Aces High Bulletin Board
General Forums => The O' Club => Topic started by: mthrockmor on February 22, 2012, 08:09:03 AM
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I have two daughters, 16 and 6. My 16-year old is a good girl, has never been in trouble. She is getting A's and B's in college prep classes. She loves UFC fighting and likes the whole 'tough girl' image.
Last night I learned that she has been smoking weed. I am completely shocked. My wife and I rarely drink alcohol, do not smoke and have never done any type of drugs. This is simply foreign to us.
We kept her home from school today, took her phone and backpack (in case she has something in there.) We agreed we are not going to fly into a rage, she is not getting shipped off to some military school or intervention. Other then trying to be rational in our response, I'm really at a loss as to what to do. My first thought is to get her into some karate, etc classes to help self-esteem, focus her energy into something sort of UFC.
I know, I shouldn't be asking here but asking family will be potentially prejudiced with other factors. And, no one in our extended family has had their child head this direction. I will ask some family members, etc though I am guessing this group could offer a few thoughts.
OK, anything?
Boo
PS Please, if you don't have anything useful to add just skip responding.
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"Tough girls" do "tough" things. Tell her the dangers of it, scare her of the possibilities of smoking (arrested, cancer, diseases, etc etc). If that doesn't work, talk to her with your wife, alone. My parents do the whole "I love you and do what is best for you, so believe me when I say you'll regret this decision later on in life" on myself and 99% of the time it works on me (lol).
So sum it up:
1. Scare her of the dangers of weed
2. Tell her in the calmest, loving voice that you love her and don't want her to do this, and that it'll break your heart if she continues. Maybe even get your wife to cry for you so it seems even more sincere. Your daughter will be put into guilt mode and drop whatever she's doing.
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well not to make light of how your feeling, but your situation is actually a very common one these days. most teens will start to experiment with drugs and alcohol, it has become part of the growing up process.
there are a million things people will tell you to try this or you can do......almost everyone one of them will be wrong. you are the people who know her the best, so you must look at her as the individual that you know her to be. is she strong enough and maturing as a person to be able to understand that everything has its place and that one thing cannot be allowed to interfere with another to maintain a balance in life?
experimentation or even casual use of weed is not harmful nor detrimental to her health. but if it is over used it can be distracting her from her school work and from maintaining a level of personal motivation to achieve the things in life you know she is capable of as a person. use this chance to teach her proper placement of issues of fun over work in her life. there is a time to kick back and enjoy the simple non destructive pleasures of life and then there is a time for putting aside these things and setting yourself to working.
karate is a good way to help her learn discipline and self control.
if you flip out and make demands that she stop and that it is such a horrible thing for her to do you will push her into doing it, and maybe even worse things, even more. don't demand an end to it, use it as a training tool.
additionally you will teach her that you are an understanding and trusting person in whom she can place her faith that you will look out for her without smothering or burying her, allowing her to live without demanding to take the breaths for her......just make sure you maintain the line that you are her parent NOT HER FRIEND!!!! there is a difference......
good luck!
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Talk to her and the answer you will get is "but dad everyone does it". Peer pressure is hard to fight, all teens just want to fit in. That said there is no simple answers, let her know all the bad things that can happen if shes caught and in 2 years she can do what she wants until then YOUR GROUNDED. Good luck.
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So she tried it, or is smoking it regularly? Big difference in how to deal with it then.
Over reacting would be worse then under reacting. Kids are going to test the waters. I remember how my parents handled it the first time I came home from a party a bit 'under the weather'. I was expecting to get blasted. Instead it was a very calm 'we understand that you were going to try things. We just want you to be safe.' That was it. I felt far worse then I would have if they'd blasted me. How could I let these people down like this!
Used that same tactic on my own kids as teenagers. Got much the same result. Once they figured out we had a clue, 'trusted them to make the right choices' and didn't ground them for life, it took away the 'forbidden fruit' part of that. They weren't getting away with anything so what was the point?
Again it's a big difference if she's only tried it a couple times, or if she's a regular user. If it's the latter then the reaction would be different.
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So she tried it, or is smoking it regularly? Big difference in how to deal with it then.
Over reacting would be worse then under reacting. Kids are going to test the waters. I remember how my parents handled it the first time I came home from a party a bit 'under the weather'. I was expecting to get blasted. Instead it was a very calm 'we understand that you were going to try things. We just want you to be safe.' That was it. I felt far worse then I would have if they'd blasted me. How could I let these people down like this!
Used that same tactic on my own kids as teenagers. Got much the same result. Once they figured out we had a clue, 'trusted them to make the right choices' and didn't ground them for life, it took away the 'forbidden fruit' part of that. They weren't getting away with anything so what was the point?
Again it's a big difference if she's only tried it a couple times, or if she's a regular user. If it's the latter then the reaction would be different.
This works!
I also agree with what was posted by another.... you know your child best.
From your post I'd say you've done a good job of parenting to this point and that you'll all get through this in good shape.
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Mthrockmor <S>
Ask her if she's thought about the Consequences of smoking weed...( not many good ones,but plenty of bad...). 1st comes weed, then comes cocaine, then....... :rolleyes:
I agree with Guppy35. I also agree that The "Peer pressure" point is ALWAYS around Kids... (good kids & bad kids).
Maybe she got the :aok from you somehow, but maybe it was unintentional or not very clear to her...
One last thought..... you are NOT her "Best Friend", your are her Parents; Parents who try & guide her on the best ways of succeeding in the future.
Lot's of :huh and :cry and :confused: and :furious with plenty of :lol mixed in.
Best of luck !
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So she tried it, or is smoking it regularly? Big difference in how to deal with it then.
Over reacting would be worse then under reacting. Kids are going to test the waters. I remember how my parents handled it the first time I came home from a party a bit 'under the weather'. I was expecting to get blasted. Instead it was a very calm 'we understand that you were going to try things. We just want you to be safe.' That was it. I felt far worse then I would have if they'd blasted me. How could I let these people down like this!
Used that same tactic on my own kids as teenagers. Got much the same result. Once they figured out we had a clue, 'trusted them to make the right choices' and didn't ground them for life, it took away the 'forbidden fruit' part of that. They weren't getting away with anything so what was the point?
Again it's a big difference if she's only tried it a couple times, or if she's a regular user. If it's the latter then the reaction would be different.
I know this worked on me when I was that age. I think kids want to try drugs and alcohol because of the thrill of doing something "forbidden" and getting away with it. If you fly into a rage, they will just do it out of spite. Like a "hey you cant tell me what to do" kind of thing.
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i'm thinking you're gonna get a very good answer from dicho. he seems to have done a great job with his kid. dicho himself is a great guy too.
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Full disclosure, I say this not as a parent, but as a student of psychology and child development.
Like others have said, it is pretty normal for someone that age to experiment with things like alcohol and marijuana. I think it was smart of you to not over-react. Encourage a frank discussion on drugs and alcohol, why she does it, does she know dangers, does she know how to safely do it. A huge part of someone's choice to participant in drugs is peer influence. I would pay attention to who and how much she hangs out with certain people. That doesn't necessarily mean restricting her from certain people, unless they show continuous negative influence. I would also set very clear lines of consequences if the behavior gets worse, be clear, consistent, and follow though. If grades start dropping, then x. If you fail a test, then x. If chores don't get done, then x. If you ever drive under the influence, then HUGE x. I'm not advocating marijuana's use, but simply telling her 'no' probably won't be successful.
I really hesitated to give my .02 since I am not a parent, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. Never let her forget she is cared for and safe at home.
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My wife and I rarely drink alcohol, do not smoke and have never done any type of drugs. This is simply foreign to us.
tbh if you drink alcohol what is the difference?
My youngest (7) was asking about booze last weekend. I don't drink anymore (probably not for about 7 or 8 years), but do have some spirits left in the cupboard. So I decided to let him have a little taste. I gave him some of my favourite drink to sip - Chartreuse Green - :devil
I think I nailed that query for at least another 10 years.
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dude its just pot. If she's doing good in school and seems normal you shouldn't be worried at all, even maybe encourage it. as long as she has more priorities then spending all her money on weed, it should be fine. So try to get her interested in things you guys could spend time doing together. like shooting guns,flying,driving, or even MMA classes. something that she likes so she wont be blowing money on pot all the time.
trying to warn her of dangers of pot probably inst gonna work. especially after all these studies to where it shows that marijuana is almost (almost) harmless and does more good then bad. such as- in medical marijuana states there is 5% less drunk driving accidents and 2% less suicides. also no deaths have ever been reported from the use of marijuana unlike alcohol and just about every narcotic out there. I'd consider some up to date research on the effects of marijuana before you go saying shes gonna die from it.
I know when I was younger I used it almost daily. before I started smoking I was usually "in the dumps" about little things and wasn't very active or sociable. I didn't notice the effect it had on me but my parents sure did. and when I told them that pot was the reason behind it, they were almost glad I was smoking. as long as I had bigger priorities, they were fine with it.
every person is effected differently by it but I was the type where I would clean the whole house in 2 hours. I'd say I had a positive effect from it.
its up to you, but I don't think you should jump straight to the conclusion that marijuana is the devil and will kill everyone who touches it like most parents do. simply find out why she does and talk to her about it.
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dude its just pot. If she's doing good in school and seems normal you shouldn't be worried at all, even maybe encourage it. as long as she has more priorities then spending all her money on weed, it should be fine. So try to get her interested in things you guys could spend time doing together. like shooting guns,flying,driving, or even MMA classes. something that she likes so she wont be blowing money on pot all the time.
trying to warn her of dangers of pot probably inst gonna work. especially after all these studies to where it shows that marijuana is almost (almost) harmless and does more good then bad. such as- in medical marijuana states there is 5% less drunk driving accidents and 2% less suicides. also no deaths have ever been reported from the use of marijuana unlike alcohol and just about every narcotic out there. I'd consider some up to date research on the effects of marijuana before you go saying shes gonna die from it.
I know when I was younger I used it almost daily. before I started smoking I was usually "in the dumps" about little things and wasn't very active or sociable. I didn't notice the effect it had on me but my parents sure did. and when I told them that pot was the reason behind it, they were almost glad I was smoking. as long as I had bigger priorities, they were fine with it.
every person is effected differently by it but I was the type where I would clean the whole house in 2 hours. I'd say I had a positive effect from it.
its up to you, but I don't think you should jump straight to the conclusion that marijuana is the devil and will kill everyone who touches it like most parents do. simply find out why she does and talk to her about it.
Perhaps he's concerned for her safety.... and the fact she is breaking the law.
There have been folks die from using. They just don't list it like they do alcohol. They also list alcohol related accidents even when it is the person not drinking at fault. Oh yeah... alcohol is also medicinal. That hardly means anything in this conversation.
I'm not saying pots should be legal or illegal..... just that right now it is illegal.
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Perhaps he's concerned for her safety.... and the fact she is breaking the law.
There have been folks die from using. They just don't list it like they do alcohol. They also list alcohol related accidents even when it is the person not drinking at fault. Oh yeah... alcohol is also medicinal. That hardly means anything in this conversation.
I'm not saying pots should be legal or illegal..... just that right now it is illegal.
invalid. not to start a pot vs alcohol battle here but that isnt true. you dont get prescriptions for a bottle of Jack.
the people that have died was because they made dumb decisions while influenced.
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invalid. not to start a pot vs alcohol battle here but that isnt true. you dont get prescriptions for a bottle of Jack.
the people that have died was because they made dumb decisions while influenced.
lol all alcohol does not come in liquor bottles :)
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the people that have died was because they made dumb decisions while influenced.
But that is a real danger of marijuana. Someone who is 16 might not make right the right decision about when or where to use it.
