Violence against women

[funkedup]

Congrats Santa

[hblair]

I don't think I've known a guy that slapped his woman around. I've never even heard the rumor of anyone I know doing that. Brings me to the story of a relative of mine, he's about 5 years younger than me, we kinda grew up together, partying and dating girls together, etc. He was big time popular at his school and at the age of 12 was dating a 16 yr. old cheerleader (he looked and acted a lot older than he was). He was in love with her. They dated off and on through school, when he graduated they made plans to get married. My wife and I went on dates with them and things didn't seem right. His GF was good looking, etc, came from a good family but seemed immature. It was confirmed on a couple of different occasions. One time us four went to her parents home to watch movies, she was upset about something. Anyway, they dissapeared into the back of the house, and we heard them arguing and it got louder and louder til she was screaming. We went back there, looked in the room, he was on his knees, being calm, and she grabbed a 5lb (or so) dumbell and hit him in the head with it. He fell out. I rushed in the room to see if he was ok, and she starts psycho yelling at ME . I lost my cool and told the Fing squeak to get the F away from me and he tells me he's "OK don't worry about it".
I left that night sick in my gut at the crap he was going through. He was too young for that crap and had no parents (mom and dad were partiers and were both dead by the time he was 18)
They ended up getting married and she abused the piss outa him. I had to bail him outa jail one day for "hitting" her. What really happened was she destroyed some things that belonged to his now deceased mother and he pushed her away. So she called the cops and had him thrown in the can. I never saw one mark on her, I know that she was clearly the agressor. They're divorced now with 2 sweet little girls being raised by their nutcase mom.

The story I tell above is more common than some of you guys want to believe. Thereare as many evil spiteful women as men. It's just more chivalrous of us to think we're saving some innocent dame than it is to try to save a friend from a crazy woman. Most men would be too ashamed to call the police when their woman goes nuts on them. My friend in this story was.

[hblair]

Just to be clear, guys who beat their wives/GF's are losers and oughta be punished.

[Ripsnort]

Originally posted by hblair
Most men would be too ashamed to call the police when their woman goes nuts on them. My friend in this story was.

Same applies for women!

As I pointed out to Fdiron, it can happen to anyone.  Its very easy to mind manipulate by the threat of removing a few bottom bricks of  Maslow's "Hierarchy of needs" pyramid if you are the abuser.

http://www.connect.net/georgen/maslow.htm

[StSanta]

Yeah HBlair, I hear what yer saying. But when you see a nice looking girl getting pulled off a bike, thrown into a brick wall and then hit in the face with a fist, then you get pissed off.

I'm a very peaceful guy. Sure, I had lots of trouble in my teens, but I think that *made* me the very peaceful guy I am today. Even so, when I see toejame like that, I react. I'm also a skinny guy, so that takes people by surprise.

Hortlund: he's been in jail since he was 18. And he's been OUT of jail for a grand total of 2 years ever since. He hasn't murdered anyone as far as I know - it's just armed robberies, bank robberies, grand theft auto and whatnot. He told me that he averages 2-3 months out before he gets another 1-3 year sentence, but he's been out for 4 month now, looking good

[Hortlund]

Originally posted by StSanta
Hortlund: he's been in jail since he was 18. And he's been OUT of jail for a grand total of 2 years ever since. He hasn't murdered anyone as far as I know - it's just armed robberies, bank robberies, grand theft auto and whatnot. He told me that he averages 2-3 months out before he gets another 1-3 year sentence, but he's been out for 4 month now, looking good

LOL oh man that is really sad. Once they have gotten into a pattern like that it is almost impossible to break out of. Usually it takes the tender love of a very special woman. I hope he makes it though.

