Saturday I will learn to eat remnants of lead based paint chips. Purple eggplant looks like it tastes, but I am still woefully hungry. I think I'll have a cup of orange juice, link sausage with biscuits, and gravy too. That should fill me like a sausage pizza would, yummmm. But what about Friday?
I looked at the calendar, and decided to go fishing. When I got to the lake, it was dry and i was naked so I went sheep hunting. When I caught a sheep, I noticed an odd odor coming from the back of Diablo's Camaro, which was parked in the Walmart parking lot. I thought about calling the police but they might taze me for shopping naked. But then I realized I like being tazed naked. This sent chills up and down my now ferociously firm, engorged and extremely enraged pet chihuahua who eat my bag of dog poo. Then came Nilsen, he was wearing a giant blinking vote for Nilsen sign. So then I asked him, "What are you running for?" He said KING of Norway
"How will you motivate voters?" "by wearing a yellow Tutu."
"What if the pirates come?"
"I will bathe with them in a tub of lutefisk covered in jam and mayonaise"
I laughed so hard that I didn't notice ships approaching.
And then a Viking appeared. The Viking, oddly enough was wearing a pink thong which looked strangely like the one i saw on VCs girlfriend. I remember her well, she was white, fluffy, and bahh'd when Vanscrew pinched her butt. Then Skuzzy finally arrived and slapped 'em with a rule 34 for not posting pics of a Viking violating sheep.
At that very moment, a thunderous roar eminated from a nearby cave that opened like the gaping sphincter of death out of the ground.
Out steps rpm with a monkey in one hand and a "It's Bush's Fault" sign in the other. He roared "Don't taze me bro!" when he flung the monkey at Skyrocks Rotten, Spoiled, French Banana. Tim the Enchanter mysteriously appears and pwns Skyrock on 200. Skyrock then challenges him to a strip off New Orleans style.
That is when we noticed who had the smallest banana.
Then a presidential candidate appeared amidst a hail of sniper fire; it was Teddy Roosevelt wearing his top hat and with fire in his eye he said "I AM SPARTACUS". Then he grunted and began licking Skyrock’s television because it was dusty. After getting his fill of dust he turned the set on and watched an infomercial on posting rules. "Rules aren't for me", he snickered, “I’m a Canadian after all.” I have a well shorn horse with a bad neck. Her name's Betty, she wears a cowbell. She flies a b17 bomber when she's not text messaging. She's pining for the fjords, around which she eats grass. Unfortunately the grass causes gas and it killed her parrot.
I woke up realizing I just had the strangest dream. 'Twas even stranger than the time when Lord Helmet went looking for sheep on the moons with zoozoo. The sheep became nervous when Hornet whipped out a stereo and played are you my daddy. The new blaring music weapon was a vast improvement over Wrag's singing. But now I dance, on the floor, in true GG Allin fashion on the beach with crabs snapping at dead mens toes. But I digress, I must stop doing these illegal drugs. I started doing drugs after watching "An Inconvenient Truth". After that I saw Lazs Naked. I sold the pics to Guinness. Then I saw Curval Naked. Those two experiences really opened my sinuses. I sneezed again, moving a tectonic plate which caused California to slide into the Pacific Ocean. This caused Rollins to blow a nut and act like a total hero to all that live naked in their parent's basements. Unfortunately the cops arrived after two pineapples showed up holding a naked dance off with few spectators. They were so sad that they hugged each other and collapsed into a spoon position with Donzo in the middle. Donzo didn't like having his penknife so difficult to reach. Tragically, one of the pineapples was hit by a mobile phone tossed from a car by Donzo's Thai ladyboy 'exchange student'.
(BTW, you guys crack me up!
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