Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: infowars on December 04, 2008, 12:28:52 PM
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Yeah I just found out last night that mine is. I really thought I was a stronger person but I am not taking this very well... :cry I think AH may have broken the camels back...
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that sux, wish you the best!
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Trade her in on a new one. Nothing worse than betraying one who should trust you the most.
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Yea, been there and done that, it sucks. I can tell you though, honestly, it was for the better as me and this woman were not compatible at all. I missed my kids, and house, but never her. The only reason I missed her was because my pride was hurt. If she says it is because all you do is play AH and she doesnt get any attention then I guess you need to re-evaluate your priorities. Of course, if you don't play that much she might just be using that for an excuse and you will be better off in the long run.
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Sorry to hear that, keep your chin up..... :salute
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Well since she is the one that cheated that makes her the weak one so you are stronger then you think already.
I would try to mend things myself but I did that once and after seven years of it the divorce came anyway. I guess you have a lot of soul searching and considering to do. Sorry this happened sir.
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Thanks guys...
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Ask her if you can join the fun. Then it's not cheating, it's a party!
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Been there info (walked in on my fiance and best friend), and it sucks. Just keep your head and don't do anything stupid, in a few years you'll probably look back and realise you're much better off without her.
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Best way to get over a woman is to get over a woman. Get on out there, the hunt's on...
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damn, I just find a new one! open cell phone fonebook and randomly start calling ladies!
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damn, I just find a new one! open cell phone fonebook and randomly start calling ladies!
:lol
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Yeah I just found out last night that mine is. I really thought I was a stronger person but I am not taking this very well... :cry I think AH may have broken the camels back...
Seriously, were you playing too much?
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Info, dude I am sorry you had to experience the ultimate betrayal. In my experience no matter what BS they try and give you, once a cheater always a cheater.
damn, I just find a new one! open cell phone fonebook and randomly start calling ladies!
Yea right, according to your myspace you're single. But you do have a lot of hot Asian friends! Hook a brother up I gots t3h yellow fevors OMGOMGOMG.
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Yea, been there and done that, it sucks. I can tell you though, honestly, it was for the better as me and this woman were not compatible at all. I missed my kids, and house, but never her. The only reason I missed her was because my pride was hurt. If she says it is because all you do is play AH and she doesnt get any attention then I guess you need to re-evaluate your priorities. Of course, if you don't play that much she might just be using that for an excuse and you will be better off in the long run.
Well said.
The life goes on.
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Sorry to hear that. Even if you spent every waking hour on AH or whatever else, that is NOT an excuse for her to cheat. That is a lame excuse. There is absolutely NO reason to break vows. Period. If things were that bad, then a divorce should have been sought by her.
Do not blame yourself (if you kept your vows) as you were the one who ahered to moral standards and did not commit the most despicible act of violating trust. If one cannot be trusted then they are not worthy of being a friend, much less a spouse.
Get rid of her and find another. The sooner the better.
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Sorry to hear that. Even if you spent every waking hour on AH or whatever else, that is NOT an excuse for her to cheat. That is a lame excuse. There is absolutely NO reason to break vows. Period. If things were that bad, then a divorce should have been sought by her.
Do not blame yourself (if you kept your vows) as you were the one who ahered to moral standards and did not commit the most despicible act of violating trust. If one cannot be trusted then they are not worthy of being a friend, much less a spouse.
Get rid of her and find another. The sooner the better.
I hate to break it to you but a divorce is a break of the vows.
Unless you used the alternate, "Until death or divorce do us part" vows.
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Gosh Infowars I am so sorry to hear this. I had the same thing happen. Don't know if I can put in the right words but I will try. I was so heartbroken, so despondent, and so negative. That went on for about 2 years. I frequented bars. I would wonder if my kids are okay with out me to protect them. Suicide often crossed my thoughts. But then I wouldn't be there for the kids. I had actually tried everything to make this marriage work. I would turn the tv off so I would listen more intently. I went grocery shopping with her. I did everything she asked. In the end I found I didn't have a life and was just waiting on her solely. In spite of her making the same kind of money I was making I paid almost all the bills and actually was going broke while she lived the high life. That's not living. In the end I realized that there was nothing I could do to make her happy. Did I make some mistakes. Oh Yeah! Many of them. Still though all marriages have there hurdles and people make them work. Two things brought me out of it. One I turned to God and asked forgiveness and asked him daily to remove this anger. It was killing me. Then my mom sent me on a trip to Atlanta to visit my brother and his wife. When I came back I had a whole new attitude and realized hey I'm an okay guy. I joined the YMCA and started working out every single day. Lost 40 lbs. Then my kids and I started hiking. It turned out to be the best time of my life.
Later I found out that my ex-wife had been molested by her dad. So I really can't even hate her. That is just awful.
I guess my point is yeah you probably made some mistakes but it doesn't matter if they're going to cheat they're going to cheat. I would offer that you pray and pray with conviction.
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you guys are great... I highly doubt it was AH that did me in. Its been brewing a while. I guess she just found a new job before she left the old one... It is the kid that bothers me the most. Any moment I'm not at work I with him.
Gonna take some readjustments I guess.
Thanks again.
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Hang in there sir things will get better..
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Yeah, twice......she cheated with the same guy both times. I hung around for 10 years after she did it the first time. Eventually ended up playing AH a LOT, and she brought that up when we were drawing up the divorce papers. I told her I had in fact played AH alot, it was my escape from the BS she was dealing out in an effort to deflect guilt from herself for being the cheater.
In the end, I knew it was for the best that we part ways. My pride was hurt by her cheating, not my heart.
She married the mutt, and now, not even 5 years later, she is doing the SAME THING to HIM: Suddenly has feelings for a guy she met online, moved out, yadda, yadda, yadda......rinse and repeat.
There are times to swallow your pride and try to make it work. There are also women out there who will not be happy no matter who they are with....once they decide they are not happy, they start looking; once they find someone else, and know they have a place and someone to go to, they leave and then make "excuses" for cheating and leaving.
It's up to you to decide what you are gonna do. In my case, I tried to forgive and forget.......it was she who never forgave herself or gave up on being with the guy, and I lived under constant scrutiny and accusation for 10 years after that.
NO ONE is worth that. Have a heart to heart with her, have a small digital recorder with you and talk things over......tell her you just wanna know the truth so you can deal with it......then make sure you have it on record if or when she starts coming clean or confessing. (In TX, that is legal, don't know about other states. As long as it's face to face, you can record everything without her knowledge, in TX that is)
Then kick her to the curb. When she accuses you or AH for her own cheating, don't get mad.....just be calm and respond that playing a game is not infidelity. If it goes to divorce court, play her confession (you did remember to turn the recorder on, didn't you?) to your lawyer. Let him/her handle it from there. Unless your attorney says it's okay, don't talk to her anymore til the final hearing is over.
