Well, my oldest blew it

[Ripsnort]

We'd started planning this hunting trip for Thanksgiving Week-end last July, as he began his hunter safety course and passed. Joined a local skeet & Trap club, began practicing on trap every other week-end for about 8 weeks.  He got a new gun, new hunting clothes... and his grades were a struggle in the fall. He did get 2 A's, 2 B's, but also had 2 C's which *were* D's right before the quarter ended in early November.  Last minute work bumped those D's up into the C range.  

So, I'm checking his grades online last night, and he's failing Language & Arts class, 61% score. Granted, its early in the 2nd quarter, but this is no excuse as he just didn't do the work (or in this case, turn the assignment in on time)  He's not dumb. He just doesn't do the work and procrastinates.

So I clipped his wings on the hunting trip. I'm bringing my younger son instead (who is doing great in school, but he will not hunt, just tag along).  This devastated Gordon last night.  I was really pissed.  I probably overreacted, made him feel bad that all this planning and preparation was all for naught because of his lack of action in his school work.

I feel today like I was too tough on him, but dammit, I have high expectations, and for something as easy as just doing the work, turning it in, its not asking for much.

I told him he's got two days (by Wed) to see if he can pull out some sort of miracle and get that grade up above a 70% by Wed. Talk to the teacher, ask her what you can do to get it up by Wed.

He's so inconsistent...he'll get straight A's in any given subject then not turn in an assignment (with just about any excuse  you can think of ) and drop that A average down to a C in one flail swoop.  It just pisses me off to no end.


Think I was too tough on him?

[AWMac]

No Rip you did just right. Stick to your guns.



Mac

[FiLtH]

That was me in school. I'd get As on all my classroom work and tests, and never do my homework. I got alot of Cs because of it. It carries through into life later on in the form of no discipline. I still suffer this day because of it with my business. I do great work, but Im slow at getting the paperwork done.

     I had a loving family, but my mother and father divorced when I was 9. She re-married but no one was there to push me. Maybe if there had been, I would have better discipline in certain areas.

    I dont have kids so I can't really give parenting advice. But I do remember being a kid. (still am in some ways) I think that you'd have to be careful not to favor one over the other. Ive read in other posts where you've praised your youngest and havent had too much to say about the oldest. If I picked that up from a couple of posts in a forum, you know he must think it. Just be careful not to discourage him and shut him out is all.

    If it were me, again..Im childless...but I think I'd take him hunting but let him know that it was a close thing. Next time he wouldnt get the break. And he better start pulling the load or he will start losing privileges. Good luck with it. Above all else, love him.

[midnight Target]

Sounds familiar.

Once when I was in school, my Dad bought tickets to see the Globetrotters. This was a much bigger deal in the '60's than it is today. I couldn't wait to go. Right before the game my grades arrived and I hadn't done my homework... Dad was pissed. He wanted to leave me home, but instead he took me to the game and for 2 hours he didn't miss an opportunity to tell me how hard those players had to work to get where they were, how much more dedicated they must be, and how I was headed for a job selling popcorn at the stadium instead of a successful career.... I hated that night.

[DREDIOCK]

Originally posted by Ripsnort
We'd started planning this hunting trip for Thanksgiving Week-end last July, as he began his hunter safety course and passed. Joined a local skeet & Trap club, began practicing on trap every other week-end for about 8 weeks.  He got a new gun, new hunting clothes... and his grades were a struggle in the fall. He did get 2 A's, 2 B's, but also had 2 C's which *were* D's right before the quarter ended in early November.  Last minute work bumped those D's up into the C range.  

So, I'm checking his grades online last night, and he's failing Language & Arts class, 61% score. Granted, its early in the 2nd quarter, but this is no excuse as he just didn't do the work (or in this case, turn the assignment in on time)  He's not dumb. He just doesn't do the work and procrastinates.

So I clipped his wings on the hunting trip. I'm bringing my younger son instead (who is doing great in school, but he will not hunt, just tag along).  This devastated Gordon last night.  I was really pissed.  I probably overreacted, made him feel bad that all this planning and preparation was all for naught because of his lack of action in his school work.

