Something I've had saved for just such an occasion....
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BBS: BBSCAFE
Date: 05-13-95 (05:25) Number: 19617
From: WARDOG Refer#: NONE
To: ** ALL ** Recvd: NO
Subj: something I dug up Conf: (14) Sev
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Does this sound like Cland to you??

I hope the author of this doesn't mind.
I think it's a classic.
COBRA 2
(click)"AhhhCobraLeaderthisisCobra2..
.CobraLeaderthisisCobra2...Do
youread,
Over."(click)
(click)"AhhhRojCobra2...thisisCobraLe
aderGoAhead."(click)
(click)"CobraLeader,Cobra2...Vis u WAY up ahead ther, at HI alt., safe &
sound and on ur way home. Have damage report,Over."(click)
(click)"AhhhRojCobra2...GoAheadDamage
Report."(click)
(click)"RogerCobraLeader...Cobra 3 & 4 went down in flames over target, no
chutes observed, assumed kiltinakshun,Over."(click)
(click)"AhhhRojCobra2...ur condition?Over."(click)
(click)"RogerCobraLeader...thx 4 askin...Cobra2is low'n slow...
overenematerritory...outaWEP.
..outaAMMO...smokin'...5%oil...10%gas...
flapstuckdown...gearstuckup..
.when I try to gain speed she shakes violently
...when I slow any she stalls...ruddershotaway...eng
inecuttingout...
AhhhcouldIgetsomehepCobraLead
er???Over."(click)
(click)"AhhhRojCobra2...mustconsiders
ituation...hanginthere...
thinkin'boutitOver."(click)
(click)"RogerCobraLeader...windscreen
coveredwithoilnow...engineabl
aze...
solesofboots...sohot,smokin'(cough,hack,kaff)...3..Ki's..onmy6!...
HEP!!."(click)
(click)"AhhhRojCobra2...unnerstan'ugottalittleprobthere...mysituationbadtoo
...only40%gas...downto70%AMMO...gottahangnailthat'sabsolutelykillin'me...
an'mostimportant...I'mlate4HappyHouratDeO.Club...butkeepmeinformedofprogress
(orlackofit)Over(click)." "(click)err...mebbe u shud BAIL???Over."(click)
(click)"DonchathinkIalredytriedtaBAIL???yadumbSonOfABi...err, SIR!...canopy
shotup...won'trelease...can'tbail...TAKIN'HITS,NOW!!!...HAIRONFIRE!!!...
mus'...get...tourniquet...on...leg...aaaaaaaarrrrrghhh...ggrrrrgggggg...unh."
(click)
(click)"So...Lemmegetthisstraight,Cobra2...wotchersayin'is...it'sOKtotake
yerbes'babe,CindyLou...totheO.Clubtonite...an'smashtheglassbottomofyerstein
...?...Over."(click)
(SILENCE)
(click)"Cobra2?...Cobra2?...helloooooooooo?...I hope u know, MISTER, that
failing to return my call is an act of INSUBORDINATION an' when I tell the CO
about this...He gonna hand u yer head on a plate !?!"(click)
(SILENCE)
(click)"Cobra2?..........................dwe
eb."(click)
... That was Zen, This is Tao...