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invalid. not to start a pot vs alcohol battle here but that isnt true. you dont get prescriptions for a bottle of Jack.
the people that have died was because they made dumb decisions while influenced.
To compare marijuana to alcohol is ridiculous.. I don't think the OP would like his 16 year old daughter to be doing either! Personally I feel that short term weed is better for you than alcohol but as far as long term effect go.. well I do know people who have done weed for years and believe me.. they ARE compromised!
Regardless of your opinion on marijuana it doesn't change the situation at hand. Like it has been said it all depends on the situation. If she just tried it once or twice then it's probably not a big deal. All you can do is educate her and let her make her own decision. She is almost an adult after all!
However if she's doing it regularly and is high on a daily basis then maybe now is the time to get her professional help.
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3 years ago when I was busted in school for selling my parents were hard tulips about it. grounded me into the stone age yadda yadda yadda. I had the fire department to look too for advice and keeping focused. I am not a parent, but I would HIGHLY recommend finding a family friend shes close to that she can talk to. You said she likes UFC? enroll her in classes if you can afford it. the biggest thing for her to get her back on track is the find things she enjoys. She is clearly doing well in school, my grades went from A + B to C and flirting with F (no D's at my school :banana:). I wanted to attend college this fall for Paramedic, because my grades slacked for 4 years (7-11) due to the use then the habit of not caring, I was denied attending. the fact I was busted had no reflection on it, I wouldnt be an EMT with that on my record.
anyway, find things she enjoys and help her as much as you can. you can't hold her by the hand anymore, but you need to guide her right now. it is going to be extremely hard for her to say no to smoking or dealing it for a LONG time. and now that she knows she has been cought, she will be more careful then before so you need to watch her more closely too.
best of luck :salute
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Have to agree with Guppy and a few others here.... acknowledge you know about it, run through the good and bad points and offer your trust... I wouldn't go over the top as this could possibly cause her to close off to you about things of this nature and not call or talk to you if she ever needed/wanted assistance...Another question is do you trust her friends? Now I know you can know all of them but just a few close ones...are they people you would trust with your daughter and know they would try to look out for her as you would... this is something to think about in this situation, as today it is pot...tomorrow it could be alcohol.. as you know one to many and you can find yourself in situations without even knowing...Trustworthy friends at this age of experimentation is one of my focal points.....
Although people have different view points on this .. dope IMO does not lead to heavier harder drugs .... It is a social thing and is safer than alcohol with far less health related issues.... this being said it is illegal in most places and carries a damning report for future options because of this....
PS ... you have obviously done well to this point in raising your children ... trust your instinct... you know better than any if this is a bad thing for your daughter.
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Although people have different view points on this .. dope IMO does not lead to heavier harder drugs .... It is a social thing and is safer than alcohol with far less health related issues.... this being said it is illegal in most places and carries a damning report for future options because of this....
I have to agree it's not marijuana that causes someone to move onto harder drugs, it's the people they are with. There are socially responsible people who have smoked marijuana for years and it has had no negative effect on their lives. However, there are those groups who may exhibit more antisocial behavior whose underlying issues may make the transition from marijuana to hard drugs easier.
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lol all alcohol does not come in liquor bottles :)
not all pot comes from the street
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dude its just pot. If she's doing good in school and seems normal you shouldn't be worried at all, even maybe encourage it. as long as she has more priorities then spending all her money on weed, it should be fine. So try to get her interested in things you guys could spend time doing together. like shooting guns,flying,driving, or even MMA classes. something that she likes so she wont be blowing money on pot all the time.
trying to warn her of dangers of pot probably inst gonna work. especially after all these studies to where it shows that marijuana is almost (almost) harmless and does more good then bad. such as- in medical marijuana states there is 5% less drunk driving accidents and 2% less suicides. also no deaths have ever been reported from the use of marijuana unlike alcohol and just about every narcotic out there. I'd consider some up to date research on the effects of marijuana before you go saying shes gonna die from it.
I know when I was younger I used it almost daily. before I started smoking I was usually "in the dumps" about little things and wasn't very active or sociable. I didn't notice the effect it had on me but my parents sure did. and when I told them that pot was the reason behind it, they were almost glad I was smoking. as long as I had bigger priorities, they were fine with it.
every person is effected differently by it but I was the type where I would clean the whole house in 2 hours. I'd say I had a positive effect from it.
its up to you, but I don't think you should jump straight to the conclusion that marijuana is the devil and will kill everyone who touches it like most parents do. simply find out why she does and talk to her about it.
The problem with this is you are in essence justifying his daughter using. Sounds more like you should should have sought some help for depression. Instead you medicated yourself illegally and based on your reaction are suggesting she might benefit from it. Not the place for the legal or not legal bit other then to say right now it's illegal, and as the parent that's also part of the thinking. And if she's using regularly, it would also suggest other issues.
If it's 'she tried it a couple times', then it's not time to raise the roof.
Speaking as a former teenager, and as a parent who raised three, and one who spent 25 years working with teenagers, the balancing act is always keeping the lines of communication open while setting limits too. I never trusted anyone more then my parents, even when they got really stupid when I was a teenager and I knew everything. As a parent, I always worked at keeping the line of communication open, even when part of me wanted to strangle em now and then :) And in the end my kids never stopped talking to my wife or myself about things.
It would be foolish to think your teenagers aren't going to test limits. All you have to do is go back and look at what you did as a kid. As the parent, it's still your job to keep them safe the best you can. That Mthrockmor is looking for ideas and paying attention to his kid, tells me they'll be fine in the end. Too many parents look the other way or abdicate their responsibility. He's not doing that.
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Well, some good advice has been given. I thought about giving my 2 cents. Not as an experienced parent as my kid is only 2 right now, but as a young adult who has been there. First thing I want to tell you is, whatever you do, dont try to manipulate/trick her in any ways. It's an insult to her intelligence and she going to call you on your BS and probably hate you for it, she's a teen after all and we all know THEY know better dont we?. Don't, it's not gonna work and it'll hurt your relationship with her. Speak with her, and tell her you trust her to make the right decisions. No one can make her quit but herself. There is a difference between telling her what you perceive as a problem and trying to impose your way. I know that legally, your still the boss, but at 16 she has a mind of her own. You guided her so far but you dont have the same "power" over her anymore. Dont let it go over you too much, if she's a good girl, she'll get over it eventually, after a few years, when life catch up to her. I did. You'll have to wait and see I'm afraid.
:salute
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From your post I'd say you've done a good job of parenting to this point and that you'll all get through this in good shape.
+1
Mine are a bit young yet (11yrold boy / girl twins) so i cant comment on what to do, but i can sure as heck tell you and your wife are doing a heck of a good job. Good luck, be patient..... I really did my best to "try" my parents patience, and think i turned out pretty good. :aok
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Me personally I would watch over her activities a little more closely, once you start something like that I hear its hard to stop even though they say its non addictive, I've been offered it a few times from friends at school, I don't hesitate to say no every time
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I have two daughters, 16 and 6. My 16-year old is a good girl, has never been in trouble. She is getting A's and B's in college prep classes. She loves UFC fighting and likes the whole 'tough girl' image.
Last night I learned that she has been smoking weed. I am completely shocked. My wife and I rarely drink alcohol, do not smoke and have never done any type of drugs. This is simply foreign to us.
We kept her home from school today, took her phone and backpack (in case she has something in there.) We agreed we are not going to fly into a rage, she is not getting shipped off to some military school or intervention. Other then trying to be rational in our response, I'm really at a loss as to what to do. My first thought is to get her into some karate, etc classes to help self-esteem, focus her energy into something sort of UFC.
I know, I shouldn't be asking here but asking family will be potentially prejudiced with other factors. And, no one in our extended family has had their child head this direction. I will ask some family members, etc though I am guessing this group could offer a few thoughts.
OK, anything?
Boo
PS Please, if you don't have anything useful to add just skip responding.
Pretty much good call. The discipline seems fair... except maybe the staying at home thing, I would of gotten high in High School every day if it got me out of it. :D She is 16, not 18, living in your house, etc., etc..
As for the "substance" itself... well, I'd be lyeing to you if I said the "gateway drug" arguement held no weight, so definetley respond apropriatley as opposed to sweeping under the rug as it could turn into something worse. You have no experience with pot, but do enjoy an occasional drink, so go with what you know as the bar for comparison and responcible recreation (or... I mean... you could start off with lyeing to her about never drinking with friends for "recreation" on the weekends during your young twenties, or that you wouldn't of if you could of... :aok ). As far as facts and opinions on the "substance" (I personaly hate making it sound worse than liquor), I can give you mine on it all day, but best to get your own from reputable and sounds information resources available to you.
I humbley feel it isn't as intoxicating or inebriating as alchohol, and while (like alchohol) one person may be affected by it more than another, it is safer than liquor - BUT... neither of which should a 16-yo be getting "familiar" with.
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IMHO: At 16.... if I may be honest, give yourselves (mom and dad) a pat on the back if she made it this long before being introduced to it by her peers and friends. I was smoking pot (and drinking) with friends about two years before cigarettes, and I got busted with a citation for possesion of tabacoo to "let the cat out of the bag" with my parents before I was 16. But that was me here in LA and in the 90s... which if lets just say it's similar to wherever you live now... be proactive and supportive with her making good decisions, but obviously not enabling. If she's going to recreate, she's going to recreate, and then likely, like most of us, grow older and out of it in time (unless, maybe, do you still call your frat buddies for a kegger every weekend? :confused: ).
What I would concentrate on with her moving forward, besides the predictable sit-down that should happen about us being only mortal but needing to accept responcibility for ourselves and our desires, is who she hangs around with in her free time and as such what she is doing. Activities is one thing... but to be honest, in this day and age, soicial environment (and depending on the state you live in and their own laws/views on marijuana) you could force her into boot camp, AP honors, karate, future women presidents of tomorrow club, and varsity swim team... AND STILL she WILL end up recreating smoking pot with her fellow boot/AP/karate/swim peers because it will be everywhere. The difference is really in her choices in friends and how you nuture those.
IE: I tended to get in trouble with my parents, administrators, and the law when I hungout with my "bad" drinking/smoking friends who also had a bad tendancy to like ditching, sneaking out past curfew. Now, my "good" friends you, as parents, wouldn't notice the difference between unless you really step outside "the box" because we also liked doing those same things too (surprise!)... when over at their house smoking a joint, we'd also be doing homework instead of smoking the joint and then just playing video games or watching TV... and honestly, we'd blaze first with enough time to air out before the parents came home, and yes my grades were better hanging with my "good" friends, but clearly probabley could of been better. Parents would leave one of us the house for the weekend: My "good" friends would have a small only-close-friends BBQ where we'd have a good time drinking and smoking in the backyard, sometimes even until sunrise, without so much as making the neighbor's dog bark. My "bad" friends... well, movies, national media, and some of your college frat parties would cover the evening's goings. (I have a tale to tell you Mr. Parent-of-a-16-yo-daughter of when I was growing up about a party one evening in an upscale-neighborhood *cough* Calabassas *cough* thrown by a 16-yo girl whos parents were out of the country but who gave her permission (an in written notice to the neighbors) to throw a huge BDay party... I think ~ half the entire san fernando valley and the great metropolitin LA basin teenage population were in attendance because she wanted it to "blow up"... and it did, turned into a rioting and looting of the house, of particular epicly-legendary mention was her parent's prized personal wine cellar, 7-8 digit uninsured digits... a bad decision, maybe?)
She'll be just fine so long as her parents keep up the great work!... oh, and let us know when she's finally 18. :cheers:
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Me personally I would watch over her activities a little more closely, once you start something like that I hear its hard to stop even though they say its non addictive, I've been offered it a few times from friends at school, I don't hesitate to say no every time
The straight problem to the equation is 16 =/= 18+ and kids have no buisness with things that are so dangerous.... that being said, kids will be kids, and will think they know better or are stronger than they really are - every known substance on this earth included.