I sound extreme, I know, but having been there and done that........you are better off without her.
I hate to hear that you are going through this, but in a year or two, you will look back and wonder how you missed the signs and realize your life is better without her in it.
My 2 cents............
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Dont think mine has cheated on me, but we have talked about the subject on various occations as i guess most have with their missuses in some form or another. She knows that if she ever made that mistake then I dont want to know about it. Just as she would not want to know if I did. Sometimes not knowing is better if you have messed up. If it is an ongoing affair though its another matter completly.
I feel for you infowars. Ive had a girlfriend cheat on me when i was a young man and with hindsight i wish i had not known as it was a one time deal.
Everone can make mistakes. If she brakes it off with guy I would want to try to fix it if I was you and she wants to too. If you have a kid then there is alot at stake and worth fighting for even if it hurts like a BIATCH!
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Yea right, according to your myspace you're single. But you do have a lot of hot Asian friends! Hook a brother up I gots t3h yellow fevors OMGOMGOMG.
Dood being single allows you to do w/e you want ! it's da best for now !
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I hate to break it to you but a divorce is a break of the vows.
Unless you used the alternate, "Until death or divorce do us part" vows.
A divorce nullifies said vows.
The intent on this is that one should make it known that there is a problem, do the respectable thing and get a divorce (nullify vows) before breaking them and sleeping with another.
This lets both parties know that the relationship is over without question rather than keep quiet and slide a large knife in the back of the other. To me, thats about as low as one can go.
Back on issue:
Infowars, I understand you have a child involved. This makes things awkward. You should move on swiftly and find yourself someone who really loves you and can be trusted. Spend as much time as you can with your child and act respectable towards his mother when you are all present. No matter what she does to you, she will always be your child's mother and should be respected as such, even if she cannot be trusted as a spouse.
You must do what makes you happy. Personally, I would never be able to trust her again and without trust there can be no happiness.
You have some soul searching to do.....just don't forget how many other women are out there. Searching for the right one can reveal one with a pure heart.
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duplicate
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Usually when they tell you they need their space they're already hitting something else. Women like to have the next one lined up before they ditch the current steady. Let it be known that when your woman tells you it's over she's already done the deed. Men have this horrible rep for being dogs but I'll tell you, after playing in bands in bars for many years, I've learned that women are much more likely to cheat than men. And they can do it without conscious. They have this uncanny ability to rationalize their wrongdoing into being YOUR fault. Don't fall for it.
When my first wife and I split I went through about three years of total hell. I'm very glad now that we split. The only problem is kids, who will suffer no matter how you go about it. All you can do is the best you can and rest easy in the knowledge that you did everything you could and it was her decision.
And the best thing you can do, for yourself and your kids, is to forgive her. You have to eventually or it will kill you - literally. I remember a moment of clarity I had after we'd been split for almost three years when I heard Don Henley sing "The Heart of the Matter" on the radio. It was an old song even then but it was like I was hearing it again for the very first time and I understood exactly what he was saying. I understood then that it really is all about forgiveness and using our experiences-good and bad-to build ourselves into better human beings.
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When life throws you lemons, make lemonade
Divorce and cheating is a terrible thing, and unfortunatly terrible things happen all the time and it's sadly a part of life, the only thing anyone can do is move ahead and try their best to live and enjoy life to the fullest, because it's your one shot. The worst thing you can do at this point is think about the "what if's" because they'll kill ya inside. It's a wide world my friend, do your best to enjoy it, although i know it's a tough thing to do right now.
-Double D
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Sorry I did leave out the most important thing......others who posted touched on it tho..........
You be there for your child. No matter what, you do your best. Don't get involved in the mudslinging......be there, be a positive role model. Make sure your child KNOWS he/she can count on you no matter what happens.
The children are innocents and need to be protected from the fallout of a divorce as much as is possible.
I got custody of my son, have been there and put any search for a potential gf or companion on hold as I made a promise to be there for him.
His mother, on the other hand, has betrayed his trust in her and in women in general to the point that I seriously doubt he will ever let himself become involved in a serious relationship.
The sad irony is, his mother contends that she is doing nor has done anything wrong. She's alienated her own sons to where they don't want to have anything to do with her, but......in her own words, she deserves to be happy....."everyone else will have to get used to it".
Sorry to sound so negative, infowars, but my own faith and trust in women is at an all time low..........disregard my posts, listen to more level headed posters.
Hang in there, it will get better in time..............
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I agree, the child(ren) should be your only concern. Look big picture. My situation when I left the house was this. I would get my kids up, get them ready in the morning, take them to school, or the sitters. Pick them up after work. Make them dinner, put them to bed. In my "spare" time I would do their laundry, play with them etc. etc. If asked, their mother would tell you with a straight face that she raised those children by herself from day 1. Hell, I even breastfed my daughter because my wife at the time wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night! I had to plop her boob out, put the baby down to feed, and roll her over to the other side and repeat. But I digress.... Like I said, look at the big picture, now here we are some 8 years after my divorce, my son now lives with me because he knows I love him uncondionally and will do anything I can in my power for him. His mom makes about 3x the money I do, but he doesnt care. Kids are not stupid, do good by them and you will reap the benefits eventually.
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I'd say get her to commit, one way or the other. Either she renews her committment to you (and your child), or it's immediate splitsville. If she decides to stick with you, then require counseling. If she won't do it, then she obviously isn't committed right?
The reason to require her to make the hard choice right NOW is because of the child. The kid will become the center of the fight if your wife isn't forced to make her choice immediately. Because it's her that has betrayed you, not the other way around. Your choice will be made by what *she* decides to do about it, because it's unlikely custody of the child will be awarded to you even though she cheated on you. So she needs to make the choice right NOW. If she chooses to not be faithful to you and her child (and she should understand that she has also betrayed her child just as much as she has betrayed you), then get the divorce and child custody ruling done as soon as possible.
IMHO.
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By all means think of the child first. Making a mistake is human but if she intended this to be the beginning of the rest of her life then its time to move on. Like I said before time for soul searching and...
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Move on and up... DO NOT sling mud ever, record everything, keep receipts, bank account statements.
NO WOMAN is worth keeping after such an incident EVER.... Toss her. Don't be sad just be thank full that you learnt this now rather than throwing your hole life away with her.
Make a very good home for your child and you and ask her to leave. that way you keep the house (worked for me)
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I won't pretend to have any wise advice, everyones situation is different, and emotions will prevent rational thought, but hopefully you will step back, give yourself some time to let the yourself absorb the situation and make decisions about where you want your life and your relationship to go, and can make that happen. However it turns out, I wish you the best and hope you can remember that some day soon you will see the sun shine again, you will smile and you will laugh again, and life will be good.