I feel today like I was too tough on him, but dammit, I have high expectations, and for something as easy as just doing the work, turning it in, its not asking for much.

I told him he's got two days (by Wed) to see if he can pull out some sort of miracle and get that grade up above a 70% by Wed. Talk to the teacher, ask her what you can do to get it up by Wed.

He's so inconsistent...he'll get straight A's in any given subject then not turn in an assignment (with just about any excuse  you can think of ) and drop that A average down to a C in one flail swoop.  It just pisses me off to no end.


Think I was too tough on him?

Hell no you werent too tough on him.

IF it were me I would have done the same plus giving him a nose to nose R. Lee Ermey style face chewing complete with profanity to boot.

"When I want it to stick I give it to em loud and dirty.
that way they remember it"

"Excellence is standard, standard is substandard. And substandard will NOT be tolerated. THAT I assure you."

[Ripsnort]

Originally posted by midnight Target
Sounds familiar.

Once when I was in school, my Dad bought tickets to see the Globetrotters. This was a much bigger deal in the '60's than it is today. I couldn't wait to go. Right before the game my grades arrived and I hadn't done my homework... Dad was pissed. He wanted to leave me home, but instead he took me to the game and for 2 hours he didn't miss an opportunity to tell me how hard those players had to work to get where they were, how much more dedicated they must be, and how I was headed for a job selling popcorn at the stadium instead of a successful career.... I hated that night.

I have to use alittle self-psychology on this, I would probably do the same as your Dad...as a parent we sometimes feel that our little motivation talks are all for naught when we see the bad grades...so I've chosen to not take him at all, because I'd still be bitter and harping on him.  Hindsite is 20-20 but perhaps your Dad should have left you at home instead.  

I didn't sleep good at all last night. I'm still bitter today. I have to watch what I say to him because I can say stuff I don't really mean, that's meant to hurt, and he's still too young with a thin skin....

[midnight Target]

I think I would take him along, but leave the gun at home.

[Ripsnort]

Originally posted by DREDIOCK
Hell no you werent too tough on him.

IF it were me I would have done the same plus giving him a nose to nose R. Lee Ermey style face chewing complete with profanity to boot.

"When I want it to stick I give it to em loud and dirty.
that way they remember it"

"Excellence is standard, standard is substandard. And substandard will NOT be tolerated. THAT I assure you."

That was there as well. I grabbed him by the shirt and stuffed his face into mine and used my share of 4 letter words...it doesn't do any good though. That tactic has never been successful with him. He's a hard-headed one.

I really disappointed. I spend a helluva lot of my time working with him one-on-one with homework...the minute I let him go on his own, and monitor his own work and progress, this crap happens.

[Ripsnort]

Originally posted by midnight Target
I think I would take him along, but leave the gun at home.

Hmmmmmm....now there is an idea...I'll have to consider that.

I'm hoping he can pull something off within the next 48 hours too. I've not given up hope. He could still turn in the assignment and get 50% on it...50% is better than 0.

[culero]

Rip, you know your son better than anyone here. As a committed parent, you're the one who has to decide.

That said, its especially important for talented youths to learn that there are consequences for every behavior. Your boy is by all accounts exceptionally talented. That means he will get plenty of positive reinforcement, because much of what he does will merit reward. Think about how many young men turn irresponsible because they never learn that they can do wrong and that doing wrong does have negative effects on their lives and those around them.

You have many years ahead of you in your relationship with him, many opportunities much like the one you described here to reward him with pleasurable shared experiences.

FWIW, as an outsider I'd say you've done the right thing. The only thing you need to do now is proceed. Just make sure you resolve this for yourself as being in the past, and make damn sure your son understands that. Let him know what your expectations are from here forward, and that you forgive him. Make sure you find some way soon to show him that everything's OK between you. He will respect you for that and be thankful his dad cares.

My dos centavos

PS edit: MT's suggestion is definitely worth considering, especially if your son does some remediation in the meantime. You could actually add something positive by taking both boys along, guns cold, and show them what its like to hunt without killing. I can say as a well experienced hunter/killer that some of my most memorable hunts were times when I chose not to shoot, but rather just observed. 2 more cents

[skernsk]

If it was my kid I would say it's pretty tough.  My son works hard just to get B's so knowing he worked hard to get his grade to the 'B' level I would be happy with that.  