Keep it up Raptor!
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Think your alone? Think your kid is alone? I bet at least 1/2 of the parents who think their kids havnt smoked weed are living in a fantasy world. My experience is "most" will at least have tried it, most of all when they start going to "Parties". Ive watched my kid like a Hawk, know what to look for, and regularly ask him if he has. He says no and I sure hope he is telling the truth cause he'll never get a job smoking weed. Its not 1973 anymore. Your daughter is going to turn 17 soon and if she gets pinched then for it she'll have an arrest number for life on her record she'll have to explain away for the rest of her life. With 100 kids standing in line for every job it might hurt her.
When I was 16 students were passing joints in chemistry class. Its not the end of the world that your kid is useing. I'll give you the same advice I gave my buddy when his daughter, my Goddaughter, got pinched. "Dont push her away, instead, bring her in closer". Dont drive yourself nuts over this. She'll be fine.
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As a parent, I always worked at keeping the line of communication open, even when part of me wanted to strangle em now and then :)
:salute
I never had to deal with issues on pot or alcohol so what Guppy says is about all I have. Squid always knew if he wanted to drink and was only doing it at home I had absolutely no issue with it. There's always booze in the house. He went through a very short phase where he tested his limits and the inevitable night happened when he spent the later hours laughing at the carpet. He may have an occasional drink now and then but he doesn't go on binges just for the heck of it.
Personally I think pot should be legal even though I don't personally like it.
Soooo... If I were you bro my biggest issue would be the fact that it was hidden from me and possibly brought into my house without my permission or discussion prior.
At this point I think communication is really the key.
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I have been contimplating posting on this matter as my daughter is only almost 2, and opinions are like a@#holes everyone has one. I am 29 and never smoked weed, or drank while I was growing up. Still dont do either. Almost everyone I work with smokes weed some even grow it, as far as it goes I dont see how its worse than booze, PERSONALLY. But illegal is illegal and should not be condoned. Cudos to you and your wife for doing a good job with parenting, most of the kids my wifes sister used to hang out with at that age were total losers drunks and stoners, along with a lot of kids I see walking the streets. If my folks would have found out I was smoking weed,boy oh boy the world would have been over. I can only say what I would probably do is to talk to her about the consequences such as jail time and fines and such, probably take phone computer privelages. Then take a look at the friends shes hanging out with. I know from personal experience that you cant make her stop "chillin" with her friends, but my folks always tried to explain to me "where are they going to be in 10 years" lol I heard that a lot. well thats my 2 cents. good luck.
oh yeah there has been some good advice given that I will have to remember
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I think Dan was on the right tack. In addition, let her know that while you don't want her to try alcohol and will be disappointed, that if she does or her ride home does she can call you at any time any place and you'll come and get her without there being any anger or anybody in trouble. That her safety is your biggest concern. Make sure she knows that she can rely on her mom and dad, no repercussions, rather than getting in a vehicle with a driver that is under the influence of anything.
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I cant say what will work but for me personally I have avoided people that do drugs/alcohol. Not saying anything bad about your daughter but they best way for me to avoid it has been to just avoid the people. Or one night I was planning on going to a party but that day at school I found out someone was gonna bring weed. Needless to say I grabbed a RedBox movie on the way home and chilled with my girlfriend that night. So far it has worked for me partially because I stay busy out of school and have never even been offered pot. (BTW that party was busted by the police and 2 kids went to Juvie for intent to sell.)
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As a teen, I can say I (and most teens, it seems) have more respect for, and are more likely to listen to, the people that are calm and rational about things. As opposed to those that fly off the handle.
As has been mentioned before, the guilt trip works pretty well. So does making us feel as though we've disapointed someone we respect. Personally, my woodshop teachers oppinion carries a lot of weight with me. I would much rather be punished than feel as I've disapointed him.
I guess you should just remember that your daughter is growing up, and that part of growing up means making mistakes. If she didn't make that mistake now, odds are she would have made it later (since it wasn't a problem in your house, I'm assuming you wouldn't have done any drug-related talks with her). Best she made it now, then, say, when shes just starting her first real job. It would also do to remember that although shes not an adult yet, shes getting close, and treating her like one would be better than treating her like shes 12.
I know I'm speaking from a possition of inexperiance, but for what its worth, you might try talking about this to anybody she really respects, be it a teacher, church group member, sports coach, or any sort of mentor. Have them talk to her about it, and if she respects their opinion of her, she'll probably feel an unplesant mixture of guilt and self-disapointment.
Thats not to say let them handle it on their own, you're her parents after all, but she'll probably respond better to the "you're a smart kid, you know better than to do something stupid like that" approach from a non-family member she has a lot of respect for that to an ***-chewing, and grounding from you and your wife.
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I think Dan was on the right tack. In addition, let her know that while you don't want her to try alcohol and will be disappointed, that if she does or her ride home does she can call you at any time any place and you'll come and get her without there being any anger or anybody in trouble. That her safety is your biggest concern. Make sure she knows that she can rely on her mom and dad, no repercussions, rather than getting in a vehicle with a driver that is under the influence of anything.
quoted for truth
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Boo,
I cant offer any better advise than Guppy has,Dicho further points to the same thing. Communication is the key! Tell her you love and trust her and whatever she does if she finds herself in a situation where she is getting into a car with an impared driver to please call you first. There will be no lecture,no screaming or yelling just the offer of a safe ride home and we can talk in the mourning.
Afterall the life you save could be mine!
Kids will be kids, as a parent all we can do is point the way and help them on the course.
:salute
I see Karnak beat me to it.......
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I skipped reading the rest of the posts because I didn't want my answer to be swayed or diluted.
How did you find out she was smoking? Was it something you stumbled upon rather innocently, or did it involve scandal and intrigue?
I ask because the circumstances dictate the next move.
If the kid is smoking the occasional J while doing well at life, you should be understanding.
If the kid was caught at school with five pounds of the icky-est sticky, you have a right to be concerned.
Make sure you find out where she gets it first... you know, in case you want to test the waters.
:angel:
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The straight problem to the equation is 16 =/= 18+ and kids have no buisness with things that are so dangerous.... that being said, kids will be kids, and will think they know better or are stronger than they really are - every known substance on this earth included.
Keep it up Raptor!
Thanks haha, never been my ambition to try drugs
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The first thing she needs to understand is that you care about her more than getting her to stop drugs, and that seeing her do weed hurts you. Doing this keeps her from falling into self pity or rebellion, both of which will close off communication. Next, ask her what she wants out of life, and then based on her response, tell her where weed will keep her from achieving those goals (provide proof)- again, the focus is on her and what she wants to do. This gives her long-term motivation to quit without hard feelings, this removing the allure of weed. Always emphasize that you still love her and believe that she can stop, which helps her feel secure and confident in refusing to use weed. Also tell her that if she ever has a problem stopping, then she can always turn to you for help. All these efforts combined make her feel like she can stop, wants to stop, and has support behind her that will only increase if she has trouble. All the while, remain optmistic, cordial, and serious. In terms of UFC, it's a one-two punch of altruistic and self-interested motivation that turns weed from fun into a dangerous waste of time.
-Penguin
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"using"
:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
Wow.
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The first thing she needs to understand is that you care about her more than getting her to stop drugs, and that seeing her do weed hurts you. Doing this keeps her from falling into self pity or rebellion, both of which will close off communication. Next, ask her what she wants out of life, and then based on her response, tell her where weed will keep her from achieving those goals (provide proof)- again, the focus is on her and what she wants to do. This gives her long-term motivation to quit without hard feelings, this removing the allure of weed. Always emphasize that you still love her and believe that she can stop, which helps her feel secure and confident in refusing to use weed. Also tell her that if she ever has a problem stopping, then she can always turn to you for help. All these efforts combined make her feel like she can stop, wants to stop, and has support behind her that will only increase if she has trouble. All the while, remain optmistic, cordial, and serious. In terms of UFC, it's a one-two punch of altruistic and self-interested motivation that turns weed from fun into a dangerous waste of time.
-Penguin
Motivation to quit is only necessary if there is a problem; and if there is a problem, she'd have to believe it is a problem before she would be able to quit. I don't think that is the situation in this case at all. Anyway, I certainly doubt she is addicted to marijuana.
The reason for her smoking is something the parents can discuss with their daughter. I would guess, even if she doesn't know it, is that the marijuana is part of a search for independence. It's all part of growing up, as she is finding her own. The parents should still become involved and help guide, but looking at this as a problem that has to have a solution probably won't get you anywhere.
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Smoke her stuff in front of her and say, "Thanks! when you gettin' more?" :devil
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Motivation to quit is only necessary if there is a problem; and if there is a problem, she'd have to believe it is a problem before she would be able to quit. I don't think that is the situation in this case at all.
The reason for her smoking is something the parents can discuss with their daughter. I would guess, even if she doesn't know it, is that the marijuana is part of a search for independence. It's all part of growing up, as she is finding her own. The parents should still become involved and help guide, but looking at this as a problem that has to have a solution probably won't get you anywhere.
:aok
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Motivation to quit is only necessary if there is a problem; and if there is a problem, she'd have to believe it is a problem before she would be able to quit. I don't think that is the situation in this case at all. Anyway, I certainly doubt she is addicted to marijuana.
The reason for her smoking is something the parents can discuss with their daughter. I would guess, even if she doesn't know it, is that the marijuana is part of a search for independence. It's all part of growing up, as she is finding her own. The parents should still become involved and help guide, but looking at this as a problem that has to have a solution probably won't get you anywhere.
I assumed that it was chronic (no pun intended) use.
-Penguin
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Let her smoke weed on the condition that she has to do it at home. It isn't that big of a deal, if she smokes too much, she's probably gonna eat, sleep, or both. No big deal and its not like she can overdose on it. If you tell her not to, she might quit, she might not, or she might go and smoke the legal stuff (which causes seizures).
IMHO, be glad your daughter smokes pot, cause atleast when she does it with her friends, she'll be too lazy to do anything bad.
Now if you catch her drunk/drinking, lay down the iron fist of parenting and ground her till she's 30. THATS when bad things happen to good people.
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weed leads to worse drugs in my opinion, friend of mine started with weed then he got up to meth and crack by the time he graduated, haven't talked to him since the last time he offered me meth
I was a freshman at the time
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weed leads to worse drugs in my opinion, friend of mine started with weed then he got up to meth and crack by the time he graduated, haven't talked to him since the last time he offered me meth
I was a freshman at the time
Your friend was an idiot.
It had nothing to do with the weed.
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weed leads to worse drugs in my opinion, friend of mine started with weed then he got up to meth and crack by the time he graduated, haven't talked to him since the last time he offered me meth
I was a freshman at the time
I will beg to differ. IMHO, getting caught with weed and going to jail with a bunch of crackheads turns you into a crackhead.
Edit: On that note though, you can go to jail for drinking and be in the same situation as well
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I will beg to differ. IMHO, getting caught with weed and going to jail with a bunch of crackheads turns you into a crackhead.
Is that what happened?
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Is that what happened?
I don't know his friend lol, but that is my best guess. All of the crackheads I know went to jail for something before they started using. BUT, they also have the IQ of a mentally ill goldfish. :lol
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Your friend was an idiot.
It had nothing to do with the weed.
He said he went to bigger and badder things cause weed didn't have the same effect anymore as it did the first while he did it
also the sob was a straight A student, composer of music (weird music) and the guy was a natural artist, however when he started other stuff those hobbies went down the drain and he graduated with a B average
I will beg to differ. IMHO, getting caught with weed and going to jail with a bunch of crackheads turns you into a crackhead.
