HT is trying to simulate "Real Time" here, and no matter how he tries, he will NEVER accomplish the task (at least not in my lifetime). What you are expecting is "Real Time" ... don't hold your breath.
Lag ... Smag ... whatever you want to call it all boils down to your connection to the internet/AH Server (PING), how fast the AH server can interpret all the data packets, how fast the results can be sent back to YOUR FE, and last how fast your FE can translate the data packets to visuals. While all this taking place, your FE must continue to present smooth and as close to viable visuals. This is where the "smoothing" technique comes into play as I described above. Without this technique, this game would be unplayable. This is the major contributor to your frustration. While all this transmission/translation is taking place, it MAY APPEAR that your opponent has crashed into you, BUT he really hasn't ... at least not on his FE.
It all boils down to ... "What you see is what you get". Again, If YOU see a collision then YOU will die. If your opponent sees a collision then HE will die. If both see a collision, then BOTH will die. Need I describe the other permutations ...
If you have a "lag" problem then get a better ISP, and a kick-ass video card inside a kick-ass computer and most of your lag problems will disappear. If you can't do this, then deal with it. I have a machine with all of the above and I very rarely get "lag" and if I do, it is usually around a field that has been completely trashed (smoke and fire) and there are more that 20+ planes fighting in close proximity. Things get a little jerky but because I understand what is taking place, I can deal with it, rather than get frustrated.
If you are in an HO and stay with the HO till the point of collision, then you are:
1) Trying to protect a goon at all costs.
2) Believe that you will shoot down the opponent before a collision occurs.
3) Playing "chicken".
2) whatever ...
Any of the reasons stated above or any other reason that you can think of, with the exception of "1", then you got what you deserved.