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I'm glad to see so many here point out that the child is the first priority. Do what's best for him or her. How old?
and she should understand that she has also betrayed her child just as much as she has betrayed you
Quoted for truth.
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This is ironic because I constantly preach about the desruction of families and the horrible impact it has on society. I very much believe kids need both parents.
Well it is what it is and there isn't much you can do other than your best.
Thanks for all the support. You guys rock....
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If you got kids, don't get a divorce. Try to let it go. Kids do need their parents, even if it's her fault, the kids won't care either way. You both split, they think it's their fault.
I wouldn't say to patch things up, but tell your wife that there's more important things in her life than just "getting some." IMHO, that's being greedy, and it could cost her her own kid's childhood.
It took my best friend about 3 years to get over it after his parents got divorced. And he still can barely handle it.
Edit: I've looked back, through here, and to all of my friends, and I've never met a guy who actually cheated. *shrugs* and I've met women who say they can't trust a single man while at the same time, they're two-timing their boyfriend.
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Yeah man, what everyone else is saying.. Make the kid(s) the priority.
YOU do what ever is best for them.. You're wife: well, to be straight-up, once a cheat, always a cheat. I've never known anyone that has had their "significant" other remain faithful after an
incident such as this. It is your choice.. However, do not set yourself up for failure. Also, depending on what state you are in, custody isn't always awarded to the mother.. Hell, after this incident, she may just give you custody so she can continue her escapade unimpeded. If you don't mind me asking, what age group are you and her in and who old is the child?
Age of the child has a lot to do with how they will handle a split should you choose to do so..
Good luck to you sir! For what it's worth, we of the AH community stand behind you! :salute
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Dude, My heart bleeds for you.
It's not ordinarily advisable to offer much in the way of specific advice, as none was solicited, nor are the specifics known, nor should they be.
But,
If I may, a couple of tactical guidelines.
- Don't make it into a fight. If it does let it be one sided. If anyone ever says you as much as raised your voice, you'll have a problem.
- As much as we tend to avoid painful experiences, it's important to obtain any and all verification of the transgression. You may choose to let
it slide but you will regret not taking notes if push comes to shove.
- If you have the slightest feeling this may be a deal breaker. File. Not tomorrow, today. You can always blow off the court date if you
reconcile.
- Do some housekeeping. Sequester anything you have that may be a point of contention later on. Get a new bank account, store all things
valuable. Have important correspondence forwarded away from home.
- Do not take it too personally. It happens to the best of us. It's in a woman's fundamental chemistry to be dishonest and self absorbed. Our
grandfathers knew it. Where do you think the barefoot/pregnant chestnut came from? Most can tell you that there is ultimately a rainbow
coming even though the storm seemingly has no end. But that's your choice. It's true that time tends to heal all wounds to some degree. It's
also true that often it's not what happens but how you let it affect you that counts. Trust me, if you choose to run the race again you'll be
armed with insights you never could have possessed the first time around.
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If you got kids, don't get a divorce. Try to let it go.
No.
NO WOMAN is worth keeping after such an incident EVER.... Toss her.
Make a very good home for your child and you and ask her to leave. that way you keep the house.
Yes.
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Kid come first.
Good luck!
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Explain to her whats strong enough for a man, but MADE for a women... (the back of your hand) and tell her to get da'funk out!
hehe sorry though dude.. sometimes life sucks.. 8)
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I've seen this up close and personal.
Some good advice written above, especially with regards to your kid(s). You need to get a decision from her one way or the other. Something in writing, or renewed vows in front of other people. Something to hold her accountable. It's not to be mean, but to cover your own butt in the future.
Talk to a lawyer. Don't let her know/threaten her with it, but learn what might lie ahead legally. Make sure you know your finances (and hers, if possible).
Whatever decision you eventually make (on your own or together), doing this will help you at least take some action now and feel like you are in control. Nothing could be worse than her lawyer contacting you saying you need to move out of the house b/c you're getting divorced and she's taking care of the child...in your house.
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I've been cheated on and it hurts, but at other times in life i have cheated myself. Just because I get cheated by a person i have done nothing too I have no right to complain if I have ever cheated one other person who didnt deserve it. It's all a cycle and to get the best of it you have to give your best.
Lies are what enables human society to fuction. The raw truth of how everyone truly thinks and lives their lives would be too much to handle. If we all were forced to speak nothing but the truth civillization would crumble in a day. Chosing who to lie to is giving the best of ourselves and getting it back and even then we dont know who the next person to cheat us will be.
Dont think mine has cheated on me, but we have talked about the subject on various occations as i guess most have with their missuses in some form or another. She knows that if she ever made that mistake then I dont want to know about it. Just as she would not want to know if I did. Sometimes not knowing is better if you have messed up. If it is an ongoing affair though its another matter completly.
I feel for you infowars. Ive had a girlfriend cheat on me when i was a young man and with hindsight i wish i had not known as it was a one time deal.
Everone can make mistakes. If she brakes it off with guy I would want to try to fix it if I was you and she wants to too. If you have a kid then there is alot at stake and worth fighting for even if it hurts like a BIATCH!
Amazing way of looking at it Nils, and you are right that not knowing would be better for a one off mistake. But im sure you and your lady know each other well enough to sense when something had happened. I don't have yet such a strong relationship that you must have to look at things this way. Though despite the obvious chance for lies with this attitude, it is a realistic way of looking at life and probably the best chance of avoiding those lies in the first place. Thank you.
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You also need to think your expectations in either scenario. The thing about expectations is, you can't be mad at others for not living up to your expectations, remember that. If you choose to reconsile with her, do it for the right reasons, but reconsile with yourself, the fact that it will most likely happen again. Are you willing to trade happiness in the long term to avoid misery in the short term? And, in the event you do try and make it work are you willing and able to never bring this up to her in an argument or a heated moment? ("I can't believe you are golfing again this weekend!" Well, at least I'm not screwing my secretary like some people!") You know, stuff like that :D. This is really bad timing with Christmas around the corner, I would advise taking a couple of hours in a nice quiet place, do your best to remove yourself from any emotions of betrayal and anger and ask yourself, if this was happening to your best friend, what advice would you give him. Then follow that advice.
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I've been cheated on and it hurts, but at other times in life i have cheated myself. Just because I get cheated by a person i have done nothing too I have no right to complain if I have ever cheated one other person who didnt deserve it. It's all a cycle and to get the best of it you have to give your best.
