"SEXTING" PLEASE READ PARENTS

[dkff49]

I guess the point is that WE all survived.  Technology is great, but it will never replace common sense.

and BTW.....

That was a BAG phone, not a cell phone 

yes they called it a bag phone but one of the companies that had them was "Cellular One" which is the reason I used cellular and not "cell" in my statement. My auto-intalled phone had no bag 


Your right we did survive but with the higher odds of my daughter running into a nut case I think I would prefer for her to have my cell when she is going to her friends house instead of knocking on some stranger's door. Let's face it things are not as safe out there now as they were when we were growing up Messa. Every parent who had something happen to their child thinks back trying to figure out how they could have avoided loosing their young one and I won't have mine being that I could have given them a way to contact me without knocking on that nut jobs door asking for help. Especially when I can give her my phone to call home with.

[Elfie]

When I was her age I already had earned for my second computer and mind you computers costed a lot in the late 80's. And she already has a computer so this is not an issue, the lack of privacy is. Essentially you're depriving her of her basic human right with your protectiveness. Road to hell is paved with good intentions I guess..

And the cell phone issue, aren't you worried sending her out to the world with no means to call for help? What if she goes out jogging and strains her knee bad enough to not walk in the middle of the forest? What if she goes out driving with a friend and they run out of gas or get a breakdown in middle of nowhere?

I feel a heck of a lot more confident sending my kid out to friends if he's carrying his cell phone. In fact I demand him to keep it with him every time he leaves home.

LOL @ *basic human right*.

You just don't get it. This kid doesn't go places on her own, never has. She just doesn't have to desire to do so. She's not going out driving with friends because her and her friends are not old enough to drive. She won't end up out in the middle of a forest or out in the middle of nowhere because we live in a city of 1.5 million people.

We still have pay phones here and they are not hard to find.

She does not have her own computer, we have 2 computers that are *community use* for the entire family.

[Elfie]

Over half of non reported sexual contact on minor children is from friends and family members that the "parents" trust

If it's not reported.......how does anyone know how much sexual contact with minors in happening let alone who is doing the contacting? Seems to me, if its not reported, then no one can do anything more than give guesstimates.

[MrRiplEy[H]]

LOL @ *basic human right*.

You just don't get it. This kid doesn't go places on her own, never has. She just doesn't have to desire to do so. She's not going out driving with friends because her and her friends are not old enough to drive. She won't end up out in the middle of a forest or out in the middle of nowhere because we live in a city of 1.5 million people.

We still have pay phones here and they are not hard to find.

She does not have her own computer, we have 2 computers that are *community use* for the entire family.

Umm so you don't think every human being is entitled to privacy? Interesting.

She doesn't go places on her own, she's gullible and naive. All at the age of 14. You should think what happens when she goes to college and attends the first party.

Now next you're going to tell me you're planning to homeschool her untill she turns 21. 

[Elfie]

I just don't consider privacy a basic human right for children. You can think what you want.

[MrRiplEy[H]]

I just don't consider privacy a basic human right for children. You can think what you want.

Whoa.. You know I was making bus trips from city to city alone at the age of 6 and you don't trust her at the age of 14? The day that you lose grips on her will be devastating for you both.

[Elfie]

You still don't get it. It isn't my job to trust her.  It isn't my job to be her friend. It's my job to be her father. It's my job to teach her. It's my job to watch out for her and guide her as she grows up. If I don't do it....who will? No one will because it isn't anyone elses job.

I could care less how you deal with your kids because I am not responsible for how your kids turn out. I am responsible for how my kids turn out and I take that responsibility very seriously.

There were a couple kids here who's parents didn't check up on them to make sure they were doing things right and not getting themselves into trouble. These kids made bombs in their parents garages and basements. These kids went to a school called Columbine and went on a killing spree before committing suicide. Those kids parents could have prevented all that mayhem simply by checking up on their internet activity (the kids had a website that gave clues to what was going on), they could have (and should have) checked their own homes and stopped the bombs being built. They could have found the guns and ammo in their homes before these kids committed their heinous acts of violence. If the parents had just monitored their childrens activities they would have seen what was going on, only then could that terrible tragedy have been prevented.

My kids aren't going to be like those kids who's parents gave them free rein to do whatever. I refuse to be the parent that doesn't keep watch over his children.

[moot]

I'm not there so I can't say anything for sure, but the main point I think, is that you sound like you're teaching her to rely on you rather than herself. You're teaching her to have someone protect her instead of helping her be self-sufficient.

[Elfie]

You know I was making bus trips from city to city alone at the age of 6

I'm betting someone took you to the bus station and made sure you got on the correct bus at the correct time, then someone picked you up at your destination. I'd also bet that someone on the bus, the driver or perhaps an attendant, was in charge of watching you while you were on the bus and made sure you got off the bus at the correct stop and made sure someone was there to pick you up.