[Nifty]

Rip, I guess it depends on where your individual brick of "not getting your bellybutton kicked" is in that hierarchy.   Mine is down there with the food, water, oxygen and constant body temperature.  I guess what you're saying is that the people who stay in that abusive relationship/situation have that brick up in the second level.  Or maybe it's because I know that no one person can take away my basic needs.  I can provide those on my own, and in the case that I couldn't, one of my parents or friends would.  I can understand what you're saying though.  If someone felt like they wouldn't be able to meet the basic needs if they left the situation, then they might stay in that situation.  To them, leaving would be worse than staying, i.e. death instead of pain.

(yes, I know there are EXTREME situations where my basic needs could be threatened, e.g. being kidnapped.)

[Ripsnort]

Originally posted by Nifty
 I can understand what you're saying though.  If someone felt like they wouldn't be able to meet the basic needs if they left the situation, then they might stay in that situation.  To them, leaving would be worse than staying, i.e. death instead of pain.

Yep, basic brain washing 101.  Used first on POW's.

[Thrawn]

These are for the US.

Approx. 50% of domestic abuse is initiated mutually.

Approx. 25% of domestic abuse is initiated by the male.

Approx. 25% of domestic abuse is initiated by the female.

This is assuming heterosexual relationship.

Straus/Gelles survey, 1985


There is the almost the exact same amount of domestic abuse in homosexual relationships as in heterosexual relationships.

[Ripsnort]

Originally posted by Thrawn
These are for the US.

Approx. 50% of domestic abuse is initiated mutually.

Approx. 25% of domestic abuse is initiated by the male.

Approx. 25% of domestic abuse is initiated by the female.

This is assuming heterosexual relationship.

Straus/Gelles survey, 1985


There is the almost the exact same amount of domestic abuse in homosexual relationships as in heterosexual relationships.

Yep, and I've had women slap me on the face...though I've NEVER retalitated.  Any man that feels that he must retalitate short of holding the arm to prevent another slap is a popsicle in my book...Want a fight? come here, and leave the girl alone.

[Thrawn]

Originally posted by Ripsnort


Yep, and I've had women slap me on the face...though I've NEVER retalitated.  Any man that feels that he must retalitate short of holding the arm to prevent another slap is a popsicle in my book...Want a fight? come here, and leave the girl alone.

Unfortunately it's this attitude that's partially responsible for so many men being in abusive relationships.

Women have the same will to power as men.  They don't just slap.  They can punch, stab, shoot.  Women who abuse do the same level as damage as a man, break bones, blacken eyes, etc.

See "Violent Marriages: Gender Differences in Levels of Current Violence and Past Abuse,"  Journal of Family Violence 10:2 (1995), 159-175.

[Hortlund]

Originally posted by Thrawn
These are for the US.

Approx. 50% of domestic abuse is initiated mutually.

Approx. 25% of domestic abuse is initiated by the male.

Approx. 25% of domestic abuse is initiated by the female.

This is assuming heterosexual relationship.

Straus/Gelles survey, 1985


There is the almost the exact same amount of domestic abuse in homosexual relationships as in heterosexual relationships.

wtf are you trying to say with those numbers? That 25%-75% of the women who get beaten by their husbands have themselves to blame? Is that what you are aiming at here?

I dont know about the rest of you guys, but there is nothing short of having her pull a knife on me that would make me hit a girl.

[AKSWulfe]

Short answer: They with the wrong person if they getting beaten.
-SW

[Thrawn]

Originally posted by Hortlund


wtf are you trying to say with those numbers? That 25%-75% of the women who get beaten by their husbands have themselves to blame? Is that what you are aiming at here?

I dont know about the rest of you guys, but there is nothing short of having her pull a knife on me that would make me hit a girl.

No.  That's not what I'm saying at all.

I'm saying that 25% of violence in domestic fights, in American homes is started by the woman.  ie.  The woman throws the first punch.

Another 25% of the violence is started by the man.

The remaining 50% is of the violence is started by both parties,

[Hortlund]

So in 50% of the cases, both spouses try to throw the first punch?

I dunno, those statistics sound weird. Be that as it may, I think they only show a very small part of the picture. The interesting statistics would be how many women/men are killed in domestic violence. How many are injured in domestic violence, etc.