Lies are what enables human society to fuction. The raw truth of how everyone truly thinks and lives their lives would be too much to handle. If we all were forced to speak nothing but the truth civillization would crumble in a day. Chosing who to lie to is giving the best of ourselves and getting it back and even then we dont know who the next person to cheat us will be.
Amazing way of looking at it Nils, and you are right that not knowing would be better for a one off mistake. But im sure you and your lady know each other well enough to sense when something had happened. I don't have yet such a strong relationship that you must have to look at things this way. Though despite the obvious chance for lies with this attitude, it is a realistic way of looking at life and probably the best chance of avoiding those lies in the first place. Thank you.
LIE, lie, lie, ALWAYS lie..it's the only way to keep the union alive and argument free. as "they" say " the truth hurts". :rofl
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Yeah I just found out last night that mine is. I really thought I was a stronger person but I am not taking this very well... :cry I think AH may have broken the camels back...
Yeah, had that experience ONCE...went to the "wife store" and bought a new one...been living happily ever after. Try it, guarantee you'll like it. :cool:
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Well I gave it another shot today. i bought her a diamond she always wanted and I always said stop smoking crack around the kids.... That didn't work. She is still moving and still seeing this other dude.
Man this is really painful... It will be easy for me to get another chick, probably even a better one, but seriously that is a last thing in my mind. How long until that desire comes back. Hell all my internet girlfriends aren't even appealling anymore. lol
You guys are helping me really....
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Well I gave it another shot today. i bought her a diamond she always wanted and I always said stop smoking crack around the kids....
I hope you were kidding about buying her a diamond.... You lost me on the crack smoking part?
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Never really talk about his to anyone but here I am on a BBS about to do that very thing I said I'd never do...
When I was 20, I met and fell in love with a girl in London UK, Anyways got engaged and all the rest, 2 days before being sent to the Falkland Islands I found out she had cheated and that devasted me, All I wanted to do was to get of that Plane and go and try and fix it or turn back time, It took me around 4 years to get into a relationship again after that. If I have anything to pass on to you info it is this:
No matter how hard it will be to sleep at night on your own, or to stop thinking in terms of two, you will come out at the end in good shape my friend, hollow words right now but I've been there and by the looks of things so have others. Just keep going, pat yourself on the back and realise that your better of right now on your own.
<S> The Tunester
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Yeah I really did... One of the things she complained about is the fact that she ever got an official ring, considering we got married when I was unemployed. I thought that'd do the trick.
I guess she is just in love....
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Yeah I really did... One of the things she complained about is the fact that she ever got an official ring, considering we got married when I was unemployed. I thought that'd do the trick.
I guess she is just in love....
Didn't Kobe teach you anything, you only buy diamonds when you get caught cheating! But seriously, don't be a doormat for this woman, her not having a ring isn't justification for what she did, buying her a ring now is not going to repair the damage her indesecretions have caused. Value yourself, don't reward her doing wrong. She will NOT respect you if you beg her to stay, you will be a mealticket and nothing more to her and this WILL happen again. If she has made up her mind and thinks the grass is greener, let her graze on the other side of the fence. Go on with your life, don't rush into anything or try and "get back" at her in any way. She will realize sooner or later she made a mistake, and she will most likely end up doing to her new beau what she did to you. I once heard someone say "Living well is the best revenge". I believe this to be true.
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The moment the line is crossed its over.
No matter if its a wife or a husband.. once the line is crossed once it only means it is easier to cross it again ...and again...
The only reason I could possibly think of hanging around such a person is if the kids are small. If they are over 18 then they should be old enough to handle it.
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Yes.
You know what effect divorce has on the kids? Last person to commit suicide at my school was because her parents were getting divorced. If your kids are too young to remember, it may be okay. If they're any older than 8 or 9, don't do it unless it's your last option.
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As someone who has over come drug addiction, I think a major problem is her smoking crack, I'm guessing whoever this guy is, he most likely smokes crack too. If she's getting high all the time she isn't thinking properly and so she's most likely making other bad decisions. She needs to get clean before anything else, crack is a tough drug to kick but you never know, maybe it was the drugs talking this whole time.
In regard to the diamond, i believe the beatles put it best, "i don't care too much for money because money can't buy me love." If she really does love you she shouldn't need diamonds to stick around.
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She is still moving and still seeing this other dude.
Wow, she doesn't give a #$%^ about your child. :( I said to do what's best for the child and left it open ended, but now the choice is clear.
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She doesn't smoke crack... sorry that was a joke... lol
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I thought the crack smoking line was a joke? When I was in college I had a girlfriend who was into xtc. I never tried it, but an affinity for drugs over meaningful relationships is a big red flag. Yeah, she cheated on me! :lol Now I have a great wife who I trust completely. You'll pull through this.
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Well I gave it another shot today. i bought her a diamond she always wanted and I always said stop smoking crack around the kids.... That didn't work. She is still moving and still seeing this other dude.
Man this is really painful... It will be easy for me to get another chick, probably even a better one, but seriously that is a last thing in my mind. How long until that desire comes back. Hell all my internet girlfriends aren't even appealling anymore. lol
You guys are helping me really....
Do you need a house to fall on your head?
See below.
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Yees, my wife cheated on me, with my brother and sister. Was not very nice, i have bad mental picture.
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You know what effect divorce has on the kids? Last person to commit suicide at my school was because her parents were getting divorced. If your kids are too young to remember, it may be okay. If they're any older than 8 or 9, don't do it unless it's your last option.
The last person? Is suicide common where you live (this is a serious question, I'm not trying to make lite of the situation)?
I know several kids who have divorced parents, and they're just as normal as anyone else.
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I hope you were kidding about buying her a diamond.... You lost me on the crack smoking part?
You mean it hadn't occurred to you yet that this whole thing is a marginally decent troll?
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The last person? Is suicide common where you live (this is a serious question, I'm not trying to make lite of the situation)?
I know several kids who have divorced parents, and they're just as normal as anyone else.
Here here. My mom and dad divorced when I was 11 and my mom figured I'd do horrible in school afterwards. I took it hard the first few weeks (thank god it was in the summer). But when school started I seemed to do good, never had below an 85 at the end of the marking periods.
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Don't know, but from what I saw a lot of time WAS spent online............by both father and son. Both happy, both quite content....one teaching the other.....both spending quality time together. Maybe the other did feel a little left out...............is that a qualifier, or an excuse, for cheating...........I don't frigging think so!
Personnally, my wife would have given anything for me to spend as much quality time with my sons (while they were growing up) as I know you do with yours Neo. Don't allow the betrayal to devert your attention from that squeaker that shows up on my wing every so often (btw....he flies better than you now :D)
Hang in there Bro.