No 6 year old is going to do all of that completely on his own, sorry....you aren't fooling anyone with that line.

[Elfie]

I'm not there so I can't say anything for sure, but the main point I think, is that you sound like you're teaching her to rely on you rather than herself. You're teaching her to have someone protect her instead of helping her be self-sufficient.

It's a daily chore to get her to make even small decisions for herself, or to rely on her own skills. She does have them but it's worse than pulling teeth to get her to use them. heh

[MrRiplEy[H]]

(Image removed from quote.)


I'm betting someone took you to the bus station and made sure you got on the correct bus at the correct time, then someone picked you up at your destination. I'd also bet that someone on the bus, the driver or perhaps an attendant, was in charge of watching you while you were on the bus and made sure you got off the bus at the correct stop and made sure someone was there to pick you up.

No 6 year old is going to do all of that completely on his own, sorry....you aren't fooling anyone with that line.

Sure I was taken to the bus and someone came to pick me up. But hey I was 6, all sorts of stuff could happen at any bus stop including leaving on the wrong stop. From the sound of it your kid is not allowed to do this at 14.

You can raise your kids any way you like but IMO you should think about your own words 'gullible and naive'. A girl at 14 should not have those characteristics anymore or she's an exploit waiting to happen. You can't hold her much longer anymore. Two years max.

When I was young the kids who had restrictive parents did all the worst stunts behind their backs whenever they got the chance. One of the raunchiest was the girl of the police chief. She got more balls slammed at her than a bowling alley figuratively speaking. At home everything was tight and neat..

[vorticon]

^ I'm sure that there are other examples here where having a phone would be advantageous.

If I had a child I'd be with MrRipley on the phone issue. They wouldn't be leaving the house without it.

Not only that, they'd be using it to keep me posted at all times.

Should they not answer it when I called them there would be hell to pay.

the point is, a kid should be able to get out of situations without getting bailed out by their parents. and by properly informing the parents of where they are going, how they are getting there and how long it is expected to take, the parents can still bail the kid out if necessary. depends where you live of course. there are situations where a cell phone is a nice to have, most of those are foreseeable and have a decent chance of happening...no reason why the kid can't be allowed to borrow a cell phone for that.

as for the rest of that...somehow i managed to do exactly that without ever touching a cell phone.

[moot]

It's a daily chore to get her to make even small decisions for herself, or to rely on her own skills. She does have them but it's worse than pulling teeth to get her to use them. heh

That's what I meant.. That right there is closer to the real cause of the problems than any keylogging "safety".  The same way you'd want a gun because cops are only there after the fact, you want your daughter on the fast track to autonomy.  Like I said though, this is just truisms because I'm not there in person like you are.  It is my opinion from what I've read and from a lot of first-hand experience of both great and terrible parenting, though.

[Elfie]

You can raise your kids any way you like but IMO you should think about your own words 'gullible and naive'. A girl at 14 should not have those characteristics anymore or she's an exploit waiting to happen.

Gullible and naive have nothing to do with age. It's a state of mind that many adults can't seem to get past, let alone a 14 yr old girl. If there were no gullible and naive adults scammers wouldn't make millions by sending out all those junk emails that we like to laugh at here. You know, like those ones coming from Nigeria where the sender claims you have some long lost rich relative that just bought the farm and for a few hundred dollars they can make all the arrangements to get you your money. Gullible and Naive adults fall for those types of scams every day.

The fact that my daughter is gullible and naive just means that my wife and I have to work harder at watching over her and educating her so that hopefully later in life she doesn't end up being one of those morons that actually replies to an email like the one I just described.

[Elfie]

That's what I meant.. That right there is closer to the real cause of the problems than any keylogging "safety".  The same way you'd want a gun because cops are only there after the fact, you want your daughter on the fast track to autonomy.  Like I said though, this is just truisms because I'm not there in person like you are.  It is my opinion from what I've read and from a lot of first-hand experience of both great and terrible parenting, though.

Make no mistake, we make her make decisions. Sometimes it takes her forever to do it though.

One decision I let both daughters make is what to have for dinner. The 5 yr old gets all excited and runs out and finds something she wants. The 14 yr old just sits there and looks at me and says something like.....I don't care what we have. I have to make her get up and go look at what we have and make a choice. It's like that with nearly all the decisions we try to get her to make, it's like we are dragging her kicking and screaming towards adult hood. It's getting better....slowly. (That's just one example of decisions we try to get her to make.)

Each child is so different, each one presents a unique set of challenges. Take my son for instance, he always wanted to make his own decisions and when he was 14 he thought he should be out in an apartment on his own making his own rules......he couldn't even legally sign a lease at 14 or work enough hours to pay the rent, utilities and buy food.