Edit: On that note though, you can go to jail for drinking and be in the same situation as well
Last I heard he lost his job at mcdonalds a few months ago, haven't heard any updates from his friends and they don't like it when I ask
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He said he went to bigger and badder things cause weed didn't have the same effect anymore as it did the first while he did it
Last I heard he lost his job at mcdonalds a few months ago, haven't heard any updates from his friends and they don't like it when I ask
Well, first of all, weed is a WHOLE different ballpark than coke or meth, you can't even put those 2 in the same category. Coke and Meth are stimulants, while marijuana is a depressant or "downer"
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I don't think it leads to other drugs, but shows a tendency to try other drugs.
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I don't think it leads to other drugs, but shows a tendency to try other drugs.
that's what I meant to say
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Rash would be correct. Also, 1pLUs44 would also be wrong, the "do whatever the hell you want" method would be the wrong approach to this situation.
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Being 15, I'm gonna say be nice about it, but tell them it's not the best idea at the moment.
Pay attention to who she hangs out with, who her friends are, who introduced her to it... Blablabla.
Ask if she actually knows what it'll do to you/what it CAN do to you, and if you know someone who was influenced by it when they were that age, get them to talk to her in a friendly-ish way.
Both of those could have already been mentioned, but the blackberry's browser is too slow, I skipped to the bottom :D
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Smoke her stuff in front of her and say, "Thanks! when you gettin' more?" :devil
This ^^^ combined with below, will certainly make it less fun.
Let her smoke weed on the condition that she has to do it at home. It isn't that big of a deal, if she smokes too much, she's probably gonna eat, sleep, or both. No big deal and its not like she can overdose on it. If you tell her not to, she might quit, she might not, or she might go and smoke the legal stuff (which causes seizures).
IMHO, be glad your daughter smokes pot, cause atleast when she does it with her friends, she'll be too lazy to do anything bad.
Now if you catch her drunk/drinking, lay down the iron fist of parenting and ground her till she's 30. THATS when bad things happen to good people.
After a few weeks of the above, show concern for how the obligatory munchies are affecting her waistline. See if THAT does not change her 16 year old mind about using. :devil
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I live presently in the Netherlands where this stuff is to all intents and purposes legal, yet I get the impression that a greater percentage of Americans smoke the 'urb than Dutch people do. Is it very popular over there?
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Rash would be correct. Also, 1pLUs44 would also be wrong, the "do whatever the hell you want" method would be the wrong approach to this situation.
I'm giving advice due to the fact that I've seen people get caught by their parents, get completely yelled at/severely disciplined, then either a) not quit b) get kicked out or c) all of the above. And I'm sure emotional trouble at home is really what a 16 year old high school girl needs right now, so if she's gonna smoke, let her do it where she can be safe doing it.
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if you see her with a cigarette kick her butt!!!
pot is dull and wastefull for a child. if she has better things in her life that she would rather do (dreams/goals) continue to guide her to them and open the doors for her.
If all she wants to do is smoke weed and hang out; entertain her with the possibilities of being a house wife, or even better a government housed social sapper.
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I live presently in the Netherlands where this stuff is to all intents and purposes legal, yet I get the impression that a greater percentage of Americans smoke the 'urb than Dutch people do. Is it very popular over there?
Yes indeed :aok
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I live presently in the Netherlands where this stuff is to all intents and purposes legal, yet I get the impression that a greater percentage of Americans smoke the 'urb than Dutch people do. Is it very popular over there?
Your impression is probably wrong. First off if you are employed chances are you get drug tested and risk your paycheck smoking it. Kids use it far less then they used to. Its pretty much like any other drug, used mostly by the underclass who arent exactly worried about job openings. But there are many working people who use it as well, just not the ones who get tested. My guess is if its legal in the NetherLands then probably a higher % use it there. Most of all if you dont have drug testing in the workplace.
But there arent many Danish game forums to get impressions from now are there?
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Do you think that Hans Brinker was a pothead?
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You should let her smoke weed if she wants to. If you stop her it will only make her want to do it more and behind your backs. If you just let her get on with it there is a very high chance she will pass through the phase and give up on her own. If she is destined to be an addict, you wont stop her by prohibiting it.
It's no big deal. Let her control her own life for a while and see how she handles it.
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Apparently Dodge only came to the Netherlands after she wrote that story, so it's not very popular over here.
I don't get the impression from this forum, more from the Americans I have met and talked to and so on, but thanks for your comments, perhaps my impression is skewed. I meant no disrespect btw.
It's very funny for me to watch something like your Cops show, and then the European equivalent, the former is like some Hollywood action movie and the latter like going to the checkout after a bit of shopping :lol
I think the drug testing at work is a bit ridiculous myself. I think Bill Hicks segment about God leaving this stuff strewn all over the place by accident was astutely observed.
I think Mechanic also has good advice :salute
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boo, as shocking as it may seem, I honestly don't think it's a huge deal. When I was in school, people of all shapes and sizes did it. While it never interested me, many of my friends who went on to attend schools like Yale, M.I.T. etc did smoke Marijauna. They are now making 6 digits a year. She is just exploring, and trying new things. Nothing to be alarmed about yet.
Take my opinion with a grain of salt though - I have no kids, and don't intend on having any.
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Apparently Dodge only came to the Netherlands after she wrote that story, so it's not very popular over here.
I don't get the impression from this forum, more from the Americans I have met and talked to and so on, but thanks for your comments, perhaps my impression is skewed. I meant no disrespect btw.
It's very funny for me to watch something like your Cops show, and then the European equivalent, the former is like some Hollywood action movie and the latter like going to the checkout after a bit of shopping :lol
I think the drug testing at work is a bit ridiculous myself. I think Bill Hicks segment about God leaving this stuff strewn all over the place by accident was astutely observed.
I think Mechanic also has good advice :salute
I was attempting to make a joke :D
No offense taken, sir :aok
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I really appreciate all of the comments. I've not wanted to add any updates because reading so many different views has really helped. My wife actually jumped on last night and read them as well.
Last night my wife and I took our daughter for a drive to talk about it. The advice of not going balistic was helpful, though a few times my wife and daughter had some points yelled at each other. All and all a great conversation.
She has been smoking it for about a year. How we missed it was easy. Any signs of use or hints that did lead to questions always resulted in her friends fault. Now we know.
Her friends are a mixed bag, many college bound, others not. Some smoke it, most have at some point. She has been smoking it about once a week for the past year, so not an expirement. I agree that it is not going to kill her per se, and in the spirit of open communication acknowledged that many people smoke weed and have very successful lives. The worry with her, her own concern, is that it was masking feelings of insecurity and feeling alone.
She is really popular but doesn't like big crowds. She gets invited to Southern style parties (all Christian girls who are pretty "churchy" in her words) though she doesn't feel comfortable there. She has some underlying issues she wants to address to include her relationship with both my wife and I. My daughter is also concerned that she feels addicted to smoking weed.
The conclussion is she doesn't want to smoke anymore and getting "caught" was more her effort then ours. She is concerned about it being a habit and addicted, which is now my concern. I've always been told that weed is not additive but my daughter does not agree. And the best is she wants to work on her relationship with us. Having two daughters ten years apart my oldest daughter was an only child for ten years and with the new one she has felt ignored and abandoned to some degree. Two issues to sort out.
My wife and her are off to run errands today and sort out next steps. All in all a very big change in our lives, as she is obviously not a little girl anymore in many ways. One fun thing, she likes to do what her Dad does. It would seem she might get her own Aces High account. I'm not sure about that but if she does....I've taken her to about every airshow and museum within 12 hours driving distance her whole life. It would make sense.
Thanks to all of the discussion and suggestions. It was really helpful. This "game" is much more then wasting time BnZ'ing the oblivious noob.
Boo
:salute
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Glad if any of it helped Boo. Sounds like you've got a smart girl there who wants to make things work and is going to make good decisions. Nice work on you and your wife's part, and kudos to your daughter for being open to talking about it and looking for help. :aok
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No, not an Aces High addiction, that's the worst of all, oh the humanity :cry
I'm told weed is not physically addictive mthrockmor, the habitual aspect is like any other habit. I'm sure it will all work out. I respect the way you and your wife have handled this.
VonMessa, I'm pretty sure Hieronymus Bosch was off his face :rofl :aok
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No, not an Aces High addiction, that's the worst of all, oh the humanity :cry
I'm told weed is not physically addictive mthrockmor, the habitual aspect is like any other habit. I'm sure it will all work out. I respect the way you and your wife have handled this.
VonMessa, I'm pretty sure Hieronymus Bosch was off his face :rofl :aok
:rofl
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I really appreciate all of the comments. I've not wanted to add any updates because reading so many different views has really helped. My wife actually jumped on last night and read them as well.
Last night my wife and I took our daughter for a drive to talk about it. The advice of not going balistic was helpful, though a few times my wife and daughter had some points yelled at each other. All and all a great conversation.
She has been smoking it for about a year. How we missed it was easy. Any signs of use or hints that did lead to questions always resulted in her friends fault. Now we know.
Her friends are a mixed bag, many college bound, others not. Some smoke it, most have at some point. She has been smoking it about once a week for the past year, so not an expirement. I agree that it is not going to kill her per se, and in the spirit of open communication acknowledged that many people smoke weed and have very successful lives. The worry with her, her own concern, is that it was masking feelings of insecurity and feeling alone.
She is really popular but doesn't like big crowds. She gets invited to Southern style parties (all Christian girls who are pretty "churchy" in her words) though she doesn't feel comfortable there. She has some underlying issues she wants to address to include her relationship with both my wife and I. My daughter is also concerned that she feels addicted to smoking weed.
The conclussion is she doesn't want to smoke anymore and getting "caught" was more her effort then ours. She is concerned about it being a habit and addicted, which is now my concern. I've always been told that weed is not additive but my daughter does not agree. And the best is she wants to work on her relationship with us. Having two daughters ten years apart my oldest daughter was an only child for ten years and with the new one she has felt ignored and abandoned to some degree. Two issues to sort out.
My wife and her are off to run errands today and sort out next steps. All in all a very big change in our lives, as she is obviously not a little girl anymore in many ways. One fun thing, she likes to do what her Dad does. It would seem she might get her own Aces High account. I'm not sure about that but if she does....I've taken her to about every airshow and museum within 12 hours driving distance her whole life. It would make sense.
Thanks to all of the discussion and suggestions. It was really helpful. This "game" is much more then wasting time BnZ'ing the oblivious noob.
Boo
:salute
I'm happy for ya!! Sounds like your little girl is growing up and the family is strong.
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sounds like youll all be just fine!!!!
weed is not physically addictive, but you can develope a mild mental addiction, a longing or a want of it from habitual use that is all just in your head. it takes approximately 21 days to make or break a mental habit, she may be a little crankier or more emotional, but after that time she will be fine.
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She is concerned about it being a habit and addicted, which is now my concern. I've always been told that weed is not additive but my daughter does not agree. And the best is she wants to work on her relationship with us.
It isn't chemically addictive, but any behavior repeated often enough can become habitually addictive. That isn't to say it doesn't have side effects, but chemical addiction isn't one of them.
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It isn't chemically addictive, but any behavior repeated often enough can become habitually addictive. That isn't to say it doesn't have side effects, but chemical addiction isn't one of them.
Can caffeine have the same effect? I feel like sometimes if I dont have some I get antsy or my tongue starts to tingle for a coke or some coffee.
Sorry for the off topic post.
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Can caffeine have the same effect? I feel like sometimes if I dont have some I get antsy or my tongue starts to tingle for a coke or some coffee.
Sorry for the off topic post.