<S>
Rokit
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No problems finding another woman? You have it made, my friend... :rock
Kick her to the curb, get your diamond back, and give her the number of the busiest crack dealer you know...(I know you were joking about the crack).
You can rest assured that the failure rate of relationships started during an affair are doomed to fail after one or the other party becomes disinterested..(rinse repeat)
These are just the kind of people they are. If this scumbag she's screwing knew she was married, he deserves a busted jaw at best. If not, you need to make sure he's informed..
She deserves any and all legally horrible things you can do to her(taking custody of the children, making her pay child support, etc.).
Regardless of what others say, she deserves it and it will make you feel better if you're that type of person (I am :devil)
My x-wife pulled the exact same crap on me but went much deeper. We worked for the same company on different floors. My son which I had with her (I refuse to call her his mother) was only 6 months old at the time. She was screwing her boss. 3 years of marriage, and one baby, down the tubes. I found out after the 2nd time they had an "encounter". (an x-girlfriend who I remained friends with told me). She "forgot" to pick up our son from daycare one day. I didn't let on that I knew anything for 2 months. The day she "forgot" to pick up our son was the nail in the coffin. When I got home, I called the bank, credit card companies, rental office, had locks changed. The next day, I even went as far as forcing her to sign the title for her car over to me since I paid for it in full(while ignoring the I'm so sorrys and I love yous). That afternoon, I put everything she owned near the dumpster at our apartment complex. I strolled into work, went up to her dept. and told her boss that she would have to move in with him, his wife, and 3 kids seeing that she couldn't live with me and our son anymore. He laughed in my face and tried to scare me with things like "I know such and such and can have you terminated with a phone call". I logically drew up a list of people who needed to know what was happening. I wrote a letter, made 100 copies, and handed them out at work. I also called her parents and anyone in her family I could think of. I just basically told as many people as possible, including her boss's family (which ended in divorce, losing his job and just about everything he owned). It was especially funny when company security found cocaine in his office(another employee tipped them off). Since my x-wife was involved with him, they demanded she take a drug test which turned out positive for cocaine. Both: fired. :devil
Nothing made me feel better knowing this pariah of a woman and scumbag of a man were suffering horribly for their mis-deed. Her boss is now in jail for possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute(police got involved after the company was informed of the cocaine in his office), and she lives with a mexican and they have another child. I occasionally run in to some mutual friends and they tell me this mexican beats her, treats her like dirt, and doesn't let her or their son leave the house. This makes me smile :D My son has absolutely no contact with her whatsoever. My lovely wife of 5 years is his mother and always will be. This woman did this to the wrong guy (me). I was hurt for about all of 5 seconds. After that, I was furious, but focused. Nothing made me feel better than to see her suffer. When I would question myself on how much I making her suffer, I would answer with "She has no conscious and no guilt if she did this to me and our son". I have no regrets on how I handled it.
I don't know how much importance she puts on your child/children. Obviously not as much as she should. Parents should sacrifice all and everything for their
children. Even their own happiness if it comes down to it. Of course there are cases where the wife or husband has to get away due to violence/drug/other issue and being together
for the children just isn't an option. But, in your case, it doesn't sound like things were not fixable with a little communication. Communication is irrelevant now. The best way to be
in this situation is realistic. And the only thing I can remind you of over and over and over is to CYA (cover your arse). Document or record everything. Transfer any and all funds out of any
joint accounts and make your own personal account she cannot touch. Inform your bank or credit union why you are doing this. Don't let her get a hold of ANY of your money. Most likely, she will try to get some or all in order to start her new life (apartment, car, clothes, new image, etc.)
Cancel ANY and ALL credit cards. Keep all your bills as they will show you who spent what on where and when. I don't know how much money is involved between you two,
but this is always a MAJOR issue in divorce and the guy always gets stuck paying for everything after she's already taken half (or more). Dude, seriously, I cannot stress enough..
You may think you know this woman. You may think she'll never screw you so deeply to basically make you bankrupt (which is a death sentence in this economy). Kids and money
are the most important things here. If you can keep those two things safe, you have already won half the battle.
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Yees, my wife cheated on me, with my brother and sister. Was not very nice, i have bad mental picture.
Boong Boong in the anoos, eh?
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Let me ask you guys something else. She is a nurse aid and is sleeping around with a nurse, I guess the hospital has a policy against that. I'd really like to call and turn them in.
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No problems finding another woman? You have it made, my friend... :rock
Kick her to the curb, get your diamond back, and give her the number of the busiest crack dealer you know...(I know you were joking about the crack).
You can rest assured that the failure rate of relationships started during an affair are doomed to fail after one or the other party becomes disinterested..(rinse repeat)
These are just the kind of people they are. If this scumbag she's screwing knew she was married, he deserves a busted jaw at best. If not, you need to make sure he's informed..
She deserves any and all legally horrible things you can do to her(taking custody of the children, making her pay child support, etc.).
Regardless of what others say, she deserves it and it will make you feel better if you're that type of person (I am :devil)
My x-wife pulled the exact same crap on me but went much deeper. We worked for the same company on different floors. My son which I had with her (I refuse to call her his mother) was only 6 months old at the time. She was screwing her boss. 3 years of marriage, and one baby, down the tubes. I found out after the 2nd time they had an "encounter". (an x-girlfriend who I remained friends with told me). She "forgot" to pick up our son from daycare one day. I didn't let on that I knew anything for 2 months. The day she "forgot" to pick up our son was the nail in the coffin. When I got home, I called the bank, credit card companies, rental office, had locks changed. The next day, I even went as far as forcing her to sign the title for her car over to me since I paid for it in full(while ignoring the I'm so sorrys and I love yous). That afternoon, I put everything she owned near the dumpster at our apartment complex. I strolled into work, went up to her dept. and told her boss that she would have to move in with him, his wife, and 3 kids seeing that she couldn't live with me and our son anymore. He laughed in my face and tried to scare me with things like "I know such and such and can have you terminated with a phone call". I logically drew up a list of people who needed to know what was happening. I wrote a letter, made 100 copies, and handed them out at work. I also called her parents and anyone in her family I could think of. I just basically told as many people as possible, including her boss's family (which ended in divorce, losing his job and just about everything he owned). It was especially funny when company security found cocaine in his office(another employee tipped them off). Since my x-wife was involved with him, they demanded she take a drug test which turned out positive for cocaine. Both: fired. :devil
Nothing made me feel better knowing this pariah of a woman and scumbag of a man were suffering horribly for their mis-deed. Her boss is now in jail for possession of a controlled substance with intent to distribute(police got involved after the company was informed of the cocaine in his office), and she lives with a mexican and they have another child. I occasionally run in to some mutual friends and they tell me this mexican beats her, treats her like dirt, and doesn't let her or their son leave the house. This makes me smile :D My son has absolutely no contact with her whatsoever. My lovely wife of 5 years is his mother and always will be. This woman did this to the wrong guy (me). I was hurt for about all of 5 seconds. After that, I was furious, but focused. Nothing made me feel better than to see her suffer. When I would question myself on how much I making her suffer, I would answer with "She has no conscious and no guilt if she did this to me and our son". I have no regrets on how I handled it.
