Saturday I will learn why i am not to eat remnants of lead based paint chips. Purple eggplant looks like it tastes, but I am still woefully hungry. I think I'll have a cup of orange juice, link sausage with biscuits, and gravy too. That should fill me like a sausage pizza would, yummmm. But what about Friday?
I looked at the calendar, and decided to go fishing. When I got to the lake, it was dry and i was naked so I went sheep hunting. When I caught a sheep, I noticed an odd odor coming from the back of Diablo's Camaro, which was parked in the Walmart parking lot. I thought about calling the police but they might taze me for shopping naked. But then I realized I like being tazed naked. This sent chills up and down my now ferociously firm, engorged and extremely enraged pet chihuahua who eat my bag of dog poo. Then came Nilsen, he was wearing a giant blinking vote for Nilsen sign. So then I asked him, "What are you running for?" He said KING of Norway.
"How will you motivate voters?" "by wearing a yellow Tutu."
"What if the pirates come?"
"I will bathe with them in a tub of lutefisk covered in jam and mayonaise"
I laughed so hard that I didn't notice ships approaching.
And then a Viking appeared. The Viking, oddly enough was wearing a pink thong which looked strangely like the one i saw on VCs girlfriend. I remember her well, she was white, fluffy, and bahh'd when Vanscrew pinched her butt. Then Skuzzy finally arrived and slapped 'em with a rule 34 for not posting pics of a Viking violating sheep.
At that very moment, a thunderous roar eminated from a nearby cave that opened like the gaping sphincter of death out of the ground.
Out steps rpm with a monkey in one hand and a "It's Bush's Fault" sign in the other. He roared "Don't taze me bro!" when he flung the monkey at Skyrocks Rotten, Spoiled, French Banana. Tim the Enchanter mysteriously appears and pwns Skyrock on 200. Skyrock then challenges him to a strip off New Orleans style.
That is when we noticed who had the smallest banana.
Then a presidential candidate appeared amidst a hail of sniper fire; it was Teddy Roosevelt wearing his top hat and with fire in his eye he said "I AM SPARTACUS". Then he grunted and began licking Skyrock’s television because it was dusty. After getting his fill of dust he turned the set on and watched an infomercial on posting rules. "Rules aren't for me", he snickered, “I’m a Canadian after all.” I have a well shorn horse with a bad neck. Her name's Betty, she wears a cowbell. She flies a b17 bomber when she's not text messaging. She's pining for the fjords, around which she eats grass. Unfortunately the grass causes gas and it killed her parrot.
I woke up realizing I just had the strangest dream. 'Twas even stranger than the time when Lord Helmet went looking for sheep on the moons with zoozoo. The sheep became nervous when Hornet whipped out a stereo and played are you my daddy. The new blaring music weapon was a vast improvement over Wrag's singing. But now I dance, on the floor, in true GG Allin fashion on the beach with crabs snapping at dead mens toes. But I digress, I must stop doing these illegal drugs. I started doing drugs after watching "An Inconvenient Truth". After that I saw Lazs Naked. I sold the pics to Guinness. Then I saw Curval Naked. Those two experiences really opened my sinuses. I sneezed again, moving a tectonic plate which caused California to slide into the Pacific Ocean. This caused Rollins to blow a nut and act like a total hero to all that live naked in their parent's basements. Unfortunately the cops arrived after two pineapples showed up holding a naked dance off with few spectators. They were so sad that they hugged each other and collapsed into a spoon position with Donzo in the middle. Donzo didn't like having his penknife so difficult to reach. Tragically, one of the pineapples was hit by a mobile phone tossed from a car by Donzo's Thai ladyboy 'exchange student'. On impact the phone dialed Obama campaign HQ to order some koolaid, out of nowhere Nash appeared with some leather thongs and fat, naked, and drunk.
"What are you doing here?" Jessica Alba said with a wolverine covering her fun parts. Then Kate Beckensale said "Worship my Pharoahs tomb". Handing Reschke an abacus, Shakira bent at her knees smiling. Then Pyro came in grinning with short-shorts on saying "Hands off boys, she's mine!"