Sounds like your son could do better if he worked a little harder but there is a fine line between positive motivation and creating a child who will just say **** it and not bother trying to please.  I've been pushed to that point.  

How old is he?  Is he in a senior where his grades matter?  In 5 years will a 65% make a difference?  Why does he have to get all A's Rip?  Does he go to school every day?  Does he skip school and get into trouble?  Does he do drugs?  I guess what I'm saying is, Gordon sounds like a good kid.  Why does he have to be perfect?  Can't he just be a kid sometimes?

[Sixpence]

Take him Rip, find something else to use as punishment. These times you spend with your kids are precious. You never know what tomorrow brings, take him, spend time together. Don't punish yourself

[rabbidrabbit]

Originally posted by Sixpence
Take him Rip, find something else to use as punishment. These times you spend with your kids are precious. You never know what tomorrow brings, take him, spend time together. Don't punish yourself

A close friend of mine went back for his High School reunion and a quick hunting trip last week.  He had arrhythmia out of the blue which killed him leaving his stay at home wife and 3 young girls in tough shape.  I'm not looking forward to the service.

[Shuffler]

Rip...

Perhaps all the time he spent in preparation took away from his homework. Stick to your guns, while hunting is a great family sport, his schooling is more important at this time.

Just my 2 cents...... parenting is a tough job, Good Luck on whatever decision you make  

PS My youngest daughter (16) is a straight A student (she'll get 4 college credits this Junior year), active in school Band, brown belt in TaeKwonDo, and has a job. We have been getting offers from Colleges and Universities since her Sophmore year. Makes me tired keeping up with her  lol.

[M36]

On one hand you did the right thing from a parents point of view, tough love is just what it it is, tough. However, on the other hand you spent all this time pumping him up with the safety course, trap shooting, equipment and the thought of going on this hunt. Were bad grades a stipulation for not going? Not taking him now will devastate him. When I was in high school I wasnt allowed to play football. I preferred baseball anyway and really enjoyed it.  Since I was terrible in math, once I got the "D", it was off the team. Happened every year and I tried hard. Well, thirty years later I still havnt forgotten that, and am disappointed to this day.  From his point of view, he may remember this and carry it around for the rest of his life, plus as I said, he will be devastated and it will be worse if the younger brother goes on his hunt.

You didnt say how old he is but I have already been there. My youngest was ten when he went through the safety course, used his birthday money and put a rifle on layaway at Walmart. Pumped him up with the hunt which was going to be his first hunt which happened to be for Elk. His grades where good, but I did run into this problem later which I dealt with in a similar matter. He got drawn for Antelope when he was fourteen here in AZ. Some guys put in for years and never get drawn. This was a hunt of a lifetime and he had bad grades. I caved in considering just what you are doing now, based on my "D" grade experience and let him go because I didnt want him to remember that about me.

Well "Dad", that first trip was the best hunting trip I have ever been on, and will ever have in my life. He got his Elk and I got to share in his excitement and happiness, plus to a ten year old "dad" helped him get his elk. He also worked very hard and got a very nice Antelope on the third morning of his hunt. And add another "best hunting trip of my life" to the list of others. And this was an exciting trip for Grandpa who tagged along.

Sorry for the ranting. You may think you are accomplishing something but in the long run you are going to hurt the relationship between you two that he may carry for years. Find another way to deal with the grades and use it that way. I had some pretty good fights with my youngest and we have really gotten into it on things, but today he is for the most part, he is very responsible, has good grades, stays away form drugs, and is looking forward to being a fireman. Guess I did something right. Maybe letting him go on a couple of hunting trips h elped him get where he is. Now he has some fantastic memories and some good stories that he can tell his kids about their grandpa and his own hunting trips.

And to end all this, you are seriously cheating yourself out of the excitement that he is going to have with his first hunt if he tags out. You will get a lot of mileage out of the story and showing all the pics at work. Enjoy the hunt with your son and let him enjoy the time with his father. In the long run the time is really short.  Good luck on the hunt!!!