I don't know how much importance she puts on your child/children. Obviously not as much as she should. Parents should sacrifice all and everything for their
children. Even their own happiness if it comes down to it. Of course there are cases where the wife or husband has to get away due to violence/drug/other issue and being together
for the children just isn't an option. But, in your case, it doesn't sound like things were not fixable with a little communication. Communication is irrelevant now. The best way to be
in this situation is realistic. And the only thing I can remind you of over and over and over is to CYA (cover your arse). Document or record everything. Transfer any and all funds out of any
joint accounts and make your own personal account she cannot touch. Inform your bank or credit union why you are doing this. Don't let her get a hold of ANY of your money. Most likely, she will try to get some or all in order to start her new life (apartment, car, clothes, new image, etc.)
Cancel ANY and ALL credit cards. Keep all your bills as they will show you who spent what on where and when. I don't know how much money is involved between you two,
but this is always a MAJOR issue in divorce and the guy always gets stuck paying for everything after she's already taken half (or more). Dude, seriously, I cannot stress enough..
You may think you know this woman. You may think she'll never screw you so deeply to basically make you bankrupt (which is a death sentence in this economy). Kids and money
are the most important things here. If you can keep those two things safe, you have already won half the battle.
while this may seem all cool and such,
the only thing I can think of is " two wrongs dont make a right."
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Let me ask you guys something else. She is a nurse aid and is sleeping around with a nurse, I guess the hospital has a policy against that. I'd really like to call and turn them in.
Certainly, call it in to her supervisor. Also have a friend make an anonymous call to the hospital patient advocate :)
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You mean it hadn't occurred to you yet that this whole thing is a marginally decent troll?
Yeah, I was thinking the same thing when he talked about the diamond and the crack. It would be a crappy one to pull on the crowd if it is.
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Yees, my wife cheated on me, with my brother and sister. Was not very nice, i have bad mental picture.
You can have the mental picture.
I want the real ones! LOL
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I am going ot reserve my opinion possibly for as later date as to this whole cheating thing. Justified unjustified right/wrong
Whenever it happens the situation sucks. Often for everyone involved. Even the cheater.
Each of us has our own lives and line to tow
None of us is in a position to pass judgement on the actions of another as to right or wrong.
And I have yet to see the split up where both sides didnt share at least some responsibly for the break up or the events that led up to it.
Not one.
And I've yet to see a break up where each side didnt point a finger at the other while minimizing their own responsibility.
almost as rare is the person who says "It was all my fault"
As for infowars situation in particular.
Only you and your wife know what your specific relationship is/was like. We are only hearing one side of the story.
Only you two can decide what to do and where to go from here.
You have to know whats right for you and your family.
what you both really want.
And what you both can realistically expect.
You can recover form this if you BOTH really want to. In fact. Most relationships do recover
But,
"Both" is the operative word.
You BOTH have to want it to work and you BOTH have to be willing to do what it takes to work.
A split is never easy.
On many different levels. From emotions to the kids to the finances
ALL must be taken into equal consideration
Staying together isnt easy either.
but you BOTH have to weigh the pros and cons of each.
And you BOTH have to decide what is best for your specific situation.
And your specific relationship.
You and your wife have to decide. Not us. We can offer advise and support, and perhaps a bit of an emotional crutch and sounding board.
Our take on the situation is based only on your side of it.
So naturally our side will be somewhat biased.
In the end whatever you do it will have to be what you BOTH decide to do.
Not what we tell you you should do.
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Well I gave it another shot today. . . . She is still moving and still seeing this other dude.
She has made her decision. Period. End of story.
Work on dealing with the decision that is already made -- there is no going back, no diamond ring or anything else is going to change it. Think about it -- if the diamond ring had worked, all it would have spoken to is that she is a fickle little bunt and just as likely to dump you back to the curb in a week. You do not need, nor deserve, that kind of grief.
Better off without her. Doesn't make it hurt less, but it is the truth.
Lots of good advice already in this thread about how to protect yourself . . . I would use it if I were you.
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www.nomarriage.com
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To flip this one, I wonder how many of the posters have cheated on their wifes....
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To flip this one, I wonder how many of the posters have cheated on their wifes....
Many, Many, MANY oppertunities, but no. On the other hand, as I stated in an earlier post, I have seen many, Many, MANY women who have no problem cheating without remorse and have the uncanny ability to blame their infidelity on their husband.
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A divorce nullifies said vows.
The intent on this is that one should make it known that there is a problem, do the respectable thing and get a divorce (nullify vows) before breaking them and sleeping with another.
This lets both parties know that the relationship is over without question rather than keep quiet and slide a large knife in the back of the other. To me, thats about as low as one can go.
Actually, divorce doesn't nullify vows. A divorce is a legal termination of a marriage contract. Marriage vows have nothing to do with the law and the law has nothing to do with the vows.
If you get married in a church there are two ceremonies taking place. One is the legal contract of marriage according to the government rules regarding civil marriage. The other is the religious marriage ceremony. Religions usually provide some sort standard marriage vow content in accordance with the belief system.
If you only have a civil ceremony there is only one marriage going on, the legal one. In a civil ceremony there isn't even a requirement for vows. It is a purely legal proceeding, like closing on a mortgage.
A divorce terminates the legal contract but it does nothing about the vows undertaken at marriage.
You speak of nullification of vows. I know the Catholic church grants annulment of marriage according to the law of the Catholic church. It basically declares that the marriage was invalid and never existed in the eyes of the church.
Catholics can be divorced legally but still married in the eyes of the church. The converse is also true.
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The last person? Is suicide common where you live (this is a serious question, I'm not trying to make lite of the situation)?
I know several kids who have divorced parents, and they're just as normal as anyone else.
No. Not common at all. That was the 5th student to ever die at the school since it was built in 1978. 1 was killed in Iraq, 2 died of disease, and 1 was hit by a car.
I personally did not know her, but her parents getting a divorce is what put her over the edge.
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She has made her decision. Period. End of story.
Work on dealing with the decision that is already made
Musta missed the post this was in response to.
But like I said. Whatever you both decided to do. In this case she has made up your mind for you.
Time to work on your defenses.
Use your head. Not emotion.
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Never forget this is out there just waiting for you..