Actually, you can become physically addicted to caffeine, I know I am. If I haven't had one by 3-4 in the afternoon, I start getting a headache. But, people also become psychologically addicted to the habitual routine of having a cup of coffee in the morning and you can feel off if you don't have one.
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Actually, you can become physically addicted to caffeine, I know I am. If I haven't had one by 3-4 in the afternoon, I start getting a headache. But, people also become psychologically addicted to the habitual routine of having a cup of coffee in the morning and you can feel off if you don't have one.
Thank you!
I normally drink a soda when i get home at 2:30 ish and if I dont then I start to have a headache or just that tingle on your tongue when you think about it so I probably am addicted but oh well. :o
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Smoke her stuff in front of her and say, "Thanks! when you gettin' more?" :devil
He asked what HE should do, not what WE would do. :aok
weed leads to worse drugs in my opinion, friend of mine started with weed then he got up to meth and crack by the time he graduated, haven't talked to him since the last time he offered me meth
I was a freshman at the time
My humble personal opinion: meth is the worst drug on the face of this earth. I've had friends come back from bad heroin and cocaine addictions (most with help) but never Meth, it destroyed them.
It isn't chemically addictive, but any behavior repeated often enough can become habitually addictive. That isn't to say it doesn't have side effects, but chemical addiction isn't one of them.
This. It can become a bad habit/behavior like most "enjoyable" things taken too much. Maybe the most relatable example for you and the wifey is the morning cup of coffee (yeah, I know, hope it hasn't been overplayed to your ears on this matter, yet. But bear with me please.)... I'm serious, look at your behaviours related every morning around it (or in other cases, the excuses you're creating for your own behaviors or demanded sustenance when in lack of). Good behavior and responsible use you'll take one every morning and get by. Take too much of it, or take none at all after being used to it for so long... and well, I wouldn't want to cross your path in the morning, likely. I'm sure you got the will power and mental integrity to never drink another cup of coffee for the rest of your life... but because of the habit and dependence on it that you've built over so long, why would we want to subject yourself (and ourselves) to such displeasantries?... will every morning without coffee now for your lifetime be viewed by you now as a displeasantry?... see what I'm saying now? A bad and arguably unnecessary dependency....
You're wife is right to be concerned if overindulgences or bad habits are being suspected of forming.... if your daughter knows better though and is disciplined enough (in particular, lets hypothesis that she's also disciplined/smart enough to wait another two-years until she's responsible for herself and her own actions) I think she'll be just fine. :aok
Pot, in a nutshell, makes most people comfy and depressed. It's a downer. For a young teenager, like your daughter, if she starts to slip and isn't disciplined enough to catch it and keep her priorities and responsibilities in place, she will keep slipping and "the struggle to achieve" and overcome that additionally introduced depression will be nothing but a burden for her that she won't need.
She'll be good if she knows that smoking pot on an already bad day will most likely not make it any better and do nothing to resolve a situation or problem, then she will be be less likely to keep smoking more and increasing her depressed mood level and, in essence, make a bad day worse. She'll be good if she knows that spending money on pot when you barely have enough money to spend on food won't make you less hungry. As simple and basic sensed as those concepts may seem to us adults, with teenagers you never can be too sure.... 16 =/= 18+.
Edit: Spellchecker is your friend.
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But, people also become psychologically addicted to the habitual routine of having a cup of coffee in the morning and you can feel off if you don't have one.
I think that right there explains all the 'addiction' to marijuana.
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Caffeine can be physically addictive, as a contrast. The reason for your headache Jayhawk is that Caffeine dilates blood vessels (amongst other things), so when you suddenly reduce your intake the blood pressure in your head raises slightly and you feel like your head is one of bells from Notre Dame :rolleyes:
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No, not an Aces High addiction, that's the worst of all, oh the humanity :cry
I'm told weed is not physically addictive mthrockmor, the habitual aspect is like any other habit. I'm sure it will all work out. I respect the way you and your wife have handled this.
VonMessa, I'm pretty sure Hieronymus Bosch was off his face :rofl :aok
I am pretty sure that a video game addiction and a weed addiction are of the same. They are habitual and take mental overcoming.
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:lol I'm not really addicted to AH, I just like it as a hobby. Can you be addicted to a computer game in fact? I'll have to think about that.
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You can. I'm battling it right now, along with a host of other issues that turn 20:00 to 06:00 into a freak-show that leaves me questioning my sanity almost nightly. You'd be surprised how dangerous the world is for a developing brain. Worse still, the smarter you are, the worse your problems (e.g., a good imagination creates nightmares with Pixar-quality graphics and full physics).
-Penguin
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You can. I'm battling it right now, along with a host of other issues that turn 20:00 to 06:00 into a freak-show that leaves me questioning my sanity almost nightly. You'd be surprised how dangerous the world is for a developing brain. Worse still, the smarter you are, the worse your problems (e.g., a good imagination creates nightmares with Pixar-quality graphics and full physics).
-Penguin
:) Awww, I shouldn't worry. I think you are sane within reasonable tolerances. Your imagination will serve you well in later life. Consider life is like floating along in a very big wide river, once you learn to stop thrashing around and trying to swim against the flow you can start to enjoy the journey. Take your time :salute
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Oh I'm in no hurry. If it takes a decade, then so be it.
-Penguin
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I gotta say some of the comments on buddly was quite funny to read....."Dangerous" "death" "addiction" are absolutely side splitting....
seriously think about this, the government has it (pot) classified the same as heroin.....so when someone tries pot and finds it absolutely harmless (which it is) and absolutely imposable to OD from, then thinks well if pot and heroin are listed the same classification and danger level, well lets try some H.......in that sense it may be a gateway drug...... but seriously who really believes heroin and pot are the same :rolleyes:
I have two daughters in the same age bracket 15-14 both of them have smoked with me, I was the first they smoked with...now they have zero interest in it, yes they did grow up around it,(not directly but I didn't hide it and lie and say I don't smoke) I hide nothing from my kids and if a situation arose that was something they shouldn't know, I would tell them when they were old enough to understand.
pot has many benefits....
besides the fact NO ONE has the right to tell us what we can or can not put in OUR own bodies. :mad:
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I have 3 daughters, all grown now (youngest is 20). I would say in this situation whatever you do,
don't over react. Don't build resentment. Have a discussion, not a lecture. One thing kids hate, is being lectured.
Let your daughter know that you are not happy with the choice she made, but understand that no matter
what you say, if you put her on the defensive from the get go, conversation at that point is fruitless.
Yelling, or throwing a fit will only blow situation up further.
Remember that your baby is growing up, learning by choices SHE makes, and is trying to find out who she is.
My girls all went through different phases (as all do). I found that for most of the phases, they will grow out of them
in a short time, if left to. When you harrass your kids about something, it only pushes them to get under your skin further.
:cheers: Oz
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I gotta say some of the comments on buddly was quite funny to read....."Dangerous" "death" "addiction" are absolutely side splitting....
seriously think about this, the government has it (pot) classified the same as heroin.....so when someone tries pot and finds it absolutely harmless (which it is) and absolutely imposable to OD from, then thinks well if pot and heroin are listed the same classification and danger level, well lets try some H.......in that sense it may be a gateway drug...... but seriously who really believes heroin and pot are the same :rolleyes:
I have two daughters in the same age bracket 15-14 both of them have smoked with me, I was the first they smoked with...now they have zero interest in it, yes they did grow up around it,(not directly but I didn't hide it and lie and say I don't smoke) I hide nothing from my kids and if a situation arose that was something they shouldn't know, I would tell them when they were old enough to understand.
pot has many benefits....
besides the fact NO ONE has the right to tell us what we can or can not put in OUR own bodies. :mad:
Smoking pot itself is as dangerous as smoking grass clippings, give or take a chemical. It also gives at least some users hallucinations, which, coupled with a low danger compared to other hallucinogens, such as heroin, makes it an attractive option for first time users. However, dealers are in the business of pushing more drugs, so if the marijuana isn't doing it for the user, then the dealer may push for him/her to use harder drugs. Finally, those who use marijuana may be self-medicating in order to escape reality, and while adults can recover from such hiatuses, children need to learn how to deal with their problems. For example, stoning your way through middle school because you got bullied will leave you with retarded social development. Needless to say, any intoxicant will leave the user at risk of self-harm.
-Penguin
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could ask her this. You were fine living life without it before, right? So why create a need or desire for a substance you were fine without?
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could ask her this. You were fine living life without it before, right? So why create a need or desire for a substance you were fine without?
I think we have this on the right track but much work to do in the months to come. To your point though, we have noticed over the last year she has constantly been grumpy. By her own admission she is always mad and doesn't know why. Very moody, quick to snap at everyone, everything seems to piss her off, etc. I've passed it off as simply the hormones of a 16-year old but now...and she has been so much happier over the last two days. The happiness right now is mostly relief of being caught and getting that discussion out. We all think the pot made her moody.
This has been a massive learning curve, more to come!
Boo
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It sounds like this couldn't have worked out any better. It's awesome that she can talk you guys in an open and honest way.
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Remember that dependence can be emotional, too. The pot may have been covering other issues. Tread carefully, and remember that there will be plenty of things that will trigger her to think about pot, so keep the pressure for a few weeks on even after it looks like you've won.
-Penguin
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Remember that dependence can be emotional, too. The pot may have been covering other issues. Tread carefully, and remember that there will be plenty of things that will trigger her to think about pot, so keep the pressure for a few weeks on even after it looks like you've won.
-Penguin
This come from your years of experience?
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Yes, in both cases it applies to my current internet addiction.
-Penguin
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<post deleted>
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We agreed we are not going to fly into a rage, she is not getting shipped off to some military school or intervention. Other then trying to be rational in our response, I'm really at a loss as to what to do. My first thought is to get her into some karate, etc classes to help self-esteem, focus her energy into something sort of UFC.
sounds like you started off the right way with being rational and not going crazy :aok
I won't tell anyone how to be a parent as I don't have much practice at it myself yet
I will just say this
Although I don't smoke anymore, from age 16-28 I smoked weed every single day. I don't drink, have never liked the affect, but weed has always been my way to relax and take off some of the pressure from a stressful world.
I have always had a good job. I have never been arrested. I do sports and have had an active life outside of being a stoner ;) I have always had a girlfriend, and now have a family of my own. What I'm trying to say, is smoking weed doesn't automatically mean someone is a screwup, a failure, etc.
IT'S LIKE ANY OTHER DRUG - alcohol and cigarettes included. It can be misused, it can be bad if you get overly dependent on it. It is a FACT that it is a much less harmful drug to both the body, and to society, than alcohol.
Your daughter is growing up. She might have decided she didn't like weed on her own, given time. Don't read too much into it and start thinking she has low self-esteem or something. It's normal teenage behaviour tbh.
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Chemical Dependence is a lot more powerful than emotional dependence.
If you're curious how powerful, look 'Krokodil' up. It's the new cheap Opiate that's taking Russia by storm as a cheaper alternative to heroin. And keep in mind the number of people here who have managed to get themselves addicted to prescription pain medication.
This person chose this happening to them, over going through the pain of opiate withdrawal.
(http://www.winextra.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/krokodil-575x460.jpg)
That's gruesome, but how did that have anything to do with what I said? I was merely pointing out that relapse is quite the comeback kid; however, I agree with you that chemical dependence is far stronger. In addition, how did that picture happen?
-Penguin
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Oh I was just talking in terms of people and chemicals, not you specifically. Emotional dependence can be extremely powerful as well.
Chemical dependence is impossible to explain without taking up smoking or a similar habit. That was the best way I've seen to explain it second hand.
It happens because what they're calling Krokodil is very corrosive. The articles I read all said that most users are dead within a year.
You can youtube it too, but I'd do it with the volume off. The screaming and crying made it a bit too sad for me to handle.
