I'll take 75% of the blame... yesterday I weed-eated the yard, and mulched our whole front flower bed (worked about 3 hours), the front of the house looks really good, I'm going to start on the inside of the house today.
I told her that I was going to sign the divorce paperwork Tuesday morning and shes not texted me or called me asking if I done it. I couldn't do it, I cried all morning and it's not the right thing to do. The women I've talked to and cousins and sister-n-laws say that if she was set on divorce 100% she would have texted me that afternoon to see if I done it. I'm not getting my hopes up but I need to work on me as a person and quit being so lazy. I love her and I should do these things for her and our kids out of love, I've gotten back in a lazy slump over the winter and if I can earn her back we need to change quite a few things. Pray for me guys that God gives me the strength to not only live by him but to also show her I'm not as stubborn as she thinks I am and I'm willing to change to make her happy and love me.
I know what some of you will say, if thats not you don't change you but my family is me, I love my family so very much and doing these things will make me a better person even if she goes through with the divorce. I can't hurt myself either way by doing these things and I need to do these things because I love my wife.
I can see how one would be adverse to advice on pills. But from my personal experience, insomnia is a gigantic problem during times of emotional upheaval and you have to be able to sleep to keep your job. So if he can get some temp help with that it might not be a bad thing.
I'm doing alittle better on my sleep getting about 5 to 6 hours, I've lost 19lbs since Febuary 1st half of which is on my own and half because of stress and not eating right. I'm doing better emotionally