(http://img217.imageshack.us/img217/787/zarapk6.th.jpg) (http://img217.imageshack.us/my.php?image=zarapk6.jpg)
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Buddy I just pulled your November stats and if is squawking about that then you have a bigger problem. Heck way back in the bad old days I remember some times when I pulled in 10-15 hours a week flying online. That was the time my wife was really squawking at me but nowhere near divorce. Plus that was in playing Rainbow Six as well as flying in AW, WB and AH.
Move on brother and may you find peace.
SWneocon's General Stats for Late War Tour 106
Total Sorties: 826
Total Sortie Time: 3 days 21:20:46
SWneocon's General Stats for Mid War Tour 106
Total Sorties: 25
Total Sortie Time: 02:34:40
SWneocon's General Stats for Early War Tour 106
Total Sorties: 1
Total Sortie Time: 00:00:48
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Buddy I just pulled your November stats and if is squawking about that then you have a bigger problem. Heck way back in the bad old days I remember some times when I pulled in 10-15 hours a week flying online. That was the time my wife was really squawking at me but nowhere near divorce. Plus that was in playing Rainbow Six as well as flying in AW, WB and AH.
Move on brother and may you find peace.
SWneocon's General Stats for Late War Tour 106
Total Sorties: 826
Total Sortie Time: 3 days 21:20:46
SWneocon's General Stats for Mid War Tour 106
Total Sorties: 25
Total Sortie Time: 02:34:40
SWneocon's General Stats for Early War Tour 106
Total Sorties: 1
Total Sortie Time: 00:00:48
My wife nearly divorced me on tour 20-22 when I was pulling 65 hours / month
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My wife nearly divorced me on tour 20-22 when I was pulling 65 hours / month
Only if logging shopping and talking on the phone were that easy.
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I am sorry your relationship is over, I hope that your wife will come to her senses and pull her head out of her uncle and realize that this will not only affect you but your Son as well. Marriage counseling wasn't an option for her? I wish you well in facing some tough times and be strong.
My only advice I can give you is to make your child your priority, no matter what else may be going on between you and your EX, make it a point to let your Son know that you Love him and that you are and always will be his Father in life, let him know that it isn't his fault and it has nothing to do with him. As long as you have that, there is nothing she can take away from you that will matter.
Good Luck.
Many, Many, MANY oppertunities, but no. On the other hand, as I stated in an earlier post, I have seen many, Many, MANY women who have no problem cheating without remorse and have the uncanny ability to blame their infidelity on their husband.
Living in a Navy town, this goes on alot. I have heard many terms used by guys that get involved with woman who's husband deploy for 6-12 months.
Usually there is no harm no foul as long as the service member doesn't find out. But they eventually do.
Military guys that take care of military wives, well we call them "Jody's", they really don't want to get caught since its punishable under the UCMJ for banging a military spouse.
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I never cheated on my ex. To sum up of what Dred said. It takes two. Took me years to understand that for some reason. But one person not willing to work at it is all it takes to fail in a Marriage. I use to think, and I was a bit myopic, that when someone said it takes two that they meant I wasn't trying. What it really means is that it doesn't matter if one person is trying.
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A rough average time of a little over 3 hours a day isn't that bad. Could you have played less? Sure but do you think it would have changed the outcome for the better? I don't think so.
As I said earlier "Move on brother and may you find peace".
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They say marriage adversely affects a woman's libido. That didn't happen with wife #1, just ask anybody.
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They say marriage adversely affects a woman's libido. That didn't happen with wife #1, just ask anybody.
LOL, were we married to the same person, not at the same time of course ;o)
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From 25 years of case files.....remember to protect yourself, don't feel guilty, get good legal representation early on and most importantly...a woman involved in a divorce can be the most evil, nasty,vindictive creature on the face of the planet.
Most of the time they are not the sweet things you fell in love with.
shamus
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Only if logging shopping and talking on the phone were that easy.
And the funny part is that now I'm doing 252 hour work month as opposed to 170 hours back then and she doesn't complain..
Edit: Ugh weeks.. months.. who cares right? :D
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...a woman involved in a divorce can be the most evil, nasty,vindictive creature on the face of the planet.
Especially when it comes to Child Custody,,,,,,
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Okay so check this out. I have realized what has happened and I do not want it to happen to anyone else.
I have one single friend who I hung out with and partied on Friday. I we got home from drinking and dancing and me of course pouting we talked. For a long time we talked.
My friend has been sleeping with a married woman for about 6 months. She told him every reason why she is doing this to her husband. Now her husband is similar to me, had a good job, was great with kids, stayed home, never strayed didn't even really drink... So what was the problem? He was ignoring her. Just going to work is not enough. He asked me how many times I've taken my wife out in the last year. My answer was zero. He pointed out the fact that my hair looks like crap, he pointed out that I've gained weight. He asked if I make her feel like a girl. And of course I said no. I have totally ignored her emotional necessities.
That hit me like a ton of bricks. He was right. My wife is very attractive, smart and has a great personality. She is a catch. I ignored her needs for too long, I sat and played video games while she was upstairs generating more and more animosity.
I've realized my contribution to this and accept responsibility. I only hope she can see how I feel for real and give me another chance.
Wish me luck.
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Are u Kiddin lol.Ill Tell ya what,,I have a wonderful wife that eccepts me playin the game,Im outta her hair ,shes outta ine ,,so ta speak..its Our time time to be what we wanna be as woman have theres,,But people are different,,,good luck man,,Thats is really stupid,,,to go that far in to a split up ,,Like going to chat...I think she needs to re think man,,Good luck...or u explain the game,,there are a few girls here,but there all married..Good luck.It our way of of getting away from the work thing,,Sorry she feels the way she does..GL man <S>
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Ok ,miss read,,If it was because Of AH,That would be different,,Why post stuff about personell stuff unless otherwise,,, 2 sides to every story,,And I dont wanna know,,Talk to your local Paper in Ms Abby
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I have totally ignored her emotional necessities.
That hit me like a ton of bricks. He was right. My wife is very attractive, smart and has a great personality. She is a catch. I ignored her needs for too long, I sat and played video games while she was upstairs generating more and more animosity.
I've realized my contribution to this and accept responsibility. I only hope she can see how I feel for real and give me another chance.
Wish me luck.
:huh you ask for peoples opinions on the forum like you wanted some advice. :huh
I think you wanted people to feel sorry for you :cry
Most everyone has commented to move on live your life with your kid, (real good stuff) and now a buddy and you go out drinking and he convinces you that you are a pile of manure.
Grow a set, move on and don't look back...
Once a cheater always a cheater.... Why mess up the rest of your life when you are given a chance to break free now.
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I feel like there are some things I could've done differently. There are kids involved too.