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Smoking pot itself is as dangerous as smoking grass clippings, give or take a chemical. It also gives at least some users hallucinations, which, coupled with a low danger compared to other hallucinogens, such as heroin, makes it an attractive option for first time users. However, dealers are in the business of pushing more drugs, so if the marijuana isn't doing it for the user, then the dealer may push for him/her to use harder drugs. Finally, those who use marijuana may be self-medicating in order to escape reality, and while adults can recover from such hiatuses, children need to learn how to deal with their problems. For example, stoning your way through middle school because you got bullied will leave you with retarded social development. Needless to say, any intoxicant will leave the user at risk of self-harm.
-Penguin
no one in the history of marijuana use ever got Hallucinations from it....anybody who says that is an imbecile....no matter what the paper on the wall says.
trust me on this, young on....there is nothing like experience...and I have a feeling I have a bit more experience with pot then just about everyone on these boards................ combined........ :aok
I am 42 started pot at 9.......at one point when I was making huge money I went through an oz a day.... :eek: (I was making about 700 a day tattooing so the expense was nothing)
honestly I love pot.....if not for that I would have zero sleep with out viscous nightmares of my family being killed.....I get major paranoia and believe it or not pot quells that, anxiety goes away.....
pot is Gods greatest gift to man :aok
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no one in the history of marijuana use ever got Hallucinations from it....anybody who says that is an imbecile....no matter what the paper on the wall says.
More likely a Liar.
+1
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More likely a Liar.
+1
that to :lol
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... or there's more to it. Only person I personaly know of was a friend in high school that didn't smoke because when she was ~9 one of her teenaged cousins spiked her drink at a family party with acid (by the time we first knew her in HS her custody had long been awarded to her grandparents by the state, and I never asked for the full story so whoknows), and pot would cause her to relapse into a bad trip (she probabley didn't try pot more than once or twice and she still had nothing personal against it, but still, can't blame her for never wanting to try again given circumstances).
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... or there's more to it. Only person I personaly know of was a friend in high school that didn't smoke because when she was ~9 one of her teenaged cousins spiked her drink at a family party with acid (by the time we first knew her in HS her custody had long been awarded to her grandparents by the state, and I never asked for the full story so whoknows), and pot would cause her to relapse into a bad trip (she probabley didn't try pot more than once or twice and she still had nothing personal against it, but still, can't blame her for never wanting to try again given circumstances).
getting a hit of sid and not knowing....especially being so young......not a good thing.
I personally hate chemicals....I am an all natural type guy...... :D
that's not to say I haven't tried chems cuz I have, just never liked them or let myself get hooked.
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no one in the history of marijuana use ever got Hallucinations from it....anybody who says that is an imbecile....no matter what the paper on the wall says.
trust me on this, young on....there is nothing like experience...and I have a feeling I have a bit more experience with pot then just about everyone on these boards................ combined........ :aok
I am 42 started pot at 9.......at one point when I was making huge money I went through an oz a day.... :eek: (I was making about 700 a day tattooing so the expense was nothing)
honestly I love pot.....if not for that I would have zero sleep with out viscous nightmares of my family being killed.....I get major paranoia and believe it or not pot quells that, anxiety goes away.....
pot is Gods greatest gift to man :aok
My bad on the hallucinations part- I've debated a kid about magic mushrooms recently. It must have been a Freudian slip. If you have paranoia, then psychotherapy and real medicine will help more than just shotgun blasting chemicals into your body. Marijuana is quite a cocktail- hundreds of chemicals, and due to the lack of regulation, who knows how much is the drug itself and how much is filler. Then there's the negative long term impact of lost memories of time spent high due to its deleterious effects on memory formation. Add in the other side effects and the risk of arrest and you've got yourself a ticking timebomb.
Physicians are man's greatest gift to himself.
-Penguin
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My bad on the hallucinations part- I've debated a kid about magic mushrooms recently. It must have been a Freudian slip. If you have paranoia, then psychotherapy and real medicine will help more than just shotgun blasting chemicals into your body. Marijuana is quite a cocktail- hundreds of chemicals, and due to the lack of regulation, who knows how much is the drug itself and how much is filler. Then there's the negative long term impact of lost memories of time spent high due to its deleterious effects on memory formation. Add in the other side effects and the risk of arrest and you've got yourself a ticking timebomb.
Physicians are man's greatest gift to himself.
-Penguin
I don't believe it was a Freudian slip, I just think you don't understand. Please name the "hundreds of chemicals" in Marijuana, and someone a synthetic chemical is that much better.
Step back in line, I don't think you have the experience to be any kind of expert on the stuff. I kind of hope ink rips you a new one.
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I don't believe it was a Freudian slip, I just think you don't understand. Please name the "hundreds of chemicals" in Marijuana, and someone a synthetic chemical is that much better.
Step back in line, I don't think you have the experience to be any kind of expert on the stuff. I kind of hope ink rips you a new one.
The entire debate was about hallucinations and ended only a few hours before I logged in. It's as best a slip as one can imagine. Do you really want a list of all the products that partially burning complex organic compounds give off? Ok, but man, it's gonna be a long, long list.
Read it and weep http://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=636 (http://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=636) according to this scholarly article, marijuana smoke contains "30 to 70 percent more carcinogens than tobacco smoke," which already sports quite an impressive number. I'd say that's a start, in addition to the 300 other chemicals in marijuana smoke (see article). Let Ink come- I'm ready to debate.
-Penguin
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The entire debate was about hallucinations and ended only a few hours before I logged in. It's as best a slip as one can imagine. Do you really want a list of all the products that partially burning complex organic compounds give off? Ok, but man, it's gonna be a long, long list.
Read it and weep http://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=636 (http://medicalmarijuana.procon.org/view.answers.php?questionID=636) according to this scholarly article, marijuana smoke contains "30 to 70 percent more carcinogens than tobacco smoke," which already sports quite an impressive number. I'd say that's a start, in addition to the 300 other chemicals in marijuana smoke (see article). Let Ink come- I'm ready to debate.
-Penguin
Oh those chemicals. :rolleyes:
-Amino Acids
-Proteins
-Enzymes
-Sugars
-Fatty Acids
1) I still don't know how you can make a Freudian slip while typing. Mistyping an entire sentence and not realizing it.
2) I'm not trying to make the claim that Marijuana is a miracle substance, there are pros and cons with ANY substance you put in your body, including prescription drugs. It's up to the individual to weigh those options. Did you ever consider that someone might choose marijuana over prescription drugs? It is not your place to decide what is best for the individual.
3) There really isn't a ton of research on Marijuana due to the restrictive laws surrounding it. So although there is some information, there is still a lot we don't know about long-term use.
NOTE: Sorry mthrockmor for taking part in hijacking this thread.
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Sure didn't seem like Boo asked if we thought marijuana was good or bad. Seemed like he was looking for advice on parenting his kid.
Nice work gents on the hijack. Seems like you could have started another thread and left this one alone?
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Sure didn't seem like Boo asked if we thought marijuana was good or bad. Seemed like he was looking for advice on parenting his kid.
Nice work gents on the hijack. Seems like you could have started another thread and left this one alone?
Excuse them, but when an expert troll/idiot comes into these threads, it's almost impossible to not bite the bait.
As to the original topic, i don't believe you should worry too much. However, if her grades slip, or if any type of issues start, put down your boot. Don't worry about the Marijuana, unless you've got a serious paranoia that it will cause problems, just relax. It's not the Marijuana that causes issues, it's the people influencing her (and sometimes that's not true; sometimes).
EDIT: When i say "and sometimes that's not true", I'm talking about the people she hangs out with. They can be a good influence, but like i stated above; sometimes.
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Perhaps he's concerned for her safety.... and the fact she is breaking the law.
There have been folks die from using. They just don't list it like they do alcohol. They also list alcohol related accidents even when it is the person not drinking at fault. Oh yeah... alcohol is also medicinal. That hardly means anything in this conversation.
I'm not saying pots should be legal or illegal..... just that right now it is illegal.
Nobody has ever ODed from smoking pot.
As far as breaking the law. That will never act as a deterrent. It only barely works with adults. But particularly with teenagers
I never bought into the gateway drug theory. I've known people who have smoked and never did anything else. and people who drank and never did anything else. And I've known heroine addicts who never smoked or drank anything. And people in between.
That out of the way. As someone else said.
You know your kids. And over reacting will probably cause them to pull away. they way I've handled it with my kids is by being completely open with them about my past. Yea. I've done some stuff. Mostly cause everyone else was doing it and I was getting it free. fortunately I got bored with it pretty early on. But alot of my friends didnt. And fully half of those I grew up with are dead because of drugs or alcohol or incidents related to them.
As my son got and my daughter is getting older I tell them all these great stories I have. Great times. fun parties. and all the stuff I've done. and the good times we had. And then mention how this one is dead from this. That one died from that. And how but for decisions made by me at certain points in time. I could have been just like them. And how in hindsight I probably wouldnt do most of these things all over again.
I tell them about after the initial rush you get from cocain. How pointless of a high it is as you spend the rest of the night doing it but can never quite capture that initial rush. and how in the end I would just end up feeling wired out with someone talking ot me and thinking but not saying "Oh would you please just shut the F up already."
How your face and jaw aches after doing crank, or acid and you feel like cr@p for the next couple of days
How much more interesting it is to go to a party and just have a couple of beers and not get totally trashed. but to watch everyone else get trashed and being able to use that to your advantage to manipulate them into providing entertainment for you. Or just watching how much like complete idiots people act like when drunk and ask yourself. Do I really want to act like that?
And I've told each exactly how my friends have died. How my very best friend got drunk and decided to stumble across a highway and in front of a moving car and ended up comming through the windsheild and getting the top of his head sheered off. And his body mangled so badly he had a closed casket funeral. Or how another OD'ed shooting up coke. Or how one while in search of heroine got himself beat up so badly that his brother found him dead in his apt 2 days later from a ruptured spleen.
Or another after taking a combination of Quaaludes and vodka. Went home and hanged himself.
How none of these people were the scumbags you see in TV
All good people who would give a complete stranger the shirt off their backs if they were in need of one.
And I end each story telling them that I'm not stupid or naive enough to assume that they will never ever try anything. And that while I cant condone it. Just stay away from the chemicals. I mention how the chemicals we did then are nothing when compared to whats out there now.
but in all my cases it was the chemicals or heavy consumption of alcohol that did them in.
And while I cant give them permission. I'd rather know what they are doing then be surprised by a knock on the door or a phone call.
I backed this up by in one incident I walked into his room unnanounced and spotting one of his friends real quick trying ot put something into his pocket. "Let see it" I said. His friend was white as a ghost" what? noting I dont have anything" Again I said "Lets see it." To which my son sais. "you might as well give it to him. He's going to get it from you one way or the other anyway.
It was a small bag of pot he handed over. I opened the bag, smelled it and said "How much they ripping you off for this stuff these days?"
He said something like $40 for 1/8 oz. I shook my head and said "Back in my day you could buy and entire ouce for that much" and handed it back to him.
"Be careful with that and dont pull it out around your sister. And just stay away from the chemicals"
I didnt tell my wife. I knew she would just freak out as she normally would. End result. Both he and his friends were very open with me about their activities and would only tell my wife the bare necessities. By my not freaking and taking it away. I earned some cred. Which meant they were more willing to tell me the dirty details about things they normally wouldnt.
So far my son now 23 I know has smoked some pot. But claims he took my words about the chemicals to heart and never tried anything else. Now he doesnt do anything. Other then some occasional drinking. But even that isnt all that often and he and his friends are I must say pretty damned responsible about having a designated driver. I know on more then one occasion he he been driven home or has driven others home.
Doesnt smoke pot at all anymore. Like me he got bored with it and prefers to have a clear head.