Then this soon got ugly because everyone was naked, even cindysue, my 463 pound girlfriend! "It's moving this way!" shouted Blooz as the Mound of Rebound, Charles Barkley, elbowed his face into Skuzzies crotch. Everyone shouted "IN before da fried cheese curds are done!"
Suddenly, the lights went out, michael jacksons laughter filled the area..."oh no cried Hitech!" Everyone then rushed to put on their tinfoil hats so I did too. Everything suddenly became clear as I spied the chemtrails of a horrible fart by AWMac and there was darkness. Chairboy had his gasmask on his crotch, "I'm saving Dale", he screamed. With that Hitech woke up, determined to release Combat Tour in the next two weeks. Realizing he was dreaming, he stopped urinating in bed and starting crapping in a bucket of extra crispy KFC chicken. He then decended into his super secret COAD cave, and donned his Skuzzy-seeking radio head gear. As he flipped the switch the twirling multicolored lights began and a UFO landed nearby. "Houston, the Skuzzinator has landed", blared the loudspeakers.
Meanwhile, back in Montana, Rosie O`Donnell said "I am not a lesbian!" "I'm a man baby, YEAH!!!" This deeply bothered the group of antelope that had assembled. Their shepherd, Mac, tried to make a post, but got Richard Gere's mutilated hamster innards.
Now that the intimate interlude ends as the Flying Monkeys take over my shower racks. Then I remembered I was in a stall, not showering with a hot babe but I nevertheless became aroused and wanted Storch in my pants. I could picture him in his leather liederhosen licking his chops at the prospect of getting his hands on an autographed edition of "Brokeback Mountain".
Meanwhile, back at Neverland Ranch, JB88 was rambling about nothing and hoping that MJ wasn't home. Then, out pops Wacko Jacko. "I can't quit you JB88!" That is when JB88 runs into a closet full of old women who quickly grab their corsets. "WOW what a..." oh never mind says Storch.
Frylock comes along and says," I had the strangest dream", it involved LTARglok's Glock doing a dance on 100B17Gi's naked oil drenched sister. But as it turned out it was VansCrew in drag. They both liked it so much the back of their sheep stood up on end. Lola, Gi's sister, then said "Me love you long time". She obviously was a Vietnamese politician running for American office, with no chance in hell of beating Queen Hilliary in the International Pro Fooseball tournament. Her t-shirt, covered in oil, and stinking of rotten eggs; showed a saggy look only seen on FDB's before now. Little did she know, but incredibly, Skyrock owned her t-shirt.
In shock she grabbed her bazookas and ran for the tall cowboy in the corner who drew his concealed sidearm from his own pants. ShrkBite pulled a Chuck Norris move, slipped and stubbed his vagina. WTF? Was what everyone said. The cowboy fired six rounds owning SkyRock in the process. Man my balls itch where's Madonna when you need her? Suddenly "Like a Virgin" began playing and out popped Madonna. "I've got a rough tongue!" Curiously, Skuzzy nodded in a knowing manner. As he locked this thread, he proclaimed that CBass is an avatar stealing noob that claimed, "I will toss your salad in the parking lot after I finish my chores." Meanwhile the BBS magically reappeared and Jedis began to flood in. Everyone celebrated the return of the font of all knowledge, Impakt, man without peer. Meanwhile Skuzzy, scratching his head with a puzzled expression, tripped over a cord again and the man without peer disappeared. My toe cheese is extra stinky, but tastes great with nachos. A bit like Parmesan cheese, but without all of the usual Wal-Mart brand sawdust taste.
At this point, I only felt a need to confess that TxMom loves a good cheese sandwich, as long as it was prepared by TxDad.
Suddenly, DiabloTX kicked in the kitchen door yelling, "Here's my new magazine cover!" holding several copies of "Outhouse Quarterly" between his knees. His pizza-in-a-cup balanced precariously on what looked like a shorter-than-average member of the Watusi warrior tribe, he proceeded to open a can of hot sex onto an exotic arabic ruminant.
Without warning or cause, the Earth's poles reversed themselves, inflicting immediate and complete devastation upon all of mankind's population centers, structures and networks. Those who survived the initial catastrophe only lived to perish in the now inhospitable environment. When all was said and done, it was only the cockroaches that survived... or so it may have