I appreciate everyones advice. It has really helped me over the past few days.
With this new insight my friend gave me I am going to give it another shot.
I don't live by cliches. We've been married 10 years, I owe it to my kids to give it a whirl.
Thanks.... again. everyone here, even the rude ones.
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right now it is hard to even believe you are telling the truth here infowars... sorry, that just how it seems.
meh
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Lying hardly. Emotionally confused very. My parents are also irritated, they want to nail her to the wall. I guess I am going through cycles and really don't know what to do or how to feel.
That's what sucks about only getting one side of a story. You guys haven't got a history of our relationship nor anything I've done wrong. As with all my friends they support me and hate her. Just as all her friends support her and hate me.
I posted here because I wanted was kinda looking for examples of similar situations and how they ended up. I've got many replies and a lot of help.
You guys have no idea how this board has helped me. Even if I do not choose what everyone else thinks is sound advice I still have been comforted by the responses I have received.
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well if this is all true i do feel for you, i know what love or even desire can do to a person and lies, cheating etc can brew a deadly cocktail....just hope you can find a better place for your head. Mine is pretty screwed up too, and very secure at the same time. One thing i have worked out is the more you actualy understand a woman the more they try and hide. They might want to share themself and you should listen when they do, but god help the man who questions his woman one too many times about something she doesnt want to talk about.
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I feel like there are some things I could've done differently. There are kids involved too.
I appreciate everyones advice. It has really helped me over the past few days.
With this new insight my friend gave me I am going to give it another shot.
I don't live by cliches. We've been married 10 years, I owe it to my kids to give it a whirl.
Thanks.... again. everyone here, even the rude ones.
Two of the most important things you said. Good Luck.
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If you had no kids my advice would be still no. You might think you are strong enough to put the past behind you, but that is rejection and love/desire clouding your mind. Even if you got back together right now, you wouldnt be able to get the image of her and another guy out of your head. Your love life would suffer, you will be in constant arguments at the drop of a hat whenever you cannot block the past out of your head. The chances of totaly recovering from this situation and truly loving each other are next to impossible and could take years to be smoothed out. Speaking from experience and i dont even have a child to think about. It is possible but not without going through hell first..
You owe it to your son to provide a stress free enviroment to grow up in. You do not owe it to your son to salvage a failing marriage that can only be a living hell to reconstruct.
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If you had no kids my advice would be still no. You might think you are strong enough to put the past behind you, but that is rejection and love/desire clouding your mind. Even if you got back together right now, you wouldnt be able to get the image of her and another guy out of your head. Your love life would suffer, you will be in constant arguments at the drop of a hat whenever you cannot block the past out of your head. The chances of totaly recovering from this situation and truly loving each other are next to impossible and could take years to be smoothed out. Speaking from experience and i dont even have a child to think about. It is possible but not without going through hell first..
You owe it to your son to provide a stress free enviroment to grow up in. You do not owe it to your son to salvage a failing marriage that can only be a living hell to reconstruct.
you are right, but LOVE will overcome giving the opportunity, But love must be there, in the first place.
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in my own experience, if she says "no", its "no". I've never been cheated by any GF I've ever had, but if what you say is true, if she's lost the feelings for you (and if she cheats on you repeatedly, that's a big hint she has) it's all over. For good.
Dunno about kids, I have none. But I know about how destructive can be the life of someone who tries to win a lost cause. Or someone who doesn't know when the only option is to let the other person go.
Went through it for two years and a half a (long) time ago, for a girl who left me and I couldn't accept the fact it was over. No cheating involved, she simply did not love me anymore.
I did my best to win her back for the next 30 months. I shed gallons of tears, forgot I had a life on my own, was distracted from my studies, got some 40lbs of extra fat on me, stopped playing sports, stopped going out, lost all my friends (They insisted on me forgetting her and I simply didn't want to hear that chore anymore...I told them to f... off and well, they did. Thankfully they were comprensive some time later ;)) and all the time I was not with her, I simply was closed in my own house, wondering what I was doing wrong and what could I do to make her return with me.
In my case there was no fault involved by any of the two sides. Sometimes it just happens that whatever feeling got you together is lost for either the guy or the girl. She didn't cheat on me, she did care for me a lot (we're great friends up to today) and she didn't want me to suffer. But she also didn't want to go on with a relationship that she simply felt would not work as she didn't love me anymore. Only when I realized that I could do nothing to win her back (when she started dating other guy) and accepted I had to let her go, I moved on. And it turned out it wasn't that hard to do. Took me months (honestly, years) to get completely over it, but I recovered my friends, lost my extra weight, finished my studies and dated new girls. Enjoyed all of it. A lot. And realized that no matter how good she was (And she is a great girl) all the time I spent giving my best to recover her was not worth it. Noone is worth the hell I lived in for that long.
So my advice: let her go. Probably that means a divorce (should mean it but it won't be the first time a married couple doesn't divorce because of kids, but reach a "friendly" agreement between them). Do your best to be with your kids and try to settle a "peaceful" agreement with her that gives you good access to them. Regarding kids I won't say anymore, I don't have any and no experience with them, but people here have given very good advice.
In the end...whatever anyone says, do what you find is best for you and your family. But if you want her back be ware that probably it's already a lost cause. And the fact that you still want to be with her plays against you, The fact that you are ready to forgive her cheating says a lot about you, really, but unfortunately she probably won't feel it that way. Women have some strange instinct that keeps them far away from men they perceive as weak, and forgiving her cheating may be perceived by her not as forgiveness, but as weakness, getting you even farther from her and finishing any (slim) chance you might still have.
But please, if you see it's not going to work, don't insist, don't wait and don't stay for months like I did. Don't lose your mind as I did. In the end you won't have her back anyway and you'll regret all the time you lost (I do)
best wishes, mate.
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Well loose weight and treat her better then, jeez your friend figured it out.
shamus
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I weighed 292 lbs in January 2007. I was coming off of 4 months of unemployment and interviews. On Oct 1st I weighed 275 lbs. I'm now down to about 245 lbs with more weight loss to follow. I'm doing it for myself and nothing else. Is my wife happy? Sure, but we just celebrated our 10th Wedding Anniversary.
My goal is to be around 200 lbs by March. I watch what I eat and drink 1-2 gallons of water a day and severely limit the Carbs intake.
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I was coming off of 4 months of unemployment and interviews
How would I figure this guy would be unemployed. And 4 months lol
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I was coming off of 4 months of unemployment and interviews
How would I figure this guy would be unemployed. And 4 months lol
I need a new pair of pants, you've worn out the ankles. But with an IQ of 75 nurseX, you aren't "witty" or "funny", just the BBS idiot.