My daughter. Now 15. Hates the taste of any kind of alcohol. And thinks any drug use at all is stupid. So so far soo good. She's gone a full 2 years farther then I did we my friends and I started.
We shall see.
Parenting is tough. Nobody can train you on how to deal with your kids. All I have done is look at how other people dealt with their kids. Saw what seemed to work and what didnt and developed my own method from there based on how my kids are.
Now whats worked for me might not work for others. Different kids. You know them better then anyone.
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Nobody has ever ODed from smoking pot.
As far as breaking the law. That will never act as a deterrent. It only barely works with adults. But particularly with teenagers
I never bought into the gateway drug theory. I've known people who have smoked and never did anything else. and people who drank and never did anything else. And I've known heroine addicts who never smoked or drank anything. And people in between.
That out of the way. As someone else said.
You know your kids. And over reacting will probably cause them to pull away. they way I've handled it with my kids is by being completely open with them about my past. Yea. I've done some stuff. Mostly cause everyone else was doing it and I was getting it free. fortunately I got bored with it pretty early on. But alot of my friends didnt. And fully half of those I grew up with are dead because of drugs or alcohol or incidents related to them.
As my son got and my daughter is getting older I tell them all these great stories I have. Great times. fun parties. and all the stuff I've done. and the good times we had. And then mention how this one is dead from this. That one died from that. And how but for decisions made by me at certain points in time. I could have been just like them. And how in hindsight I probably wouldnt do most of these things all over again.
I tell them about after the initial rush you get from cocain. How pointless of a high it is as you spend the rest of the night doing it but can never quite capture that initial rush. and how in the end I would just end up feeling wired out with someone talking ot me and thinking but not saying "Oh would you please just shut the F up already."
How your face and jaw aches after doing crank, or acid and you feel like cr@p for the next couple of days
How much more interesting it is to go to a party and just have a couple of beers and not get totally trashed. but to watch everyone else get trashed and being able to use that to your advantage to manipulate them into providing entertainment for you. Or just watching how much like complete idiots people act like when drunk and ask yourself. Do I really want to act like that?
And I've told each exactly how my friends have died. How my very best friend got drunk and decided to stumble across a highway and in front of a moving car and ended up comming through the windsheild and getting the top of his head sheered off. And his body mangled so badly he had a closed casket funeral. Or how another OD'ed shooting up coke. Or how one while in search of heroine got himself beat up so badly that his brother found him dead in his apt 2 days later from a ruptured spleen.
Or another after taking a combination of Quaaludes and vodka. Went home and hanged himself.
How none of these people were the scumbags you see in TV
All good people who would give a complete stranger the shirt off their backs if they were in need of one.
And I end each story telling them that I'm not stupid or naive enough to assume that they will never ever try anything. And that while I cant condone it. Just stay away from the chemicals. I mention how the chemicals we did then are nothing when compared to whats out there now.
but in all my cases it was the chemicals or heavy consumption of alcohol that did them in.
And while I cant give them permission. I'd rather know what they are doing then be surprised by a knock on the door or a phone call.
I backed this up by in one incident I walked into his room unnanounced and spotting one of his friends real quick trying ot put something into his pocket. "Let see it" I said. His friend was white as a ghost" what? noting I dont have anything" Again I said "Lets see it." To which my son sais. "you might as well give it to him. He's going to get it from you one way or the other anyway.
It was a small bag of pot he handed over. I opened the bag, smelled it and said "How much they ripping you off for this stuff these days?"
He said something like $40 for 1/8 oz. I shook my head and said "Back in my day you could buy and entire ouce for that much" and handed it back to him.
"Be careful with that and dont pull it out around your sister. And just stay away from the chemicals"
I didnt tell my wife. I knew she would just freak out as she normally would. End result. Both he and his friends were very open with me about their activities and would only tell my wife the bare necessities. By my not freaking and taking it away. I earned some cred. Which meant they were more willing to tell me the dirty details about things they normally wouldnt.
So far my son now 23 I know has smoked some pot. But claims he took my words about the chemicals to heart and never tried anything else. Now he doesnt do anything. Other then some occasional drinking. But even that isnt all that often and he and his friends are I must say pretty damned responsible about having a designated driver. I know on more then one occasion he he been driven home or has driven others home.
Doesnt smoke pot at all anymore. Like me he got bored with it and prefers to have a clear head.
My daughter. Now 15. Hates the taste of any kind of alcohol. And thinks any drug use at all is stupid. So so far soo good. She's gone a full 2 years farther then I did we my friends and I started.
We shall see.
Parenting is tough. Nobody can train you on how to deal with your kids. All I have done is look at how other people dealt with their kids. Saw what seemed to work and what didnt and developed my own method from there based on how my kids are.
Now whats worked for me might not work for others. Different kids. You know them better then anyone.
This, my dad did exactly this.
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I have two daughters, 16 and 6. My 16-year old is a good girl, has never been in trouble. She is getting A's and B's in college prep classes. She loves UFC fighting and likes the whole 'tough girl' image.
Last night I learned that she has been smoking weed. I am completely shocked. My wife and I rarely drink alcohol, do not smoke and have never done any type of drugs. This is simply foreign to us.
We kept her home from school today, took her phone and backpack (in case she has something in there.) We agreed we are not going to fly into a rage, she is not getting shipped off to some military school or intervention. Other then trying to be rational in our response, I'm really at a loss as to what to do. My first thought is to get her into some karate, etc classes to help self-esteem, focus her energy into something sort of UFC.
I know, I shouldn't be asking here but asking family will be potentially prejudiced with other factors. And, no one in our extended family has had their child head this direction. I will ask some family members, etc though I am guessing this group could offer a few thoughts.
OK, anything?
Boo
PS Please, if you don't have anything useful to add just skip responding.
Have you talked to her about drugs before you discovered she smoked weed? Say 12- 13 years old? I have a 3-6 year old so my time has not come yet.
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As some have said, being a parent is tough.
You have to think about it, not just react to the moment.
You can raise your kids until they are about 12.
After that the best you can do is maintain reasonable communications, they are going to make their own decisions.
I did my best to make sure they were informed decisions..
..told them to research it like a school project, find out what the pro's and cons are before you get sucked into something you cannot get out of.
Told them there are drugs out there you cannot get away from once you get into them, they destroy you.
They both know some of my friends that have been there, done that when they were kids in high school, growin up.
Now .. I inhaled, deeply.
Useda be a dollar a brick outside the main gate, Udorn Thailand.
I mean, we mashed it up into the floor wax and waxed the barracks floor with it.
Dogs would alert on the doorway and we would laugh about it ..funny stuff.
We had a contest to see who could stay 'stoned' for the longest period.
Man .. I lasted two weeks .. quit because I got tired of bein thirsty all the time :)
Pot always made things seem funnier :)
Cracks me up when I hear someone goin on about 'gateway drug' and 'the Evils of Weed' .. ROFL.
'Gateway drug' .. someone came up with that term to describe people stupid enough to self destruct.
Yes, some of my friends did.
Most did not.
We raised two kids.
My daughter has 5 of her own now.
3 in high school, all with their college already paid for.
My Son is in his 40's now, him and his wife smoke a joint now an then.. -shrug-
.. limits his job seeking, lost his CDL over it.
I told him years ago it would limit his options if he pursued it.
His decision.
Ink, you have more years smokin than I .. I just plain quit when I got back stateside.
I had more fun drag racin or buildin a car than I ever got from smokin and I wasn't thirsty nearly as much :)
-Frank aka GE
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Oh those chemicals. :rolleyes:
-Amino Acids
-Proteins
-Enzymes
-Sugars
-Fatty Acids
1) I still don't know how you can make a Freudian slip while typing. Mistyping an entire sentence and not realizing it.
2) I'm not trying to make the claim that Marijuana is a miracle substance, there are pros and cons with ANY substance you put in your body, including prescription drugs. It's up to the individual to weigh those options. Did you ever consider that someone might choose marijuana over prescription drugs? It is not your place to decide what is best for the individual.
3) There really isn't a ton of research on Marijuana due to the restrictive laws surrounding it. So although there is some information, there is still a lot we don't know about long-term use.
NOTE: Sorry mthrockmor for taking part in hijacking this thread.
I've walked to history when I should have gone to English because I was thinking about it- I call it the Freudian shuffle. I seem to do it quite a bit- sorry.
It's not my place to decide, but surely I can suggest. Was another one of those "it's not what you said, but how you said it" moments? I hate it when I do that. :o. Prescription drugs have side effects, sure, however, your doctor knows how they work, and unlike marijuana's often dubious purity, the pills are consistent.
Let there be research, but I'm not touching it until it gets FDA approval.
-Penguin
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As some have said, being a parent is tough.
You have to think about it, not just react to the moment.
You can raise your kids until they are about 12.
After that the best you can do is maintain reasonable communications, they are going to make their own decisions.
I did my best to make sure they were informed decisions..
..told them to research it like a school project, find out what the pro's and cons are before you get sucked into something you cannot get out of.
Told them there are drugs out there you cannot get away from once you get into them, they destroy you.
They both know some of my friends that have been there, done that when they were kids in high school, growin up.
Now .. I inhaled, deeply.
Useda be a dollar a brick outside the main gate, Udorn Thailand.
I mean, we mashed it up into the floor wax and waxed the barracks floor with it.
Dogs would alert on the doorway and we would laugh about it ..funny stuff.
We had a contest to see who could stay 'stoned' for the longest period.
Man .. I lasted two weeks .. quit because I got tired of bein thirsty all the time :)
Pot always made things seem funnier :)
Cracks me up when I hear someone goin on about 'gateway drug' and 'the Evils of Weed' .. ROFL.
'Gateway drug' .. someone came up with that term to describe people stupid enough to self destruct.
Yes, some of my friends did.
Most did not.
We raised two kids.
My daughter has 5 of her own now.
3 in high school, all with their college already paid for.
My Son is in his 40's now, him and his wife smoke a joint now an then.. -shrug-
.. limits his job seeking, lost his CDL over it.
I told him years ago it would limit his options if he pursued it.
His decision.
Ink, you have more years smokin than I .. I just plain quit when I got back stateside.
I had more fun drag racin or buildin a car than I ever got from smokin and I wasn't thirsty nearly as much :)
-Frank aka GE
sounds like you did good even though you tried the "devils weed" :D
I don't get the thirsties...munchies now that's a whole new story :lol
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Prescription drugs have side effects, sure, however, your doctor knows how they work, and unlike marijuana's often dubious purity, the pills are consistent.
Let there be research, but I'm not touching it until it gets FDA approval.
-Penguin
You do realize that FDA approval means very little,I could list atleast a dozen drugs that got or have FDA approval that will kill you! Some have serious side effects that were only found out after years of being on the market. One only has to watch the commercials on TV by those nice lawyers looking to help anyone harmed by these "approved" drugs.
Anyone know the prescription drug that kills the most people each year? hint,common pain reliever,not aspirin! Sure cause of death is usually attributed to liver failure but the real culprit is the medication that was used.
As for the dubious purity,you obviously have no idea of what your talking about,canibis is a plant,it varies in type,strain and regionality.These differences can effect certain percentages of some of the physcoactive ingrediences.
The only thing that could be dudious is if someone were to add a chemical like PCP,but this is usually done to rolled joints and only and idiot would get it that way.
Peng,since your so informed,have you read the Canadian study on medical weed?
Unlike the research you linked to I think you'll find there was no agenda attached to this study and the finding are undisputable.
:salute
PS: Canadians tend to see pot use as a none factor,no different than booze or cigs,none of which are any good for you but you should have the right to choose!
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I got super peer pressured into trying it. Thats the bad thing in high school.
