Author Topic: Well, my oldest blew it (Read 2407 times)

sgt203 · « **Reply #75 on:** November 22, 2007, 03:21:37 AM »

Rip,

To me it sounds like your on the right path here. Do what you feel is best that is all any parent can do.

I think you have some decent advice offered in this thread but ultimately you know what is the best way to push your son to (for lack of better term) be all that he can be.

Personally I feel middle school is a make or break time for a student as this is where they really begin to learn the habits that will help them through high school. If they fall behind here the rest of the time they are trying to catch up and not excelling.

You sound like a caring and involved parent and as long as you are helping them to reach for the stars your doing your job

Good luck!!

<>

Xargos · « **Reply #76 on:** November 22, 2007, 04:12:45 AM »

If your kid thinks it's not challenging enough to wipe his butt after taking a dump is that any reason to let him get away with not doing it?

LEADPIG · « **Reply #77 on:** November 22, 2007, 07:01:40 AM »

I took that "Where there's a will theres an A" study course and it worked. Tell your son not to study for hours at a time. It turns out the brain remembers the most at the beginning of a study session and at the end of one. Not the stuff in the middle. The solution.... break your study sessions up into 5, 10 or 15 minutes. Take a break for an hour or two. Do it again. I used to wait about an hour. Also review material right after a class for a couple minutes while it's fresh. The result.....Gpa's in the high 3.0's, deans list in college. Academic scholarship rewarded by Navy Rotc. It works. tell him.

Spikes · « **Reply #78 on:** November 22, 2007, 08:09:59 AM »

You did the right thing.

Captain Virgil Hilts · « **Reply #79 on:** November 22, 2007, 09:41:22 AM »

Parenting, the perfect example of "the most important jobs are ALWAYS" the toughest.

It's a really delicate balancing act we seek here. While you don't want to be a heartless task master, and create bitterness, you also don't want to allow a child to believe it is okay to skate by on the least amount of effort yielding minimally acceptable results.

It just ain't easy.

culero · « **Reply #80 on:** November 22, 2007, 09:46:49 AM »

I think that the plan Rip has laid out is perfectly in balance. It will help his son learn to manage himself. In the long run, that's the most valuable thing possible in the context of education, plus its happening while fundamentals are being learned. If the young man is to take control of his own education, these are the building blocks that will allow him to master whatever he eventually chooses to.

Captain Virgil Hilts · « **Reply #81 on:** November 22, 2007, 09:55:53 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by culero
I think that the plan Rip has laid out is perfectly in balance. It will help his son learn to manage himself. In the long run, that's the most valuable thing possible in the context of education, plus its happening while fundamentals are being learned. If the young man is to take control of his own education, these are the building blocks that will allow him to master whatever he eventually chooses to.

I agree. The lessons learned here will pay big dividends later. This will be one of those "the older I get the smarter Dad gets, and the more I appreciate what he taught me" lessons.

culero · « **Reply #82 on:** November 22, 2007, 09:57:19 AM »

As to the aspect of parents harping too much about grades, I don't think that's where Rip is coming from here. I'd guess that as long as his son applies himself and gives a good effort, Rip will be happy. He just doesn't want him to blow it all off. I'd say that's a healthy attitude.

culero · « **Reply #83 on:** November 22, 2007, 09:59:07 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Captain Virgil Hilts
I agree. The lessons learned here will pay big dividends later. This will be one of those "the older I get the smarter Dad gets, and the more I appreciate what he taught me" lessons.

Heh

That dumb SOB that raised me is a farking genius right about now (just like he predicted

)

Ripsnort · « **Reply #84 on:** November 22, 2007, 09:59:46 AM »

Update:
We discussed the "plan" for 30 minutes when I got home from work. He will log into the website after he finishes his homework and give me a status report, everyday, on both the delta of each grade, and a brief status of what he did for homework, as well as what is due the following day. After two weeks, if his grades stay up, he can give status once a week.

Any F's in ANY assignment that is 0 (meaning he didn't turn it in) results in bedroom isolation for 24 hours (with exception of bathroom and dinner time) No Xbox, electronic devices, just his homework folder and books are allowed while in room isolation.

We'll see how this goes...

Captain Virgil Hilts · « **Reply #85 on:** November 22, 2007, 10:01:56 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by culero
As to the aspect of parents harping too much about grades, I don't think that's where Rip is coming from here. I'd guess that as long as his son applies himself and gives a good effort, Rip will be happy. He just doesn't want him to blow it all off. I'd say that's a healthy attitude.

Yeah, I don't think the grade is as much an issue as the lack of effort and responsibility that brought on the grade. And I agree with that.

Ripsnort · « **Reply #86 on:** November 22, 2007, 10:03:06 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by culero
As to the aspect of parents harping too much about grades, I don't think that's where Rip is coming from here. I'd guess that as long as his son applies himself and gives a good effort, Rip will be happy. He just doesn't want him to blow it all off. I'd say that's a healthy attitude.

Spot on. I considered this normal parental behavior (expecting a passing grade) I have no tolerance for procrastination. His other big problem is organization, which we've worked with him for years! He's doing better, his folders are pretty good compared to what they were, so he doesn't have that "I couldn't find the assignment!" excuse anymore...

FYI< I used to have a "A's and B's to play sports" policy, but I realize now that not everyone is good in every subject. So a C or higher needs to be maintained. (Sports are his life, it is devastating to him as a "take-away" so its a good incentive to get good grades...unfortunately football recently ended and bang...the grades drop!)

Captain Virgil Hilts · « **Reply #87 on:** November 22, 2007, 10:03:36 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by culero
Heh

That dumb SOB that raised me is a farking genius right about now (just like he predicted )

Ain't that the truth. And boy do I miss him. He'd have been 79 Sunday.

Captain Virgil Hilts · « **Reply #88 on:** November 22, 2007, 10:09:46 AM »

Quote

Originally posted by Ripsnort
Update:
We discussed the "plan" for 30 minutes when I got home from work. He will log into the website after he finishes his homework and give me a status report, everyday, on both the delta of each grade, and a brief status of what he did for homework, as well as what is due the following day. After two weeks, if his grades stay up, he can give status once a week.

Any F's in ANY assignment that is 0 (meaning he didn't turn it in) results in bedroom isolation for 24 hours (with exception of bathroom and dinner time) No Xbox, electronic devices, just his homework folder and books are allowed while in room isolation.

We'll see how this goes...

I like the plan. I do much the same with my son. He was diagnosed "ADHD"

in the 1st grade. A load of Bravo Sierra. A year and a half of drugs later, he had more problems not less. Everyone's expectations were low, and he lived up to that.

Now we struggle with cleaning up the mess. We have the help of his coaches (track, cross country, and especially archery), missed assignments and poor grades due to lack of effort are not acceptable. I'm not going to brow beat him until he either despises me or gets straight A's. I'm just going to make him learn honest effort is required, and will be required all through life. And soon enough, no one will be there to force him, if he doesn't do for himself, the real world doesn't give a damn, and he'll be trampled under foot.

Ripsnort · « **Reply #89 on:** November 22, 2007, 10:17:18 AM »

Good plan Virgil!

Sounds like we're on the same page.

FYI, we went to a doc last year, he said G might have mild ADD...so we tried drugs for a month. No change. I didn't want to do this because I think being consistent on expectations and repeating it over and over again finally sinks in...but we tried it regardless. No change.

He's better this year than last, and better last year than the year before....

My youngest is a cake walk. Knows whats expected of him, and in most cases we only have to tell him to do something once.

Kids are all different and all require various degrees of "hovering". Too much hovering can ruin a kid. Letting them sink now and then is good for them long term.