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Marijuana is a HIGHLY ( no pun intended) social experience as well. Many who havent smoked can't fathom this....just the sheer fact of meeting like minded people and trying to make sense of things is addictive. Many of my fondest memories ( not blurry at all) involved hanging with my friends, puffing kind buds and trying to figure out this crazy world...... enjoying nature, and feeling a true bond that sees no social class color or creed. I met and connected with so many folks that I would have passed by or would have passed me by on any given day. ( especially the beautiful women :rock) Many kids her age are really seeking that place they belong and these special bonds more than anything else......realize this and you may find your path to guiding her. Its way more than the high that she may be after. She may be after herself and this is just a turn in that journey.
Try to keep an even keel and keep communicating. Keep communicating your love for her and your desire to see her safely through life. She will love you more for that than shutting her down.
Good luck my friend!
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Marijuana is a HIGHLY ( no pun intended) social experience as well. Many who havent smoked can't fathom this....just the sheer fact of meeting like minded people and trying to make sense of things is addictive. Many of my fondest memories ( not blurry at all) involved hanging with my friends, puffing kind buds and trying to figure out this crazy world...... enjoying nature, and feeling a true bond that sees no social class color or creed. I met and connected with so many folks that I would have passed by or would have passed me by on any given day. ( especially the beautiful women :rock) Many kids her age are really seeking that place they belong and these special bonds more than anything else......realize this and you may find your path to guiding her. Its way more than the high that she may be after. She may be after herself and this is just a turn in that journey.
Try to keep an even keel and keep communicating. Keep communicating your love for her and your desire to see her safely through life. She will love you more for that than shutting her down.
Good luck my friend!
If she needs pot to have friends, then she needs therapy and a new outlook on life that doesn't reject others. No disrespect, just pointing out a safer, longer-lasting solution.
-Penguin
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Let there be research, but I'm not touching it until it gets FDA approval.
-Penguin
Do you know anything about electronic cigarettes? And how many people they've helped quit smoking (myself included)?
Sometimes the government doesn't know what's best for the people. That includes marijuana.
Sometimes the government does what's best for the people with the money (Big Pharma, Big Tobacco, etc ,etc, etc).
I'm sorry but your posts in this thread just about make me cringe. I think you need to research your opinions more, beyond how many chemicals are in a plant. Dig deeper before making up your mind.
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What happened to the idea of living in a free society instead of having a bill of rights that's void where prohibited by law?
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Do you know anything about electronic cigarettes? And how many people they've helped quit smoking (myself included)?
Sometimes the government doesn't know what's best for the people. That includes marijuana.
Sometimes the government does what's best for the people with the money (Big Pharma, Big Tobacco, etc ,etc, etc).
I'm sorry but your posts in this thread just about make me cringe. I think you need to research your opinions more, beyond how many chemicals are in a plant. Dig deeper before making up your mind.
If so, then they should soon get approval. True, sometimes government doesn't know best. However, we created these institutions to regulate drugs. Look at drug ads before the FDA- anyone could claim anything and fraud ran rampant. Now we have a bunch of red tape that keeps people in line. Yes, the red tape creates inefficiencies, but these inefficiencies, when compared to fraud, are the lesser of two evils by a broad margin. Sure, there is corruption, but when you look at the grander scheme of things, the FDA depends on its good name and thus needs to stay clean. It is in a very exposed position and risks its neck every time it lets a drug through. That's why the risk statements at the end of drug ads are so long and are read in plain English. They used to be jargon read at a speed that was at the edge of human comprehension. Proactive consumer protections are there, and the fact that we don't hear about them often means that they are doing their jobs. Yes, there are 'bad drugs' but they were there before, so it's not like we lost ground. Government is the way that the people regulate themselves. Even the founding fathers knew that there would be problems, and they were just as human as the rest of us when it came to their quarrels.
A bill of rights that is void where prohibited? Let's see: Freedom of religion? Check. Freedom of speech? Sure, you can't cry "Fire!" in a crowded theater, but the Pledge of Allegiance is not mandatory, nor is standing for the National Anthem. Freedom of the press? It's certainly improved since McCarthy's time. Right to bear arms? There are more gun purchase threads on this forum than I can count! 3rd Amendment? Check. 4th Amendment? Here I'd say that we've got some problems and need to stand up for our rights while allowing the police to take advantage of new advances in technology to combat crime. Tricky, I know. 5th Amendment? Check. The legal system is actually running like a well-oiled (no pun intended) machine. 6th Amendment? Same. 7th Amendment? Same. 8th Amendment? Yeah, we've got some issues to figure out here, too. Let's not paint villains, though, it makes things harder. 9th. Check. 10th. We fought that battle in the 1790s through 1810s, so check.
Nope, it seems like the issues are pretty minor when you look at how big the Bill of Rights is. Yes, we need to stop torturing people. Yes, we need to get warrants for wire-taps and such things. Drone warfare needs to be allowed by the country in question, but it saves lives on the whole. Again, warrants are necessary for it. To analogize it to a car, the muffler came off and there's a flat tire, but the engine, frame, exhaust, windows, interior, electronics, and axles are all fine. This is no tune-up, but a new car isn't worth it.
-Penguin
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I have two daughters, 16 and 6. My 16-year old is a good girl, has never been in trouble. She is getting A's and B's in college prep classes. She loves UFC fighting and likes the whole 'tough girl' image.
Last night I learned that she has been smoking weed. I am completely shocked. My wife and I rarely drink alcohol, do not smoke and have never done any type of drugs. This is simply foreign to us.
We kept her home from school today, took her phone and backpack (in case she has something in there.) We agreed we are not going to fly into a rage, she is not getting shipped off to some military school or intervention. Other then trying to be rational in our response, I'm really at a loss as to what to do. My first thought is to get her into some karate, etc classes to help self-esteem, focus her energy into something sort of UFC.
I know, I shouldn't be asking here but asking family will be potentially prejudiced with other factors. And, no one in our extended family has had their child head this direction. I will ask some family members, etc though I am guessing this group could offer a few thoughts.
OK, anything?
Boo
PS Please, if you don't have anything useful to add just skip responding.
If she's into drugs now she's hanging with wrong kind of friends. This is where the bad influence comes from and pressure.
I would explain to her the legal ramifications of getting busted with drugs and how it can ruin her life. Then I would find out who she hangs with and contact their parents. And as a final resort I would ban her from contacting the drug dealing low lifes she now has for friends.
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Don't have much time but let me respond quickly to the first three you mention.
Freedom of religion...Google "religous freedom under attack" and read. Many tens of millions of Americans do not agree with you. President Obama/Sct HHS and controceptives is the latest.
Freedom of speech...pressed but will ultimately survive, though read the next one and how seperate is 'speech' and 'press?'
Freedom of press...http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2091948/U-S-falls-47th-press-freedom-rankings-Occupy-crackdown.html
Boo
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Not free by my standards. If the state decides to take away your guns for your own safety you might realize how I feel about the subject. Or you can keep drinking the kool-aid and accept that too.
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Don't have much time but let me respond quickly to the first three you mention.
Freedom of religion...Google "religous freedom under attack" and read. Many tens of millions of Americans do not agree with you. President Obama/Sct HHS and controceptives is the latest.
Freedom of speech...pressed but will ultimately survive, though read the next one and how seperate is 'speech' and 'press?'
Freedom of press...http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2091948/U-S-falls-47th-press-freedom-rankings-Occupy-crackdown.html
Boo
Any freedom that one party has may not interfere with the exercise of the freedoms of any other party, thus, if I like eating apples but you abhor it, as long as everyone involved can reasonably ignore me there's nothing that you can do. This applies to darn near everything. For the specific issue of contraception, we can't discuss it here too much, but Obama has made it so that those who do not desire to handle or purchase contraception do not have to. The article did not state what those reporters were doing- many of them were likely participating as well as reporting. The protests had also devolved into a bunch of people sitting out on the street doing drugs and complaining about darn near everything. There was literally turd on the street or in buckets. At a certain point the city has to step in to keep some decorum for those not participating. These protests went on for weeks and months! I make no comment on the politics of the matter, though.
Is the state really going around grabbing just anybody's guns? That would create a massive media hubbub, which hasn't existed. As for gun regulation itself, no comment.
-Penguin
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The contraception modification was dishonest. Many large institutions are self-funding, meaning they only cary catastrophic coverage. This means these religious organizations still must pay for something they religiously disagree with.
The rest, another thread.
Boo
edit: Are you familiar with 'Fast and Furious'? No claim that BATF is grabbing guns, as I said this issue is likely the most liberated its been in many decades. Anyway...
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If she needs pot to have friends, then she needs therapy and a new outlook on life that doesn't reject others. No disrespect, just pointing out a safer, longer-lasting solution.
-Penguin
I see where you are coming from......but that wasnt my point. I'm sure she doesn't need pot to have friends. My point is she is already smoking and that social act alone, getting high enjoying life and bonding with others is actually the tough thing ( even tougher than not puffing at all ) to leave behind ESPECIALLY for someone at her age. Her social circle has introduced the marijuana as one of the catalysts for hanging out so now its part of her social identity. Not the complete social identity but part........
Have you ever tried to tell a teenager that their friends suck and they should leave them behind? My folks told me the same thing and sent me to rebel and hang with them even more!
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Ah, I understand what you mean. Yeah, this is going to be an uphill battle, but it'll be worth it. Besides, if they are really her friends then they'll be OK with her hanging out sober.
-Penguin
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Any freedom that one party has may not interfere with the exercise of the freedoms of any other party, thus, if I like eating apples but you abhor it, as long as everyone involved can reasonably ignore me there's nothing that you can do. This applies to darn near everything. For the specific issue of contraception, we can't discuss it here too much, but Obama has made it so that those who do not desire to handle or purchase contraception do not have to. The article did not state what those reporters were doing- many of them were likely participating as well as reporting. The protests had also devolved into a bunch of people sitting out on the street doing drugs and complaining about darn near everything. There was literally turd on the street or in buckets. At a certain point the city has to step in to keep some decorum for those not participating. These protests went on for weeks and months! I make no comment on the politics of the matter, though.
Is the state really going around grabbing just anybody's guns? That would create a massive media hubbub, which hasn't existed. As for gun regulation itself, no comment.
-Penguin
Sure, eat your apple even though I don't like apples. On the other hand, if you tried to get as close to me as possible while eating that apple knowing my dislike for apples (which is a common way that folks like to push their rights), you will be swallowing your apple alright, just not in the way that you had originally intended to.
The problem with regard to contraception is that not all females take them as a form of contraception. There are many that take them solely as a means by which to control their cycle and it has absolutely nothing to do with not becoming impregnated.
You have never taken a dump into a bucket? You haven't lived until you have :aok
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Don't have much time but let me respond quickly to the first three you mention.
Freedom of religion...Google "religous freedom under attack" and read. Many tens of millions of Americans do not agree with you. President Obama/Sct HHS and controceptives is the latest.
Freedom of speech...pressed but will ultimately survive, though read the next one and how seperate is 'speech' and 'press?'
Freedom of press...http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2091948/U-S-falls-47th-press-freedom-rankings-Occupy-crackdown.html
Boo
Please don't post daily mail articles, people on this forum are stupid enough to believe them :/
the daily mail is like the UK's Fox News in tabloid form, zero credibility whatsoever
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Please don't post daily mail articles, people on this forum are stupid enough to believe them :/
the daily mail is like the UK's Fox News in tabloid form, zero credibility whatsoever
It's not top notch journalism by any means but it is fun to reed. Besides, where else are you going to see an article about a family dog playing the piano and singing?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2110908/Roll-Beethoven-virtuoso-dog-plays-piano-AND-sings-along.html
Thank you Daily Mail, I would have just kept on thinking musical dogs were unpossible if it wasn't for them.